Finding the fear-belief under the irritation

I recently wrote on an ACIM-web-group:

...when I meet the cry for love in another (or myself) as “something” or “somebody” that has not yet opened his/her heart to love, then what is not-love = the ego – melts. I am only meeting whatever is not love, but  is crying out for love – with love.
Does that make sense?

And predictably, Willy answers:

Yes, Leelah, that makes sense. But remember that the Son of God is one. When you perceive a cry for love in another, that is YOUR cry for love. When you respond with love, you are giving love to the Son. Giving love brings to your awareness that you ARE Love. Ultimately you realize that there is nothing but Love.

My stomach goes into churning and burning. Luckily I see this as an opportunity to find a long time-preserved false belief to forgive. I also enjoy my righteous irritation – now that I know I will soon drop it.

I answer his post:

Willy, you and me have this little dance going on: I post something – and more often than not, you answer with a mail that tells me what I seemingly need to remember and understand, what I seem to have missed. Each time, I feel, “What? wasn’t that clear and included in my post?” I also feel pissed.

So today I went through this short procedure to help myself find the fear underlying my irritation at being reminded  by Willy what the Course says.Maybe it can be helpful to others too. I got this from Ido lanuel, who has a wonderful online workshop on self-awareness

1) What event or thought set off the anger?
2) What is the fear underlying your perception?
3) What reaction arises? (The reaction might not be expressed externally – “I think about it for days” is also a reaction you could list here)
4) What are the problems in your perception that enable the anger to exist?

Answer:1) Willy’s pointing out that I need to know what I though was self-evident, so I didn’t point it out

2) The fear of not being heard and understood – the fear that there is something inherently WRONG with me that Willy sees and is trying to save

3)Reaction: Irritation, sensed in the stomach/midsection as a burning squirming -and that I think about it a lot and blame Willy for his “preaching”

4)Problems in my perception: I perceive Willy as something separate from me. I am aware of how much I judge preaching  – the tendency to point out peoples “errors in thinking”  – and this has to do with a need to be RIGHT.

Oh I own this one. Something inside is terrified of being called “wrong” – because that is how she truly perceives herself ( and is terrified of being found out:-))

What is the fear underlying this perception?

I am not expressing myself so that I am understood correctly. That must mean that I am wrong = guilty – – which means that God has really dropped me (or I Him)

Yes, there it is.The irritation eases off, peace comes. Looking at it with Jesus, smiling as the irritation and fear lets go and is replaced with peace –

Thanks Ido! and thanks Willy for the possibility to feel this out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: