the veil

T-19.IV.D.2. The fourth obstacle to be surmounted hangs like a heavy veil before the face of Christ. 2 as His face rises beyond it, shining with joy because He is in His Father’s Love, peace will lightly brush the veil aside and run to meet Him, and to join with Him at last. 3 For this dark veil, which seems to make the face of Christ Himself like to a leper’s, and the bright Rays of His Father’s Love that light His face with glory appear as streams of blood, fades in the blazing light beyond it when the fear of death is gone.

T-19.IV.D.5. Every obstacle that peace must flow across is surmounted in just the same way; the fear that raised it yields to the love beyond, and so the fear is gone.

Yesterday, I made a decision: I am willing to surrender my belief that the ego has power to block Love. – I was intensely tired of the roller-coaster process of peace and suffering, and was willing to let go of the comfort of the familiar old  sufferer – identity and instead being willing to have a process of ease. This decision was delivered with a lazer-sharp intention.

Dream after this:

I am in a huge empty classroom.All the students have moved on to the next one – and this one is ice cold, deserted. I move into the adjacent room: it is small, and two other male young students are there. The atmosphere is warm and cosy, and one man says, as he is looking out: “Spring is here now.”

A mysterious man comes in his  wooden trustworthy boat. The boat travels by air and water, and we travel with him. We have complete  trust in his ability to take us to our destination – until we come to a precipice. I say, “we are going to die if we go down here with the boat. i will climb down myself, I have more control.” Yes:-) But the man says something that makes me listen to Him, and suddenly we are down, safe.

I see that in this first spring-day all the usual flowers have come up. I name them as we see them around our boat.

He is such a great Master.

Someplace in the dream, there is a really icky dark poisonous energy. I state my willingness to release the belief that ego can block Love – and after some seconds I have the thought that this is the very substance of the veil of illusion, that warps our perception – described above in the Course-quote. Blue  says: “If God is perfect Love, this is a dream.” It’s just stuff. Not a signal of some hidden guilt or dangerous  personal memory. I am starting to be excited to know that Heaven is just beyond this veil.

I am aware that the Master in the boat is right now skillfully maneuvering his boat with me inside it, and that I can trust the journey completely.I relax and allow it to happen. Somehow I am not in the dream any longer – just being with the veil-energy. Knowing that the forms of illusions do not matter at all: I give all my faith to the Master of the boat.

The ego is telling me that I have been so good, I can relax now and go to sleeeep. I don’t want to. I think about Cherubino’s aria in Cosi fan tutte: so terrified to surrender to love, and dedicating it to the Contessa, who looks at him with great love.

Here it is – a little musical interlude:

The ego is threatening me now that he is my big protector. There is an addiction going on – an addiction to listen to him and feeling “safe” in his system. What a lier he is. I choose to put my faith in the Master of this boat.

I am moving through a massive field of fear: “Now you will die.” It is not true – just messages coming from within the veil, and I don’t need to believe these thoughts.

A nasty memory of being controlled and forced by a big male hand on my neck comes, vividly. I see that i somehow told myself that only if i comply, will i not be killed – meaning that I am safe. So I equated being safe with being forced and controlled – and the body stored the cell-memory in the neck.

Now the landscape in the veil looks dismal, obnoxious. I am not the landscape. I choose to trust the Boatsman. – I see myself putting my hand on top of the controller,firmly removing it, calmly saying: “You will never do that again.”

The ego tells me – and this is a strong belief, but all the same, it is a lie: “You need to do this a million more times before it will work.” Again, I willingly release my belief that the ego has power to block Love. And remind myself that the Boatman is the proof that I am heard and answered.

And the ego delivers a fat one: “You are so special going through this, and understanding this, and seeing through the ego.” But it can say absolutely nothing to prevent me from doing what I am doing right now: following the journey through the veil, mapping it.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Mar 13, 2012 @ 22:07:45

    I so love and appreciate your generous sharing of your beautiful process. Thanks.

    Mona

    Reply

  2. Barbara
    Mar 14, 2012 @ 04:19:23

    Love it Nina! Can totally follow your dream:)

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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