forgiving my mother

I met a beloved niece yesterday. She told me that the last 5 years of my mother’s life, where I refused to see her at all, she had accepted my wish to be separate. BIG surprise! My niece shared details from those last years of my mother – she knew she was dying (ALS) – and how she prepared for death with simplicity and dignity.

All my guilt fell away: the separation was gift to both of us, preventing us to go on with all the projecting.

My niece told me that she had dreamt about my mother, soon after her death: she stood, radiantly, in a field of Forget-me-not-s – and told my niece, “Forget me not!”

I felt like a mild wind caress my cheek and smiled – my whole backyard is filled with Forget-me-nots.

I was thinking about how much living close together makes it almost impossible to see each other clearly – I recently saw how  close relatives seemingly were only able to see each other through their own perception. From each of them, I got 4  versions of their relationship – and each of them are vastly different. Who is right? no one – they see their own guilt projected outwards and react to it, and “being right” cements their “reality.” – This reminds me of the excellent series “Everybody loves Raymond”: nothing I have seen shows family dynamics of guilt and living-too-close and living in a soup of projections more magnificently. If you ever get to see episode 116, the Can, you have everything Freud taught, and to  my knowledge (I have read most of him) more elegantly and funny portrayed.

I also see how much breaking out has helped the “breaker” to start seeing her own patterns – and attracting a new partner with whom she feels free.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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