still convincing illusion

After last day’s decision to just notice the story lightly and be willing to step away from it, a dream in the night sucked me right back with vehemence. I felt the control-voice in the mind, manifested in the body as iron-contractions and hatred: “you shall never control me – I will do anything to be on top!” The controllee becoming the controller -ego making this drama seem awfully real.

For a long while I was sucked into it, trying to bring healing to it – then I remember that I don’t have to do that, I can just hand it over, being willing to refrain from indulging in the drama and feeding it with my beliefs yet again. It is seeming very real when I sense what seems to be overpowering very angry forces threatening me.

The hardest thing is to realize that I make all this up- when at the same time powerful emotions and their toxic molecules are raging in the body. Boy does it seem real.

Still – it’s not a sin to be stuck in it – and I forgive myself for taking it serious.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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