inside Jesus

Dream: I am visiting my “surrogate mother” Anne ( she was my “mother” for about 15 years, but dead many years ago.) In her holiday-hut by the sea, I see a big “statue” or “form of Jesus – it looks a little like Russian dolls – and it is made by papmaché – the material that is mostly used for making puppets. But this “Jesus-puppet is different: “He” can be opened from the side. I am looking into a hollow room – and inside it is a mixture of my daughter 8 years, or Anne’s daughter 8 years –  or myself 8 years. And the hollow space is filled with water – and I see that the girl inside it can breathe, even if she is submerged in the water. She is looking at me, wondering how I will react. I think it looks peaceful, but this Jesus is only a puppet…the girl inside, though, feels completely safe.

When I wake up, I think about amniotic fluid – the hollowed Jesus is like a womb…and I realize that the dream could be about myself, being in the womb of my mother – lots of terror there, and heavy guilt – the amniotic fluid had been affected chemically from that for sure – and the Anne-thing…suddenly I see that my “surrogate mother” Anne also could be a reminder of Anna, the mother of Jesus: – I have had the awesome experience twice of being in her Presence, and have felt her love and my connection to her.

And I realize how I belittle these experiences – and the knowledge that Anna is available for me, just as Jesus is available to me at my request (if i show up) – but I think about this night, going to bed, I will call for her and visualize myself lying close to her, being held or just touched lightly.

Sensing this closeness and intimacy, a strong sense of dissociation comes and almost wipes me out. I hear a suggestion – to just notice it, and not disappearing into it. I can do that. I must be very close to Love – AND it must be chosen

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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