Pearls in the poop

The most frequent trap in my practice is to resist feeling hate, anger, fear – that means, judging those feelings as bad, or telling myself that if I feel hatred that means that I am a bad person, really not worthy to live. I see that much of my intense fear of these feelings comes from believing that I can turn into one of those “monsters” I experienced as a child – so each time I am resisting one of those feelings, automatic defenses come up like a fountain,

In the shower-session today 🙂 I saw – again – that all of those feelings belong to the story I have been playing out this incarnation. More and more bits and pieces of it comes effortless to the surface, as something of a nightmare that dissolves in the clear light of the day. “There I go again” Blue reminds me to say – and smiles.

A little later, I was sitting in the living room. about to read “Of course!” Reflections on A Course in Miracles By Ian Patrick, when I noticed some hairs on my red woolen shawl. Instant disgust. I watched it: this is disgusting, obnoxious, I am about to vomit, my hair fall out, I am old, decrepit, not worthy – and on and on it went, like an avalanche.

“Hating anything about yourself.” said Blue, “really means that you believe these thoughts about you. Just notice it – be willing to be wrong about it 🙂 – and ask me to correct your perception.”

The thoughts evaporated – just as the old stories – and as I just sat with the heavy energy and allowed myself to let it be, I saw the Holy Son of God putting on several disgusting costumes, looking in the mirror and believing the ugly images he saw. While in reality, he could just realized that under all those layers of ugly, he remained just as God created him.

I smiled as I sensed the Love under all that hate – unchangeable Love. And I opened Ian’s book and read: “Pearls in the Poop” – describing the exact process I already had been through.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    Jun 24, 2012 @ 15:20:50

    Love this Nina! How about this: I saw the Holy Son of God putting on several disgusting costumes, looking in the mirror and laughing because he thought the costumes were so funny. It reminded him of old monstor movies when the film makers tried so hard to make something look creepy and now when he watched those same movies the “monstors” look so fake. Ah how delightful that we can now laugh at all the costumes.

    Love,

    Barbara

    Reply

  2. leelotchka44
    Jun 24, 2012 @ 19:09:13

    Excellent version, Barbara! Gotta remember to laugh 🙂

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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