Circle closed

Skype-session with Kit. She is one minute late, and complains about a strong ringing tone after we have connected. She hangs off, tries again – and the stress is still there. She says she needs to give the PC more time – and after  a few minutes we connect without any digital disturbances. We become aware – again – of the ways our electronic equipment has given us feedback if there is any disturbance in  the quality of our connection: If there are some subtle fear-patterns present, Skype let us know immediately, and we can find the places where we believe in voices from the wrong mind. This time we both had the idea that we “had to” complete something we were doing right before our appointment. Very subtle pattern of believing in the importance of “being stressed.”

We love these signs  – and  that they are dependable. Apropos signs, I share the story of the Angel who crushed the lizard yesterday -and that my first reaction was, “NO! It is so beautiful!”

I  also share that I have had yet another recurring nightmare where I am in the presence of an insane unpredictable man who is out to get me – and the terror of this.

Kit reminds me of what I write in my book “When fear comes Home to Love”: Whatever we identify with, we protect and preserve. And whatever I say I love or fear or hate, I say has something to do with “me” = identification. I tell myself that there is something in me who wants to keep this insane evil- and that creates tremendous guilt. It is not “allowed” to “have” such a part which wants to hang on to evil!

“There is no space for this part” says Kit.

I realize that the part that wants to hold on to insanity and pain is insane. No wonder that I have this part – these memories of a tortured child that I called me. No wonder she/I/got insane.

AND:

Instead of judging her, I can love and forgive her.No wonder she became insane! It is a marvel that she survived at all -and she did because she had support from  her Self all the time, although she  was not aware of that.

If there is something I need, it is my own love and forgiveness. I need to truly come home to my Self.

Now this can be included.No separation.

*

I am talking about the extraordinary gifted artist from Sri Lanka who sculpted the lizard in the masterful form. His ability to truly allow the energy and form of any animal to come forth through his hands and into the glass AND at the same time maintain his center is what I find beautiful. You have to maintain your Center if you are able to contain all these shapes/entities/spirits.

I have that same ability to allow any “form” into me and “read them” –  and when insanity has come, I have told myself that I am not doing it “right” since the body and nervous system feels so tremendously painful.

“If you start to believe in what the insanity are saying, and have not come Home to your Self – then these dark forces get space to grow inside you.” says Kit. And I see that – and that this part inside who identifies with the insanity and the victim-hood, is the one who needs and shall have my forgiveness and love.

“And THAT is what the Angel wanted you to see” says Kit.

YES. These pains in the body CAN BE THERE even though I am Home in my Self.

*

I walk into my living-room. I want to save the half-crushed salamander from the garbage-can as a sign of my new perception. A book falls down from the same shelf and hits me in the lip – at the exact tiny black spot in my  upper lip where an old wound has been encapsulated. I bow down and take the book: an art-book from a beloved artist: “The almost forgotten” by Kurt Johannesen.

Thank you, sign-giver. Only almost, but not completely.

I have an impulse to pull another book out and open it randomly. It is a book about signs 🙂 and myths, and I open it to a myth about “Tokk”, and old witch from Northern Mythology.

When Balder – our equivalent to Jesus – was hit by an arrow of mistletoe, he dies and is sent to the underworld. Now, there is a law that says that if the whole world cries for Balder, he will be resurrected.

Tokk declines.

“I have no more tears to cry” she says. “When has anybody noticed my tears? let Hel ( god of the death-world) keep what she has. Me guilty of your predicament? don’t get me laughing.”

*

From The wizard of Oz ( just found this on the D.U.group.) Thanks, Swissmoon!

Dorothy asks Glinda, the Good Witch, “Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?”

“You don’t need to be helped any longer,” A smiling Glinda answers. “You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.”

“I have?”

“Then why didn’t you tell her before?” Scarecrow demands.

“Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.”

The Tin Man leans forward and asks, “What have you learned, Dorothy?”

“Well, I . . . I think that is . . . that it wasn’t enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em . . . and that if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard; because if it isn’t here, I never really lost it to begin with.”

And there it is

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    Dec 21, 2011 @ 22:23:45

    Nina, this is so true. The Answer has always been within us. It is so painful to believe anything apart from Self. And it is so natural and easy just to be Self.

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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