justifying anger

This need of  justifying of anger I described in “necessary” – boy did it play itself out today! I had a Focusing-session with a friend on Skype, and a peculiar thing happened: we both got the electronic signal that the other had not logged on – so we both thought that the other was late. Ten minutes past our appointed time we managed to connect, and thank God I decided to bring it up – being willing to be wrong about all the things ego fantasized. Boy was I wrong and so was she. We saw that the belief was the same for the both of us:  “you have not connected with me as we agreed on, there must be something wrong with me.”

It was my turn to Focus first, and I found  a part that was looking for possibilities to get angry: it needed somebody to be angry AT – because it knew no other way to let go of the pressure of anger than project it. When I just sat with it, listening for its need to release this toxic waste inside, I felt compassion, and all judgment of this part fell away. I saw that as long as I/mind insisted on identifying with ego, “I” would have to project – but as soon as I saw the separation between Mind/I and ego, Mind/I was able to sense the huge field of anger and just look at it.

How different it felt when not judged. Just like – whatever – it was just energy, it was not real, but it needed to be looked at with kindness.

Being with it like this takes a lot of concentration for me – I need to get out of the habit of denying it and projecting it.  There is also another possibility than just sitting calmly and looking without moving: I can LOOK at it in creative ways: dancing it, sculpting it, singing it, painting it, tell its story. As long as I just don’t justify it,  and connect a “self” to it, it transforms.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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