the stealing thing

This post is not so coherent I think. But it is a description from last night experiences, and my insight about a very old mechanism in my incarnations – and this blog is now how I have chosen to explore what I seemed to have “made” in the world, and which keeps me here (as long as I believe it is truth.)

The thing is, for all of my lifetime,I have had  a very life-seeming hallucination in my soul/aura: people with clairvoyant abilities have seen this “being” too, and sensed that he looks really dark and hateful. At night, he seems to start to attack me and scare me.My body goes into shock and pain, the little Ninotchka-victim is being revived yet again – and the decision maker believes she is this tortured little puppet.

This post is about stealing. This night, I realized that this “something” seems to steal something from me: my essence, my joy, my power, my soul – and after 3 hours of agony and calling for help the idea came to me that he is stealing something. Aha! Since I believe I have stolen my identity and life from God, I realized that I chose to make an entity who steals life-energy from me. That’s reasonable. I get to be the innocent then. And to be absolutely certain that I get to stay the good guy,now I need to have the stealing from the outside too: – THEY are the abusers/stealers/baddies  and I am the victim.

But they are my projections. Wake up, Nina, projections! Made by you!

I do not want to do this any longer. I am responsible for making these projections, and I forgive them and ask H.S to chose God for me.

When I forgive my projections,  it becomes clear that the people I projected them on  therefore are innocent: they are puppets acting out my dream or movie, projected from fear in the mind. I  am so sick of doing this and believing in the lies that I am only safe when somebody steals from me. I own my fear of stealing from God. It is not Truth.

I see that all the stealing comes from the wrong-minded thought that there is scarcity, and that we need to steal from each other what we need. Which also makes us guilty.

All this seem to have happened because of this one belief – that it is possible to steal from God, and that we did it. Really.

These are my projections – they need my forgiveness

It’s 4:14 am.I leave my bed and ask for help. Hear:  “page 536 in the Course.”

T-27.V.2. Health is the witness unto health. 2 As long as it is unattested, it remains without conviction. 3 Only when it has been demonstrated is it proved, and must provide a witness that compels belief. 4 No one is healed through double messages. 5 If you wish only to be healed, you heal. 6 Your single purpose makes this possible. 7 But if you are afraid of healing, then it cannot come through you. 8 The only thing that is required for a healing is a lack of fear. 9 The fearful are not healed, and cannot heal. 10 This does not mean the conflict must be gone forever from your mind to heal. 11 For if it were, there were no need for healing then. 12 But it does mean, if only for an instant, you love without attack. 13 An instant is sufficient. 14 Miracles wait not on time.

T-27.V.4. There is no sadness where a miracle has come to heal. 2 And nothing more than just one instant of your love without attack is necessary that all this occur.

T-27.V.5. —5 A dying world asks only that you rest an instant from attack upon yourself, that it be healed.

T-27.V.11.4 What occurred within the instant that love entered in without attack will stay with you forever.

OK. The inner attacker is created by my choice to believe in the TMI, and by me believing that the effects that seems to arise were real.By believing in the attackers presence in my life, I make the projections real.

So. I see this, and I need help to undo the automatic big fear that my nervous system falls into as soon as it recognize the attackers’/leaches’ energies.

I open Robin Busfield’s book «Forgiveness is the home of miracles.» She tells about a seminar with Gary Renard where he suggested ways to forgive – like this one: when you feel an urge to people-please (like me, when I am terrified of attackers, I try to please them to avoid being harmed) to do this: Offer the person’s body to the H.S. «In my mind,I would see their body float away in a bubble/balloon. I would feel the Sonship within them remain beside me, while the ego that wants me to please them is whisked away.»

For the first time I realize that the attacking entity attacking me is ME attacking me. I just projected the attack into the «entity» It was a choice. I want to stop.


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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