Today I will judge nothing that occurs.

The long saga with the painful stiff neck has escalated lately. When the pain yesterday increased to becoming intolerable, something inside gave way to surrender. Now it was no longer an enemy to get rid off, but something that knocked on the door of the heart to be let in.

I put a loving hand on the most painful place and just waited. Out of being with it emerged a voice, which wailed: “I don’t want to be here any longer.” It brought up a torrent of tears – and it was clear that the defenses former putting that voice in jail, had unlocked the doors.

I have been that jailer.

I got a vague idea where it came from, but was much more willing to just be with it without any wish – or rather, demand -of “understanding.”

I had a good night, with nice funny amusing dreams.Oh I love those kinds.

Today, I had a Skype-sharing with Kit again. ( The correction-program suggested “sharpening” instead. Sometimes the little gnome within the correction-program really gets it.) In that space of truly connecting, it became clear that the pain was truly impersonal, and that only making stories about it and trying to understand it cemented it. I am more and more acutely sensing the “spell” of the ego: its great ability to make images and analyze – and how caught I get in that spell-web (“sleep web” suggested the gnome 🙂 the second I want to understand the images. Now I saw like a roll of  film-frames moving in front of me. I chose not to focus on any frame at all – just being with it, and at the same time being with the pains and sensations.

Before, these bodily sensations and pains have ALWAYS been connected to the belief ” I am in mortal danger.” I mean always.

Not now. The change of perspective – or perception -is diametral.

What has happened is so sweet: I notice that there is a little gap – just a diminutive gap – between sensing the sensations/pain/charge and being sucked blindly into that hell – OR choosing to witness it. AND that choice has in this session come from my Self. It is such a calm and loving looking – really not a decision at all – like it’s not something to choose from, at that level.

And I end the session and open the Big Blue: Today I will judge nothing that occurs.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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