the hairdresser from hell – or my savior?

I had got a group-on offer of a haircut on a new place. When I entered, my heart fell down into my stomach: an angry-looking male “boss” who just shook his head when I smiled. But  a 7-feet tall slim pink-dressed young  smiling man got my heart to rise again – he had a woven silver belt too, and looked like 16. We clicked at once, and he gave me a hair-wash that was indescribable delicious – just his touch made my scalp relax instantly. I told him he had healing hands, we talked about the healing arts – and then the dragon entered: pitch black colored hair in a completely wild and weird fashion. She told me her name was Glinda and she was from Albania. I told her what I wanted and I soon understood that she had not understood me at all.

When I encounter people with this kind of energy, I become very young and energetically lie down flat with my belly up. The feeling in the place was dark and scary – when I am writing this, I recognize the atmosphere from a lingerie-shop in Germany I visited while my husband had some errands with the authorities. I was 23 then, and quite a sight. When I entered, the lady in the shop looked at me and got an indescribable look on her face – like a tiger waiting for her kill. I froze – and then I heard behind the curtain somebody breathing fast and short. I “saw” through that curtain and saw a man, waiting for his prey. I sensed a clear warning inside -“get out and pretend everything is OK.”

I smiled and pretended I needed to fetch something and got out. I think I just avoided to be caught and sold into white sex-slavery.

The atmosphere  around the two Albanians  yesterday had the same feel about it – and when I sit here, writing in the sun, I fully take in the degree of my terror, being “in the hands” of that hairdresser.

She did mostly the opposite of what I asked, she did not smile once, and I had to hold her hand back physically to stop her when she wanted to spray my hair.

Outside in the sun, I was shivering and feeling very small. The evening and night was unbearable scary, and so I got up and sat in my living-room with the text of The Course. I prayed to be helped to see how this woman was the Son of God, and not the ogre of my story.

T-5.III.2. The Holy Spirit is the idea of healing. 2 Being thought, the idea gains as it is shared. 3 Being the Call for God, it is also the idea of God. 4 Since you are part of God it is also the idea of yourself, as well as of all His creations. 5 The idea of the Holy Spirit shares the property of other ideas because it follows the laws of the universe of which it is a part. 6 It is strengthened by being given away. 7 It increases in you as you give it to your brother. 8 Your brother does not have to be aware of the Holy Spirit in himself or in you for this miracle to occur. 9 He may have dissociated the Call for God, just as you have. 10 This dissociation is healed in both of you as you become aware of the Call for God in him, and thus acknowledge Its being.

T-5.III.3. There are two diametrically opposed ways of seeing your brother. 2 They must both be in your mind, because you are the perceiver. 3 They must also be in his, because you are perceiving him. 4 See him through the Holy Spirit in his mind, and you will recognize Him in yours. 5 What you acknowledge in your brother you are acknowledging in yourself, and what you share you strengthen.

I recognized how I somehow was subconsciously accusing myself of being a dangerous unscrupulous human being, cold as ice – and I did not want to strengthen that perception, and again meeting it outside myself as my projection. I asked to see her as God sees her – and images were presenting themselves quickly. The more I saw, the more I could see her innocence beneath all that hardness – and how awful it must be to live under such a burden of self-hate. I saw the degree of her self-denial .

T-5.III.9.5 What you perceive in others you are strengthening in yourself.

T-5.IV.1. What fear has hidden still is part of you. 2 Joining the Atonement is the way out of fear. 3 The Holy Spirit will help you reinterpret everything that you perceive as fearful, and teach you that only what is loving is true.

“Only what is loving is true.” That means that this image of a criminal belongs in my mindand I have held on to it to push Love away. But it is not TRUTH. I am shaken by this insight: I am glad I have the ability to “see” what others are up to – but that does not mean that what I see is TRUTH. That ability no doubt saved me in Germany – but still, it is only “true” in the world. And since the world springs from my mind, it is proper that I ask for help in seeing her Spirit now – seeing through the illusion of hardness and cold, to the essence within. I feel a burning wish to TRULY see.

I hear a “clangg.” It is a green polished stone on the end of a thin red ribbon: it surrounds a book mark my daughter gave me many years ago. She made it herself for me – and when I am aware of its design now, at the signal of the “clang”, I know that she made it for  this moment.

It has three layers. The outer is cardboard, and is covered with drawn thorns, meandering all over the bookmark. At the end, she has cut a hole in it: it allows us to look into the next layer – a bit of painted silk. A sort of soft pinkish/orange loving flower is looking at me, smiling – I am looking at the reality behind the illusion of thorns and suffering.

If the cut-out wasn’t there, I would never got the idea that this truth and beauty was behind it all the time. I start to shiver and cry, and a feeling of Presence is here.

The backside of the bookmark is also cardboard – painted in the  same essence-color as The Flower. A small ribbon in the same rose-red color is framing the whole bookmark.


Here is my choice: where do I go for my reality – the thorns or the flower?

do I believe in the reality of evil – or could I choose to remember the Truth of the pink Heart we all share?

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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