The night before yesterday was one of the horrible ones: feeling trapped in a space invaded by ill will. When I manage to relate to this “field” or space, it transforms – but some times, like that night, nothing worked: I seemed to be completely merged with it.

Still, I got up in the morning, feeling like an overfilled old garbage-can, and went to town, meeting my daughter. We truly enjoyed our time. Coming home, I had a date with a  very close friend coming over – he called and told me the battery of his car had died. What an apt symbol for me. I slept for 2 hours, loading my batteries.

The last night was blessed with quite another quality: reasonably good sleep, no nightmares. And when I woke in the morning, golden peace was in me and everywhere.

I discovered that I had a session with the psychiatrist – and had missed it with one hour. I called and told the office, went there and got my full hour anyway. I told her that I was not interested in unraveling the past and finding causes and insights – I was interested in learning to dis-identify from the inner child’s ongoing torment, so I could relate TO it and not FROM it. My psych thought that was a good idea too. We agreed on certain procedures for helping me to be present and not dissociating/fragmenting.

I see and sense how the old fragmented/split-off soul-part has a chance of being healed now: and it is not difficult at all to see my Holy Brother in the psych, Y. I see her as a beautiful symbol of Christ – finding out how she best can support me in healing, and giving me the power of choice.

I read her a poem from a journal as a closure of the session, and she invited me to share more of them with her. She told me she had no words – but I saw her heart expanding, and the impact the poem had on her.

In this moment

* a boy in a boat on  the Ganges watches the sun rise – the funeral pyres float peacefully by, he give thanks for his life

* a four year old boy in white t-shirt and nothing else walks bare-feet in dew-wet grass on his way to the can, and a hedgehog crosses his path

*a planet is born in a nebula billion of light years from us

*a rain-worm is digging a new path and  encounter a stone

* a man beats his wife to death with his bare hands and goes out to have a beer

*A young stock-broker polishes her nails while her chauffeur draws her Mercedes up in  front of her house

*a teenager from Bern writes her first poem and cries for joy

*an 8-year old girl is raped in Sri Lanka by a group of drunken men

*the Dalai lama speaks from his abode in Dharamsala about compassion and kindness

*a little boy finds a buried treasure in the woods

*a little girl gets a puppy for her birthday

*an 86-year old woman dies peacefully in Stockholm with her loved ones surrounding her

* the last tones of Rachmaninoff’s 3. Piano Concerto sings in the concert hall


Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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