Liberation Unleashed

I have some days been in an intense process with Ilona Ciunaite. She and her friend Elena Nezhinsky have this website: Liberation Unleashed.

You can read on Ilona’s blog a great example of how the inquiry goes: “Action figure Ron sees it too.” An amazing demonstration of starting to see.

Now I am in the lucky position to have Ilona helping me too. In short, it is about seeing that the I – and me – does not exist – it is just a story of separation.

Ego fought that like crazy.  Of course I exist!!! Then in the night, this happened:

Suddenly all doubt was gone: The I is just a label and a thought. I am not a label. A label is NOT real. This is crystal clear. What would I lose if that was gone – meaning my belief that those I- thoughts were important?
Nothing at all. There would be no more drama.There would be clear perception. Life would just live itself through me – nothing to fix, nothing to take personal. The ownership of all “my” experiences would be gone.

What simplicity and release!

And then, waking up next morning, the clarity was gone. But I had seen reality, and I am trying to understand now how it is possible to look at my pasts horror-stories without attaching a “me” to them. I can only be willing to think such a seemingly strange thought because I have used the last days to read all they have published: all the processes with people like you and me who suddenly SEES and loses the belief in ego – seeing it just as a story,too.

So this blog will now share how this process is going.


I recently had a Skype session with Stacy Sully. Here is what Nouk Sanchez says about her:

For anyone with any kind of challenge whether it is physical or emotional, Stacy helps access the core. Her ability to heal is a direct result of her total trust in and certainty of God – being all Love with no opposite.

She acts as a conduit and heals by going beyond (looking past appearances) polarities, i.e. sick or healthy. She helps us access our Center, the Holy Place within…where all is perfection. This Center knows no fear, no pain, no loss, no sickness and no deprivation. In this Center all is one and all is perfect. It is here in our Holy Self where only God’s Law (Love) is present. And as we learn to access this sacred state, the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence must fall away.
Her work reminded me of my shamanistic past – she healed blocks to Love’s presence by joining with them and letting them go. I did not feel any different in a big way – but an etheric disturbance on the right side of the head was healed, and suddenly my hearing is better! And this night I discovered that when the usual disaster-thoughts come, I could just notice them and not attach to them at all – just allowing them to float by. There was no judgment.

I was also invited to be with the inner 2-year old more often, and invited to remind her of a unicorn we once saw at an exhibition: it was an installation – the artist Børre Sæthre  had placed a white (stuffed) horse in a blue and white chamber and made a unicorn out of him.

This is unfortunately the only image that exists – it can’t be enlarged – but you’ll get an impression.

Entering that chamber I was luckily alone, and I could freely feel the enormous longing that came up. Tears and tears and tears – I sensed a longing “back to” this world where such creatures exist and can be communicated to. It felt like a true homecoming, and in this space my inner child – enchanted –  felt safe.

I believe she felt safe because she sensed that this dimension was separate from the horror-dimension she usually lived in.

So this night I dreamed that my child in real life, now 33 years younger as a toddler – symbolizing my inner child – phoned me and told me she could not enter our home. When I woke up I realized that my inner child still thinks our former apartment is where she lives – she still have not “moved in with me” in our condo. Still dissociated – displaced – but she is not any longer “taking over” my identity and nervous system. When I notice her inside, I just have to take the time to be with her, allow safety and Love to be with us, and point to the Unicorn – grotto.To her, the Holy Spirit is a Unicorn.

A day in the life of love

This is a piece from Stephen Levine’s poetic awareness. Thank you, Stephen, for your blanket permission to include your work in my work –

This is taken from “A day in the life of love ” – Pt 1,July 26,2010

We have so long mistaken ourselves for our fear. We may even feel that without our fear we would not know who we were. But love can give a meaning to our life that the state of meaninglessness can not imagine. Indeed we may find when we begin to live a life of love that we have not been living our own life but rather in the image and likeness of someone else’s, a parent, an admired hero, an unreachable religious figure. The image of someone we wished we were. And come to notice why “ wearing the clothes of another” our life fit so poorly.

We discover our true life a day at a time. The unfolding of our authentic life may take us through unexplored territory. What we settled for previously may be seen as always somewhat dissatisfactory as the satisfaction of we become increasingly loving toward ourselves and others. Not allowing the judging mind to rush into the wake of our progress and follow us like a lost dog. But noticing those tendencies too to be unloving toward ourselves. Sometimes the barking gets so loud we can hardly hear our selves think anything else. But instead of running fearfully away we mindfully turn toward these fears and speak softly to the dog, we make it feel safe not knowing quite what lays ahead but daily learning from an increasing warmth to trust the process. Its not, as the judging mind might growl, that we were somehow living a lie before but that now day by day options previously little considered are presenting themselves. In a sense we are always living something of a lie until there is nothing separating us from the clarity that is indistinguishable from love.

No one can dream our dreams or pray our prayers. But grace is our true nature. The experience of our true grace awaits our willingness to go deeper. And when we meet beneath who we think we are who we really are it thrills us. It liberates unimagined options.

As Rene Dumal pointed out in Mount Analogue those who stay in the base camp may believe they are safer at times but those who climb gain a perspective that stays with them for a lifetime. In fact once we have been able to see above the lowlands we are never quite lost again and our view of life is forever offered a more spacious option.


What might it be like to inhabit a life of clarity and love?

To explore the terrain of love just below the stormy atmosphere that sometimes hides our true nature from view? To traverse a universe within greater, more spacious, than that in which the stars seem to float. To wander the pastures of compassion, to dive to the bottom of the bottomless sea of Being and the heart not skip a beat, and the breath breathe itself in absolute peace.

A woman who had been depressed for some time spoke of waking up one morning into “a very new day”. She said she awoke somehow knowing that “when the heart has broken it heals back bigger than before because it has to incorporate so much pain”. The subtle nausea that often precedes a breaking through arose as her attention dropped into the ache growing at the center of her chest. The pain was so great she could hardly breathe. It felt like her breath, maybe even her heart, might stop. It seemed a very long time between breaths. Gasping for air like someone just short of drowning she said, it felt like first her belly, and then her chest burst open as she took a breath directly into her heart. She felt a kind of mercy and willingness to live fill her heart. Her body heaved with a great sigh as she let that releasing breath go.From something deeper than knowing she remembered how breathing directly could revive the heart.

And she began to breathe in and out of the ache in the center of her chest sensing it was a vent directly into her heart. Breathing in love and breathing out all the unattended sorrow. Opening into a day in what became a remarkable life of love.

Coming Home

Inside the closet, the girl on her knees held her hands over her ears and told her breath to comfort her pounding heart. She knew she could never leave the closet.

The next day she started the metamorphosis, turning herself into stone. The first layer around the heart was unpleasant; the anaesthetizing part of stonification had to be meticulous. First she worked with the cold, and because she still took it personally, she almost died. But at one point she realized that as soon as she allowed the time aspect to dissolve, pain dissolved too.

From this moment, the stonification went fast. It was just a decision really, to allow the heart to be encapsulated – so in three days there was no more girl, just a grey stone with a faint resemblance to a body.

On the other side of the door was silence. It seemed that the life outside belonged to a past century – a past life – or maybe just a memory, or that she was dreaming it all up. It did not concern her.

Inside the closet, she sensed herself becoming liquid. This was a surprise, but she liked it – there was a quaint patient quality about this transformation that she trusted. She had no control at all – and oh how sweet that was!

Timelessness passed. The new body was forming, the mind no longer human. And one day she felt her chrysalis bursting. She saw a long and green and slender foot stretching out from the crack in the shell.

She had become a grasshopper! She was exhilarated. She jumped upwards through the ventilation in the ceiling, and stood on the roof, looking down at the frog pond with the lotus flowers. How she loved that pond! – But as a grasshopper, she’d better be careful now …she flew down and sat on the side of the pond, smelling the lotus flowers. It filled her out completely; she started to sing in ecstasy. Her heart felt like bursting with love.

She played for a while with her new musical abilities, and at one moment her love could not be contained any longer – she had to join with her tribe.

No sooner than her longing had made itself known, she was there in the swarm of her kin. The red Poppies, the violet Lavender, the sweet air in the Village – she was home, joining the ecstatic choir.


I love looking at this “me” sleeping. As Love, I clearly see that some
of the dream is very scary – there are twitches and shocks – and he
certainly is not aware that I am holding him, and that he is dreaming.
It is so very real for the dreamer….and oh how clearly I see that it IS still just a dream


Finding the fear-belief under the irritation

I recently wrote on an ACIM-web-group:

...when I meet the cry for love in another (or myself) as “something” or “somebody” that has not yet opened his/her heart to love, then what is not-love = the ego – melts. I am only meeting whatever is not love, but  is crying out for love – with love.
Does that make sense?

And predictably, Willy answers:

Yes, Leelah, that makes sense. But remember that the Son of God is one. When you perceive a cry for love in another, that is YOUR cry for love. When you respond with love, you are giving love to the Son. Giving love brings to your awareness that you ARE Love. Ultimately you realize that there is nothing but Love.

My stomach goes into churning and burning. Luckily I see this as an opportunity to find a long time-preserved false belief to forgive. I also enjoy my righteous irritation – now that I know I will soon drop it.

I answer his post:

Willy, you and me have this little dance going on: I post something – and more often than not, you answer with a mail that tells me what I seemingly need to remember and understand, what I seem to have missed. Each time, I feel, “What? wasn’t that clear and included in my post?” I also feel pissed.

So today I went through this short procedure to help myself find the fear underlying my irritation at being reminded  by Willy what the Course says.Maybe it can be helpful to others too. I got this from Ido lanuel, who has a wonderful online workshop on self-awareness

1) What event or thought set off the anger?
2) What is the fear underlying your perception?
3) What reaction arises? (The reaction might not be expressed externally – “I think about it for days” is also a reaction you could list here)
4) What are the problems in your perception that enable the anger to exist?

Answer:1) Willy’s pointing out that I need to know what I though was self-evident, so I didn’t point it out

2) The fear of not being heard and understood – the fear that there is something inherently WRONG with me that Willy sees and is trying to save

3)Reaction: Irritation, sensed in the stomach/midsection as a burning squirming -and that I think about it a lot and blame Willy for his “preaching”

4)Problems in my perception: I perceive Willy as something separate from me. I am aware of how much I judge preaching  – the tendency to point out peoples “errors in thinking”  – and this has to do with a need to be RIGHT.

Oh I own this one. Something inside is terrified of being called “wrong” – because that is how she truly perceives herself ( and is terrified of being found out:-))

What is the fear underlying this perception?

I am not expressing myself so that I am understood correctly. That must mean that I am wrong = guilty – – which means that God has really dropped me (or I Him)

Yes, there it is.The irritation eases off, peace comes. Looking at it with Jesus, smiling as the irritation and fear lets go and is replaced with peace –

Thanks Ido! and thanks Willy for the possibility to feel this out.

Accepting what is

Yesterday, I had one of the most sublime Sedona-sessions ever. My new Skype-partner Cary asked me  questions that allowed me to stay gently with what is – and i stayed with the fear-energy which lodges around my heart.

It was all allowed and witnessed with presence and L0ve, and inside it I heard a chorus of agonized voices from the collective mind that cried out to be heard – just heard. I knew that I heard them, a great peace enveloped me/us, and I found myself giving it all over to the One. A rush of spiritual energy was felt, and I was calm and peaceful.

The came the night: cramps absolutely everywhere. They were on the border of just tolerable, but it was impossible to rest and sleep – so I watched English country-side series instead: From Lark rise to Candleford.

I sensed quickly that it was no use to affirm that the pains were not real. It seems that I have decided to “do this” availability within the dream – and when I ask Blue about it,He tells me to simply say yes to it.

So I needed a little nudge to be reminded about this last night. I could not hear Blue’s Voice – the cramps felt really bad.

When I came into the dark living room, a light flared up to my left. I looked: nothing there. Then it flared up again – it was my Walkman that I had forgotten to close. I took it up and looked at the program it was showing: it was a class by ACIM teacher Jamie Romkey, called “Accepting what is.” I had not listened to his classes for a long time, and had not consciously opened his class – but there it was.

I listened to him talking about the importance of accepting where we are: if the identification to the body still is strong, just acknowledge it and don’t try to pretend it is an illusion.

So for some reason, this is where I still need to do the work – acceptance of pain as not “MY” pain but THE pain – and assisting it in being released to Truth.

When did you lose your voice?

Nice synchronicity to my last post

Old movie

Following the process – still the old theme of “darkness.” Yet another tough experience in the night and morning, with overwhelming depression and gloom. Yet – Blue is very available when I ask for help.

Blue:The attacks and darkness you are having are memories from the past – and thus the effect of the belief in Time – being projected into the Present. You cannot fix them – but you can receive them with Love.

Me: Many many times I have met them with the willingness to Be with them and bless them, to extend all my Love into  “this” – and to see it as scared children dressing up as demons, crying out for love and forgiveness – which I have offered, as the gifts I can give as the Holy Son of God, created in His image.

Seeing “darkness” is seeing through a dark filter of judgment –  and with  judgment I see myself as unworthy and ugly and afraid. I see myself as a terrified child/victim – and it seems SO alive in me, I feel all its feelings of overwhelm. Because of  the sensations/pains in my nervous system, I identify with it subconsciously.

Blue: If this pain and darkness and horror is real, God is not real. If you believe God is real – and you do  – then this pain and horror is just ego’s creations, which you, as the Holy Son of God use your tremendous power to animate – or make real. Do not deny your immense God-given power  that you share with Him: the world around you, just an imagination, seems so very real – because as humans, you believe that what you can touch has reality – and the mind is just “thoughts”. Since you, as Mind, made all of this up – = the Universe – saying it is real –you can choose again.Just acknowledge this: “It is impossible for me, who am created in God’s image, to discreate what He has created. If that was possible, it would also mean that it is possible to discreate my Self.”

Me: So I am acknowledging that what seems to be visiting me, telling me that it is more powerful that Love, are just projections/manifestations of guilt, fear and sin – it comes in many packages and variations, to divert my mind and make it interested in my creations.

Blue: Fear loves to dress itself up – and fragment itself into a multitude of costumes and “spirits” that now must be placated by you. Lots of efforts now – to take your mind off the Truth. There is nothing wrong in noticing these occurrences – but you are the awareness noticing it, and not a victim of it. When you stop giving your God-given power to the belief that the show is real, you might just tire of the show and leave the showroom. It is like an old film you have seen in all possible variations – why are you still buying tickets?

Me: so what do I do then, the next time I wake up and feel the old horror in my veins and muscles, and hear the threats that I belong to it? And feel a HUGE identification with the victim-child-part?

Blue: realize that you have used your vast power to imagine something that is impossible, and by that trick you have proved that God is wrong and you are right: separation really happened. The one in you that does this, CAN NOT be the real Self – right? YOU are aware of it – and YOU can choose again. Forgive yourself for dreaming this dream, and for repeating it until you are tired of it. Choose to believe that the power you use to recreate the dream of darkness, you can use to co-create with God: extending the Love That you are.

Me: On behalf  of the Son of God, I choose to release the part of my mind that joins with the ego in this. I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. Holy Spirit, please let me know when I enter this self-imprisonment-game, so I can choose to smile instead. In the name of my freedom, I release you – because I realize we will be released together.

All you need

You don’t need anything else

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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