accepting Love at last

In a Sedona-session today, I felt one more aspect of the victim-identity: how safe she feels in giving control away – and in being  a “sufferer”. A tremendous fear arose when I realized that “I can choose” – it was tremendous. Sinking into that, another part came forth, saying: “I have been giving myself over to light before, and was tricked.”

I remembered a moment between my father and I – so wonderfully symbolic of the moment of believing in the TMI – when we shared a moment of blissful light and one-ness – and wham, his dark side took over and in  a split-second he “switched” and became unrecognizable scary and alien.

The shock was instantaneous and make a deep imprint: never trust the Light again: it is completely unpredictable.”

In the shocked state I was, I dissociated – as the Son of God also did – and was overtaken.

The memory this split-off Ninotchka carries was that being a terrorized victim was preferable to allowing Love in  – the remembered shock and guilt that came when the Light seemed to change into darkness was not to be tolerated.

The change in the session came when Claire asked me if I possibly could let go of the determination to say no to Love – and the answer burst forth like new birth – of course I let go of that! And that happened at the level of mind.

I saw that it never happened in reality – and that my spirit was safe in Love’s embrace. At that moment, truly letting go of resistance to Love, warmth trickled into my stiff and cold body.

So grateful now – and even more so, since I was stiff with intense fear before this session with Claire – I was stuck in a vortex of expecting to be controlled, and wanting to control back – expecting the worst nightmare scenario. I forgave the fear and the thoughts and asked to see Claire as God sees her, and I meant it – and even though I did not believe at all that this intention had made any difference at all, since it surely did not feel like that, I managed to state clearly what I wanted from Clare with respect to agreeing on a clear structure in the session. Somehow, a little slice of trust must have been there – and H.S used it to the full.

Now I feel I have a WILL again – sharing It with my own Love.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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