I am awake

Some days ago, I visited an exhibition in a wood-area, called “Lost Home.” One of the many artists, Christine Balsløf, had placed a number of mirrors into the landscape. I took many photos: the 2-dimensional “me” in the 3-dimensional wood captured in a 2-dimensional photo.

I then sent the photos to my daughter, who commented that what I held against my right shoulder did disturb a bit.

I felt a huge storm of hatred and energy coming at me: how COULD SHE attack me in this way! I wrote her a curt mail pointing out how unloving that was  and had a quite horrible day.

The next day, I was willing to ask for help to see her as innocent. I did not feel any difference inside – but later, I looked at her mail again and was flabbergasted. How in the world was it possible to see her remark as an attack?

And that’s when it dawned on me that I had just been caught in the old paranoia – and had projected it on her.

I mailed her instantly and told her I had been wrong – she mailed back hugs and smiles.

Somehow I have chosen to believe in the old stories rather than believing  the truth.

I mailed Barbara and ranted. Why could I not be finished with all of this repetition of patterns, when I had got it 30 years ago?

Today I sat down and allowed Blue to speak through me – He spoke to the tortured girl-identity, and told her that her only problem is that she has believed that she was without God in those torture-moments – and has allowed herself to believe in all the stories and interpretations that came out of believing in separation.

I shifted between “being” the girl and the Love that is speaking to her – and sitting in that loving embrace, as the girl, it gradually became clear that all my stories were false – they all came from the belief that I was separated and therefore guilty.

Then I opened Barb’s answer-mail:

Leelah what are you trying to heal? What is sick?
You are not a body. You are as God created you without form. How can form need healing?
Yes the thoughts, feelings, pain will come. The shift that takes place is seeing that just because they come; which they will because that is their job, does not mean you are not awake. You are just as awake as Myron and I. All you have to do is believe it.
Simply believe I AM awake because nothing else is true. All Myron and I did was simply believe.
Does that help?


Yes it does



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Awareness
    Jul 26, 2012 @ 17:12:28

    Good post, and interesting that I’ve seen it just as I am considering writing my own post on ‘allowing’ oneself to be awake. You’ve inspired me to sit down and do it!


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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