Waking up at 2am in terror: I have been stalked by an insane murderer with long Gillette knives. The terror sits like sulphuric poison in my blood and muscles.I know I am looking at fear, and remember also that fear is there by my invitation to hide LOVE. This is the projection of my own perceived guilt at the separation: this is the image of guilt, believed in, through the projector onto the screen of the world – and the images become insane stalkers and me as victim. All this seem to establish a separated identity.

I tell the Holy Spirit I want to see with Your eyes how this fear looks and I imagine being held by Love. I see an expression of hate in the form of a face.  Blue tells me that because i want so much to see the Love I struggle, and the struggle proves to me that this is difficult.”Looking with me is simple, and without struggle. You just find a willingness to allow the darkness to melt.”

I get the impulse to read from the Course. I open it where I read the last time. It says:

T-12.II.5. Let us not save nightmares, for they are not fitting offerings for Christ, and so they are not fit gifts for you. 2 Take off the covers and look at what you are afraid of. 3 Only the anticipation will frighten you, for the reality of nothingness cannot be frightening. 4 Let us not delay this, for your dream of hatred will not leave you without help, and Help is here. 5 Learn to be quiet in the midst of turmoil, for quietness is the end of strife and this is the journey to peace. 6 Look straight at every image that rises to delay you, for the goal is inevitable because it is eternal. 7 The goal of love is but your right, and it belongs to you despite your dreams.

T-12.II.6. You still want what God wills, and no nightmare can defeat a child of God in his purpose. 2 For your purpose was given you by God, and you must accomplish it because it is His Will. 3 Awake and remember your purpose, for it is your will to do so. 4 What has been accomplished for you must be yours. 5 Do not let your hatred stand in the way of love, for nothing can withstand the Love of Christ for His Father, or His Father’s Love for Him.

T-12.II.7. A little while and you will see me, for I am not hidden because you are hiding. 2 I will awaken you as surely as I awakened myself, for I awoke for you. 3 In my resurrection is your release. 4 Our mission is to escape from crucifixion, not from redemption. 5 Trust in my help, for I did not walk alone, and I will walk with you as our Father walked with me. 6 Do you not know that I walked with Him in peace? 7 And does not that mean that peace goes with us on the journey?

I forgive my wish to hide from Love. The ego hisses and tells me that I am such a moron who believes this, how can I forgive this??!!

T-12.II.9. 6 You cannot lay aside the obstacles to real vision without looking upon them, for to lay aside means to judge against. 7 If you will look, the Holy Spirit will judge, and He will judge truly. 8 Yet He cannot shine away what you keep hidden, for you have not offered it to Him and He cannot take it from you.

Holy Spirit, help me heal my investment in guilt



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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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