Blessings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great Big Stone Being

Be-mossed

be-lived

be-loved

just Love dressed up as stone –

I asked you three questions:

What is my beauty?

Kindness

What is my gift?

Forgiveness

What is my wound?

Belief in separation

What is my medicine?

Willingness to trust this moment – this process – this life NOW – and writing and working with images like this

THANK YOU

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I put the red-violet flower kindness inside the violet flower forgiveness

 

 

 

 

 

 

The little moss-piece is the belief in separation: “me”

The gifts of beauty and kindness are close to it

And True Perception -The All Seeing Cone-being –

They all rest on the Mother Who Listens and Answers

Through time and time and time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cone Being With Eyes All Over

All seeing –

so the little moss-piece -me

can feel the comfort of the

memory of Love –

and notice that they come from the same landscape

Cone-being seeing with Love

only

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only TIME has placed these elements

as seemingly separate “beings:”

Flower – moss – stone – cone – lichen

all fragments, parts of a hologram

which in itself is also

just

a grand illusion

The life that lives on stone -gradually covering the hard core with myriads expressions of life

I can lie on you and smell you and rest in your soft fragrant fur

– and look into the old naked stone-core

But in reality, you are just a thought in the mind

All-seeing

all-loving

LOVE

Yesterday, I watched an interview of Nouk Sanchez by Ken Bok. Nouk’s view of death – and the unreality of it – did something strong to me. That part starts at 56 minutes.

Then I had a meeting with my daughter in town, and felt the usual squirming before we met.I stated the intention to see her as innocent, without all the stories I lay upon her – she has been my main projection-holder, poor girl.

A miracle happened, and all my false perceptions of our relationship fell away. There’s only Love left now – and everything else that seemed to happen were stories only – no more believed in.All that I perceived as closed between us – defended – opened into beauty and the warmest embrace ever.

It feels like million of years with projections and roles and struggles and resistance just went down the drain -and is seen as never real at all, delusions deliciously gone in a moment.

So this night the usual horror is not taken seriously – there’s no resistance to it, no reactions – and the feeling of a foreign strange and strong influence is gone. Then it stops being horror and turns into energy, and I am just laying there saying yes to it – which is doable now just because I don’t take it seriously/personal.

That’s all the difference. From hell to HERE NOW.

*

And now to something completely different:

At the storyteller symposium I fell in love with a clown. I was coming into the house from a short stroll, and there he stood outside the auditorium – he had strange instruments on his back, and was alert as a tiger, ready to do unexpected mischief during a lecture. Our eyes met, there was an instantaneous recognition of “I know you and I love you.” The clown was without language, but as our eyes met he kissed the air.

I told him I was in love with him, and we parted.

Later I was talking to Sebastian – the one the clown came through. I am not in love with Sebastian, but That wild creature who came through him: unpredictable, and with a huge power to stir us from our sleep of conditions. I remember a time in my education where I had painted an image –

Trickster

-and later did a performance where I became this figure, exploring him, allowing him to come through me. He was relating to a figure one of my classmates were playing – a refined woman playing flute. The meeting between them still sits in my cells as pure joy and outrageousness. The class went wild, and my teacher yelled  ” I LOVVVE YOUUU!”

Dearest inner fear free being – not contained in “clown”-category – you are a trickster with power to transform the timid constricted  fear filled ones. Welcome

*

PS The second I had posted it, it got a “like” from this blogger:

http://clotildajamcracker.wordpress.com/

Talk about the power of like attracts like – me like!!! Love you, Clotilda – we belong to the same tribe of sane nuts and sillypots

Being with the root-fear

3.post today …

I was Skyping with Kit, after a long summer-pause. I was sharing the wish to “turn the lantern” at the very root of my perception that it is dangerous to be me and have a WILL. This is a part in a great online self-awareness workshop I am taking: 2baware by Ido Lanuel.

So I am taking it to the very root level: I am afraid that it is dangerous to BE with Truth – or God. The same. I am afraid of having MY will – and it’s not ego-will I am talking about: I am afraid to have a will AT ALL. The memory of having a will at all – the ability to say no, or show resistance, means certain death. You do not show resistance to an insane person who is attacking you as a baby.This fear is accented by the strong heart-pains described in an earlier post today – which gives me the idea that I am having a heart attack/may be dying – and of course the ego/body is afraid of that.

But the fear is a memory. I am not in danger now.

The Internet contact is broken – for the 5th time this session. I decide that I WILL have this connection with Kit – and that it is NOT life-threatening. Connection re-established.

I discover that it is not necessary to have contact with the wild terror at the root of these perceptions. I am now sinking down to the place where I know that I must not say a word in order to save my life. The more I eradicate myself, the safer am I.

This is a core belief my soul has had. I sense it filling me completely. And I am Ok with it.

I am filled with the deepest peace. Accepting the fear/belief as just a wrong minded thought, I AM FREE FROM IT.

Holy Spirit, may this deep peace fill up the space my old fear has taken. I don’t need it any longer – and it is NOT keeping me safe by giving me heart-pains – just automatically repeating an old pattern that is out-moded now.

On this level there are no beliefs that I am “wrong” and “have to do things right”  – the ego’s favorite slogans.No wonder that they had such strong roots: I thought I would be killed if I did not “do things right”, that is, conform to insanity.

What an utter and complete opposite of truth I have embraced as “safety.”

Lost and found: enough

Alright, this last video in this post is a gift of synchronicity to me. I have to tell you that today I felt a big ENOUGH. The night was nightmarish again. When it started I started my prayers too – and I felt such joy and connection. Then huge pains started in the chest area – and this mechanism is old: when I seem to be connected to Truth, ego flares up in defense. Heart pains are its favorite: very scary.

Something inside just gave up. I felt a huge anger at God, and expressed it. Felt instantly better. That made me wonder what was going on. Where do these pains come from? ego thought system. Whenever I connect to truth, they seem to attack me.

In the morning, I felt like jumping out of the window. I can’t stand this any longer. I logged on my email, and found the father and daughter-video in the last mail – which I titled lost/found. Then there was another video in my YouTube-digest which also was titled Enough: from the author of “Lost and found”…it felt like a sweet smile from God. So I will post it below.

I see how the inner attack is kept alive by an eternal unconscious root-belief that I am not worthy, and so must “deserve” these attacks from darkness when I connect with Truth. ENOUGH says the Voice now ( which is MY voice: I am the author of “Lost/found”:-)) What uses to happen when I experience help like this, is that the next time the attacks come and I remember the ENOUGH, there is no change at all – AND the helplessness instantly arrives and reminds me that the Course is an all wrong path for me.

STILL I will say enough, and allow H.S to heal this for me.

There really is nothing else to do, is there?

OHMYGODTHISISHILAROUS – look at that video – Blue is having a ball with me – oh how i needed to see that one! But it was NOT the one I wanted to post here 🙂 – let me see if I succeed this time:

Lost/found

 

Three angels visiting

The Course reminds us that “In defenselessness your safety lies.” I truly know how much fuss I stir up when I believe in “doing it on my own” that is, excluding God or Love.

I have lately attended a symposium for Storytelling. Ah. These people belong to my tribe, I enjoyed it immensely – except at nights, where darkness was overwhelming – I simply could not seem to get the help I needed.

One day, a friend shared a story about three angels staying with her. She had done some strange procedures to have them visit, and the three wishes she gave them were fulfilled! So I asked her if I could borrow them the next night – and she said yes!

In the night, it felt like the energy field lightened – I got exactly the boost I needed to be able to look at the dark beings and NOT want them to go away – so now, I felt safe enough to say:“ Here we are. Welcome. Is there anything I can do for you?”

They melted – and behind /inside were frightened children.

I have known that, but it is vastly different to experience it.

At breakfast, people remarked on how well I looked – like a big suffering had fallen off. I girl said, “When I saw you first time, you were a head shorter than me. Today you are a head higher.”

Two heads growth!

This feedback is so very valuable – since my body does not feel any lighter. Without this feedback, I might have pooh-poohed the transformation. What an immensely vital reminder this is : the pain and agony in this bodymind is not MINE – it is the collective ego-mind’s suffering, proving that we are separate from Love.

When I came home, the usual agony in the mornings was still there. But now, when I asked for help to see it differently, Blue said: “You are picking up the collective field of memories from massacres.”

Instant release.