Mud-monster is one of the inner archetypes on Dream-Cards, created by  Strephon Kaplan Williams. Mud always paints up the worst scenario,and uses threats and blame to control us. The illustration on the card is a brown heap of mud with eyes hungry for disaster. This night I fully believed him – but now I have let him out of the house.

As always with my journey, after the light has been received the attacks come. The night was filled with voices who constantly looked for stuff to be worried/angry/upset/hateful/scared about. Ego grabbed them all hard to its body(which I believe belong to me) and I could hardly breathe with all those elephants on my chest.

So I got up, ate almonds and blueberry-juice and looked at a DVD I had just borrowed at the library, where two singularly not-inspired actors – the otherwise brilliant William Hurt and Juliette Binoche – played awkwardly and stilted. The script was trying to be intellectually SO IN and I cringed as I watched.

I was starting to see myself in a “bad script” also  – and when I read the day’s lesson in the Workbook – no 68,”Love holds no grievances” I saw that the avalanche of mind-stuff that was hurled at me last night came from heavy grievances – me attacking me for having failed at achieving enlightenment again. I should have, shouldn’t I?

At last, now in the peaceful morning light  in front of my fireplace, I turned toward the attacking voices in my mind, and asked to be able to see them with love. I saw our family’s – and most of the world’s voices too – litany:  the only way you learn is the hard way – and being scolded and told you’re an idiot is very good for making yourself improve. Whip whip whip. And behind the whip is terror.

I think this common and collective belief is a strong glue which holds the world together.

I have kept the demeaning voices in place by subconsciously believing that they are helpful. I can let go of  the belief that this is a helpful belief. This is not “the way I learn:” it is the way a “me” is maintained. Could I let go of the decision to holding grievances for myself? Yes I could and I forgive it and let it go

Love holds no grievances

I am that Love, and nothing else is True

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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