What You did not give has no reality

I wrote recently about the encounter with the builder doing work on our row of houses  – that I wanted an estimate of the cost, and  mentioned his anger of not being trusted -and that I understood he was a mirror of something in me that needed to be trusted completely.

Yesterday I climbed the roof again, controlling the work – and there was a big splinter gone of a corner board.

I mailed him. Still so connected to the inner c o n s t a n t present feeling of threat and fear and needing somebody to blame for it. I also was willing to see him as innocent – once again – and as the holy Son of God coming to me for my own good.

The ego made quite a drama of this.As always. Lots of dream-scenarios in the night, of being stalked and attacked. By him.

This morning, I was still in my pajamas, he rang the doorbell. He looked at me through the window before I opened it, and Nina/ ego excused herself for not feeling quite well…(she should be up at this time, shouldn’t she? how embarrassing!) He smiled a beautiful smile and just climbed up. Came down, explained to me exactly what has happened – the gone splinter could NOT lead to leaks – I started to relax, sensing the old identity slipping off again – and he said he would get some material and fix it right away.

Ego felt this being very unreal. Builders/craftsmen do not simply show up the second  day after a complaint.

Alone again, I sat down and sense deep deep deep down that the old belief in threatening dangerous men is sweetly slipping. Maybe I don’t need to believe in it  any longer. I heard Blue whisper “3” and opened the closest little book with wise-word-quotes on nr 3: ” Dealing with a perceived problem in the world is not what makes the error real. It is believing that the perceived problem is the cause of our upset and has an effect on the truth of Who we are which makes the error real in our awareness, though not in truth.”

Instantly I shifted from projecting the fear on Ollie to the fear of separation as real – and all its perceived consequences.

While I was in the shower he had got the material and repaired the injured place on the wall. It looked so neat!

I sat and sat and sat in enormous space and feelings of stillness. I was at a place where I knew I could just smile at the fear.

What a difference that makes: to not believe in the constant inner threats and warnings of disaster and fear.

Then I opened todays lesson:

LESSON 322.

I can give up but what was never real.

W-pII.322.1. I sacrifice illusions; nothing more. 2 And as illusions go I find the gifts illusions tried to hide, awaiting me in shining welcome, and in readiness to give God’s ancient messages to me. 3 His memory abides in every gift that I receive of Him. 4 And every dream serves only to conceal the Self which is God’s only Son, the likeness of Himself, the Holy One Who still abides in Him forever, as He still abides in me.

W-pII.322.2. Father, to You all sacrifice remains forever inconceivable. 2 And so I cannot sacrifice except in dreams. 3 As You created me, I can give up nothing You gave me. 4 What You did not give has no reality. 5 What loss can I anticipate except the loss of fear, and the return of love into my mind?

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: