a useless story

After the awakening described recently,all psychic hell broke loose, as I am used to. I got a dear friend who is transparent and loving to help me on Skype – and after that, the nightmares were even more disgusting and vicious that before.

This morning I was praying deeply to see how I want this. I was shown that all my work on archetypes has made me even more acutely sensitive for them – and ontological guilt is a biggie. It makes sense that when I hook on to that guilt and believe this is about me and my personal ( and reincarnational) story, it  is  “only”my mind outside time and space identifying with the ego thought system. Of course “I” would need someone I can project it onto: I need to make a trustworthy guilydangerouspowerful being.

In my story, I made a “being” or “spirit” who is enormous and has enormous power. I still believe it is because of him that the attacks come. No wonder I believe  that he is more powerful than God: I believed I needed that to escape the wrath of God.

Then it is not “my fault that I suffer.” It is his. And i can be innocent and cry to God that I don’t want this suffering. But as long as i chose the story as “mine”, I WILL be suffering. And when I identify myself with this choice of “me”, then I also must keep me belief in powerlessness.

A  burden fell off when I saw this. It was easy to forgive that choice – and I love that the monster is not real in reality: I made it up. I also made up the “me” and its incarnations.I forgive my decision for this story – for believing in the first fear at the TMI. I give up the “need” to keep this story, and allow Blue to choose for God for me.

And reminding myself that my willingness is all –  the rest is up to H.S and his  timing.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    Feb 05, 2012 @ 19:15:07

    Beautifully said Nina! It is only our belief in anything that keeps it alive. When we no longer believe in it, it melts into the nothingness that it is. When we are willing to see differently, we will.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: