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Skype-session with Kit
I am sharing the cramps leading to the vision of the massacre and agony. When I do, it feels like the memory comes alive in my mind – I can’t count all the times stories I have written have been about massacres – and the strong feeling of being the one who carries this collective memory.
So there are different ways to interpret this: a cell-memory – a reincarnation memory – or the mind’s fabrication of a story that encompasses the collective guilt at the separation. I am familiar with the different takes on the story – but what needs healing for me is the belief that I am responsible for all that human agony, and I need to be punished for it.
This belief is operative behind many incarnations where I have lived out stories where this seem to have been true. The belief runs them all.
I share with Kit a dark off-spring-pattern that comes from believing in the original fear-story: a tremendous need to be “right”, to punish the others who are “bad”, and that I am the only one who is innocent. The energy around this story/these beliefs/ is heavy, murky and mean. This second bunch of patterns are clearly a response to the first belief of being guilty – now the guilt is “safely” projected on the baddies outside “me.”
Sharing this brings great release and clarity. The disidentification that happens is immediate: this is just egos stories. Nothing at all – until I believe in them.
Now I decide to just sit with the feeling of agony and believing “I am guilty”.  After one minute I hear a paramedic siren at Kit’s side. It stops right outside her building. A big smile come on my face: “She has sent for help and they have come to get her and take care of her.” ”She” being the part that has identified most intimate with the original guilt, and who has created all these lives as helper and /or victim. I see the paramedics coming and putting her on a stretcher, bending over her lovingly. She is safe.
As I share this with Kit, we both feel shivers up our backs. Something inside lets go and receive love and care, and the terrible responsibility of fixing everybody’s agony slides right off her. Now is time for rehabilitation – for receiving the love and care she always denied herself.
It feels like new oxygen pours into my cells. Sharp pains that were numbed and frozen are thawing and welcomed.
I feel immensely relieved. And calm. C A L M

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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