fall solstice

0330am

Fall solstice – change in season, change in mind

Those contemptuous eyes – that disgusted mien – the way she abhorred what I offered, “that alternative stuff you do”

Who would believe that it gives me, in these minutes, a great healing?

Remembering: she is the Holy Son of God, and I am only seeing my projection of my own mind’s hatred and disgust – always judged as bad, now allowed.

I don’t need it to change: it is a nothing that is unveiled by my acceptance. Ken’s words come to mind – something like, “we revel in the misery and the pain: that’s what proves to us that we succeeded in separating from God – that is what makes us a “somebody. And we do it because we fear Love.”

So for the first time the judgment of hatred and disgust and contempt is quietly watched. It feels like being in a cess-pool of poison, and as layers are released, the feelings get clearer: “this is how angry I am.”

Still an “I” connected to the anger.

The more I sit with it and look, the more this “I” is seen as a construct – a non-existing thing –

Now it is allowed – not judged – and the nothingness of it is slowly flowing upwards toward Love.

Just an old story – the story of believing in separation and wanting to keep it to keep the me…

shivering with release writing that

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Sep 23, 2011 @ 17:12:49

    You are a poet at the deepest levels. Thanks.

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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