Each morning, these attacks of hate-thoughts and contempt…it feels like a black lava-river that slowly rots and becomes toxic inside – please show me what I need to know about this –

today, answer to question 509 on Jamie’s website:

We made the world with all its battles and wars, from the interpersonal to the international level, to convince ourselves that the separation thought is real but that we are not responsible for it. And so it seems that there are forces outside ourselves — separate from us — that affect us in ways over which we have no control. In other words, there are victimizers and victims. Our investment in this thought system is much deeper than most of us even begin to comprehend. For it keeps the guilt over our pain and suffering resting outside our own minds so that we never see our own role in deciding for pain by deciding for separation. Yet the two choices — separation and pain — are intrinsically and unavoidably linked. In fact, they are the same choice. But it is the ego’s goal, and the world’s purpose, to keep that relationship forever obliterated from our awareness.
We will never be able to be truly at peace and experience the genuine love of the Sonship until we recognize that link and ask for Help in undoing our belief in separation and the reality of our own guilt over it. For ultimately we accuse ourselves of separating from God and setting in motion a world of pain and suffering. But so long as we do not wish to accept that responsibility so that the choice can be undone, we can only struggle and fail to find peace and love in situations that appear to be anything but peaceful and loving.

When I met Love outside my door the other day – and remembered how it was to be without an ego – and the simplicity of that – these violent self-attacks disappeared for about 24 hours.  Today, I tried to remember how that simplicity and joy felt, and it was not available: the onslaught too strong. I ask for help in undoing my belief in separation and the reality of my guilt about it. I can hardly breathe and move when I write this. But I can be kind to myself, and bless the truth that is available this second

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. DonnaD
    Sep 10, 2010 @ 00:11:58

    Dearest Nina: We see you and you are beautiful. Sending you a warm, thick quilt inlaid with golden strands of love and peace. Warmest hugs, D.


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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