I can not wake up alone,without my brother

Dream: I am traveling on the longest train in the world. I have attended a course with clay, and have made many exquisite clay figures that I have brought with me in my luggage.

As I walk through the train, I leave my luggage behind in the compartment that is “mine” and some friends, and enter a dark compartment. Still, I recognize my brother – and we embrace.

Writing this, huge feelings pours through me: this brother and I have numerous incarnations together, mostly as lovers/spouses. In each of the incarnations that I know of, he has had the role of “betraying” that love – many times for monastic life, or a life in a Mystery Tradition. And I have had the familiar role of the betrayed and abandoned and left poor woman.

He has “betrayed” and left me this life too: he simply will and can not accept that I experienced the abuse that I did – that would crush his image of our father for him. So he is just silent. We don’t communicate. And as I don’t want to push him to accept what he can not, I have accepted the situation – but in my heart, I miss him so.

Now, in the dream, in the soft darkness, we embraced.And embraced,and embraced. I feel the old feeling of this NOW: there has never been any man I have loved as you. All old grievances slip off, as we see each other as the Holy Son of God. It is laughable to think that there ever could be anything else than this love between us.

Now we have reached the end stop of the journey. The tracks lead into a tunnel, but it is filled with snow and ice. Strangely, I spot somebody clearing that tunnel from the other side: we will get through! And so… I just have to get my luggage! I simply can not leave those clay-figures – my precious creations – so I tell him to wait for me, and rush back through the train…will it still be there?

I find one bag – but it seems empty! Franticly I call to my friends to help me, and one of them finds it for me –

I take my 3 bags and run to my brother- I have used hours on this search for luggage – will he still wait for me? Will he BE there?

“Are you here?” I call, and there he is – standing in a black suit in a stair, leading out of the train, through the roof – and he smiles and all time has left and all that is left is LOVE.

At the journey’s end we are One again – and I cannot get there without my Brother, as the Course says.

As I wake up from the dream, my body still carries the imprint from this embrace in LOVE. A little taste of Heaven for sure: a state of absolute clarity, peace and joy – and simplicity.

To open my heart for both of us is wonderful beyond words.


Here are many symbols of transitions – : the dark suit, the end of the journey, the stairs leaving the train/journey -this might mean that he might be close to death –

and if so, I know well that his body may die, but this connection to Love and Oneness never will-

and all the rest is completely meaningless

Lost in the story

So often I am lost in the story I call “mine.” Whenever strong pains come, the body is involved, and I am sucked into the story that these are “my” pains and not “the” pain in our collective pain-body.

The only remedy I have then is to remember that as long as I believe in this, I am lost in confusion and ego, and can not advise or help myself. But what I can do, is sit up and find a Course-wise-word-notebook, flip it open and read what Love has to say to me. Always – no exception – I find words that dis-identify me with the victim-me.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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