Jumanji: you can’t stop playing until you have won

The last days, the neck-area  and head have been very very painful. I see how wise it is to trust the wisdom of this process. This blog started with this:

Aug.17th 2010  I am starting a blog: little sister. It seems important for me to feel «hidden» here – I still have this old fear of being stalked, found out, caught and raped and all that. And today it dawned on me that the stiffening and pain in the neck that I feel constantly, and which brings so much painful heavy headiness, may be connected to me hiding in my head – in dissociation – in fleeing from Love, believing it to be attack.

This insight feels great: the feeling of HAVING to hide or else, does NOT come from truth:just a very old memory of believing a tiny mad idea.

In short: it is not serious.

Then follows April 16th 2011:

I am toning in the morning – huge pains in the right side of my body.  “Maybe I don’t need this any longer.” I hear another voice telling me that it needs my body for its life-force not to disappear into evil. These pains in the right side of the body is a way “it” occupies my body. – I recognize this part as a former incarnation-”me” – and I see that I identified with a belief, made in fear. And that is what we did, as the Son of God.This identification with intense fear does not come from truth, it is just a belief with no truth in it. I do not need any longer to feed it with my belief in it. I have made this fear real and called it me. It is just imagination and I let it go. I forgive myself for wanting to be guilty.

I suddenly know, while toning, that the trauma that caused me to lose my singing voice when I was 25, has been of such magnitude that just trying to sing hurt so much that I gave it up. That’s why I spaced out each time I tried to work with the voice later. Literally disappeared from the body.

As soon as this insight arises, my heart starts to beat ferociously and tears are pouring.I want to  sit kindly with it and do not believe it is real: just an old trauma, and me having enough heart for it to come up now- to find all the beliefs I have about this and forgiving them. I am looking forward to it, and something moves softly inside, trusting me not to push it back again. I do not need to take it seriously – but meeting it with Love is a decision.

today, April the 28th:

In the night, the same unbearable pain everywhere as usual. Asking H.S.for help -hearing: “The solution is at the same place as the problem, Which one do you want to keep?” When I chose the solution, tensions and pain started leaving. I talked to “that” which I had judged so strongly that it now had fled into my neck and head and hid there. I told it I saw how it related to the trauma that led to me loosing my voice, and that I offered forgiveness to anything I seemingly had made – and for still believing in separation. I told “it” that I wanted it to become visible so it could be free. And I asked Blue what he wanted me to see this very moment.

He told me to go into the living room and read Jumanji, that I had picked up on a Library flee-market the same day. I opened the pages randomly and put a finger on a page and turned the light on. I read: “This is very important: when a round of Jumanji has begun, it can not be completed before one of the players arrives to the golden city.” (This is my translation from Norwegian.) Peter moves to square seven, and reads ” Lion attacks, move two squares back.”

And it turns out that everything that is mentioned in the game, becomes real for the players: now the lion is roaring on top of the piano.

And the paragraph that I had pointed to, was this:

“I don’t think” said Peter, while gasping for air, “that I …want to…play this…game anymore.”

“But we have to” said Judy, while helping Peter down the stairs.” I am certain that this is what is meant in the instructions. That lion will not disappear until one of us win the game.”

This is what Blue wants me to remember: I have started to play, I must play by His rules, and I will enter the golden City.

So I go back to bed and am prepared for a dream. It was a dream with  sickening perversities and insanity from a dark astral level. It took place in my house and whatever I did to chase these creatures out of my house, it was to no avail.

When I woke up, ca 80 % of the pain in the neck had gone. I saw that part of my identity had been stuck in this astral region, and carried tremendous pain. I presented “her” fears and beliefs to Blue and asked for correction: I am playing the game. Or script. All I want to do is take her in my arms and tell her that that dream is just a dream, and it is safe to wake up to Love. I don’t think I have to remember the original trauma that put that pain inside my neckI just see very clearly that I am innocent, and that I need to forgive my perceptions. It is just a consequence of choosing ego – and it is in the past.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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