emergency room

Yesterday I was brought to the emergency-room at the Hospital to have my heart examined: I might have had a small infarct. There were endless examinations and questions and blood tests and x-rays and reports to be written, and in between I just waited in an emergency-room. Luckily I had brought a wonderful book with me – but still, I was feeling very bad. And not pain-wise – most of the pain had left – there was just something about that room, that situation.

It was very quiet there. Two other old people were being examined. No rush, all was calm.

I was released after 4 hours, my heart had not had an infarct. And still I felt more depressed that I had been for months.

After some hours in bed at night I woke up with a clear insight: I am not these depressed feelings. I realized that I had simply picked up the emergency-room’s energy – or gestalt, if you will – and identified with it.

The depression, panic and stress  immediately slid right off me. I am not this.

I am also not the thoughts of disaster, victim-hood and agony. I am not any story about “me and  my pain.”

Suddenly I noticed that I did not fear any of these old thoughts and stories any longer: I am not these stories. I am the Holy Son of God, and  can allow these thoughts to become unstuck and return to the emptiness they came from.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Jan 24, 2012 @ 21:16:47

    Another powerful blog, and I am personally so grateful that you are OK

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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