hate released

Pam’s comment on “Allowing the miracle” is so very comforting to me today: this is a day of releasing hate. Sleepless night again – and in the morning, a ghastly dream from the past and our little family and the dynamics in it.

When I wake up from it, I know what the tensions in the body is about – resistance to look at this old stuff. And the main ingredient is hatred, believed in. Believing us three to be the roles of Kip, Mir and Leelah. I see the energies swarming around us looking for a place to lodge, and the three of us with huge filters seeing everything through glasses of attack and guilt, with occasional moments of happiness. It felt like gluey morass, and what started to dissolve it was the knowing that these were memories, and memories can be forgiven. I am starting to be aware, due to David Hoffmeister’s method for forgiving in his book ” Awakening through a Course In Miracle,” that my choice to be upset is a choice not to see the cause: my belief in lack/separation, as a present decision on my mind.

I go to the mall, and a young boy behind the counter does not acknowledge my standing there at all. I am air. He does not ask what I want, and I am aware of enormous hatred bubbling up. I listen to a fascist-voice inside, “who does he think he is???!!!!  I am here!!! waiting to be served!” This part would like to torture the guy and kill him. The energy of it feels sooo unpleasant.

So I leave him and ask for help from somebody else, and is promptly and kindly served. He was there only to show me these thoughts inside that I  believe to be “mine.”

When I come home, I listen to a program in radio. It is a man talking with venom and hate about capitalists. There it is again. I forgive  again my choice for believing in separation.

I want to sit in the sun outside. Take a pillow and my Sudoku – and is met by a swarm of flying ants: they are leaving darkness at last. All over my terrace,  and from holes in my lawn, they are flying out – ready to spread their species.

I want to see this as a sign that the darkness is given to the light.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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