On a blessed track

Got the message “I got to have this hit in the ribs examined.” I decided for the ER. I blessed the day and expected the best.

Walking out the door, a new neighbor was loading her big car with 4 kids and a dog. She offered to drop me off on their way to holidays at the coast -and told me that she was a police-officer, and was happy to be of help if I needed it.

WHAT A SAFETY. And what a symbol:-)

In the E.R, it was quiet and calm. Very non-E.R-ish. After a short wait,I was taken in to a female doctor. I sensed panic coming up as she examined the ribs – it felt like a huge disaster was looming. She thought it might be a fracture, not broken ribs. I felt dizzy and spaced out – but did not get what was going on until after the examination when she typed all the info, and one of her apparatuses started sounding like an alarm. She looked at the little machine, shook her head and typed more – and the thingy piped again and again. So I understood that it was a signal for me, not for her: I was in a state of alarm. Aha! I immediately picked up the ACIM-notebook I had brought and opened it randomly: ” Remember that each time you have surgery/visit the doctor/ your subconscious mind may believe that you are going to die.” The thingy gave one more little peep – was there more? “Tell her.” I told her about my Post-Traumatic-stresssyndrome, that I needed that she explained some things very slow and meticulously, otherwise a part of my mind was in panic. When she started to answer all my questions, it became clear that my fear of a ruptured spleen was not likely justified: the spleen, she explained, was placed safely UNDER the ribs, not below it.

Instantly I felt a rush of freed energy, and I started to yawn.  I forgave the “something” in my mind that had SO strongly identified with the vicious attacks when I was small, and had been frozen in an ongoing alarm-memory of being in deadly danger.

No more alarm-signals now – neither from the inner nor the outer. My mind came back from the spaced out realms, I felt clear and tired and calm. The doc saw my transformation. I thanked her for the patience, we hugged and she wished me good luck luck luck 🙂

As I walked to the bus, I was guided to open the notebook again:

“I wanted to get upset about something on the screen, (meaning in my world) and forgiveness is saying “Thank you for showing me this to my mind, thank you for letting me see this part of my mind. I am the dreamer, I am grateful that it is all a projection and falsity. I don’t have to change it, fix it, or strive or anything. That’s what the joy is.” David Hoffmeister.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    May 18, 2012 @ 15:32:57

    This is an awesome entry! Thanks.

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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