revelation

In the shower this morning – what a great place for healing truthful insights! I start thinking about a couple of guys who were really pissed and upset about something I wrote, and had no qualms of expressing it. I felt so attacked. – And then, the insight: I really want to feel attacked and guilty.

Only in A Course in Miracles  – and Ken’s teachings – could this be a revelation: the ego would judge me for being a wuss, a pingle, a masochist, insane. And Love looked on all of that and just smiled.

No wonder I choose ego – I have to, in order to feel unjustly treated.  What a revelation to feel this without the slightest judgment at all: it is just insane, but in a silly way.

God what energy it takes to keep all of that going. And I notice how i look for it when it is not there – in order to control it and hold on to it – this old guilty me-feeling. I just notice it and smile. It’s just STUFF.

It is such a healing to notice HOW MUCH I hold onto guilt. I always thought Ken was nuts when he taught us that – and here I am, finding it and being grateful for it.

It is just a habit that I call me.

And oh: Judgment holds it all in place. I can only let it go now when I see that I choose it.

What a healing when judgments fall away.