What is here without a ME involved?

A friend posted these questions on the Liberation Unleashed Forum:

– In this moment is there a ME trying to direct the scene?
– Am I really separate or does it just feel that way?
– What is here without a ME involved?

There is an impulse to find the answers:

I think there might be a me involved in going to my blog and answering the questions – since it is “my” blog. It is defined as something where one needs to have a password; only “I” can get in and post – that might mean that this is “my” blog.

But the writing just happens: I just follow impulses. I follow what comes. During that process, the “me” comes and brings with it a whiff of self-consciousness and judgment – like  “was “I” clear enough?”

“was IT clear enough” is without a me, and so much freer

– Am I really separate or does it just feel that way?

Oh, BIG difference. It only ever feels that way.

– What is here without a ME involved?

A faint sound from the PC. A heaviness in the head. Cuticles on little fingers itch.Deeper breath happens. The sounds of the fingers hitting the keyboard. A little sadness. Missing my cats. The cats are present in my mind in the middle of that missing. No separation. A sound of a helicopter…thoughts: “Are they looking for somebody missing? Do I need to worry for them?” An imagination of the field outside my windows covered in the first snow. Relaxation. Peace.


Are you are puppet?

Two approaches leading to the same peace

Kit and I am Skyping. She is telling me about Bruce Lipton’s awakening. As a biologist, he investigated the cellular make-up: for years and years he experimented with cells. He found that  removing the cell-nucleus from the cell, and keeping the membrane, the cell still survived for about a month.

Without the membrane – the “bridge” between the outer and the inner – the separated cell nucleus died instantly.

The specialness – the genes for red hair,musicality,colorblindness and black skin lies in the DNA. Life itself lies in the membrane – the connective tissue.

Lipton shares how he worked and worked, and through the years his insights “crystallized” until he had his awakening. Kit and I agree that we both are crystallizing too – everything we have been through is leading us to amazing synchronicities, people and information come to us in wondrous ways.

I share a process from this early morning: there were strong tensions behind my eyes as usual, leading to neck pain. Through the last 30 years I have found effective ways of addressing pain and discomfort with gentleness and communication – so also this morning, where I expressed a wish to hear the pain out – what it was all about, and why it felt the need to keep this habit of straining the muscles so much.

It told me the story of needing to have full control ALL THE TIME: noticing everything around me to find signs that baddies were lurching – scanning the mind to be on the outlook for inner baddies/demons/enemies – and having to, compulsively,do this constantly. One second’s rest could mean instant death and hell.

Talk about obsessive-compulsive disorder:-)

Having found the roots of the tension-making and looking at it with love, the tensions were releasing, tears flowing – showing me that even the tear ducts were afflicted with automatic tensions.

I feel asleep, and had a dream: hundreds of people were together at a farm in the country for playing – just playing. In almost every other dreams where I am with other people, somebody is always sabotaging, being angry,quarreling about “rules.” I am always the one who tries to uphold peace and arrange things in a good way – to no avail and to my great frustration, waking up irritated and exhausted.

This time, everybody in the dream were co-operating. All the games flowed effortlessly; we were all following the organic flow of the processes, nobody had to be special and make fuss.We were all enjoying ourselves, trusting each other.

Waking up, I realized how the dream mirrored a huge change in the mind – from controlling and separation to co-operation and play.

The Course’s approach to pain is radically different: since pain is not created by God, it is imagined and unreal.

I see that after I had worked with pain in the way I have used for so many years, I now felt free to take the Course’s approach – the forgive the belief in value of control, and deny the pain as real. Both approaches lead to freedom.

Something deep inside relaxed as I saw how much I have listened to ego’s voice that ONLY the Course’s approach is the acceptable one – meaning that every time I did a non-Course practice I would feel bad and guilty, and the ego would be satisfied. But of course, what is valuable is  following inner Guidance exposing blocks, and seeing the purpose of holding on to suffering and specialness.



The me is thinning out

Ilona Ciunaite allows me to post these quotes from her and Elena Nezhinsky’s free-e-book “Gateless Gatecrashers” – 21 interviews with people being guided to look at the self

I am reviewing  the notes I have made, each morning. The me is becoming thinned out.

Garcius: Still this feeling of “I” is here. Yes, a huge label of “me”.
Grrr, I want to get rid of that labelling…
Ilona: Labeling is happening and there is no one here to get rid of it. It’s happening and it will be as it always was.
It’s not the labeling that drops and not the feeling of beingness, but the belief that there is a “you” to which all this is happening.
And that drops because you see the truth that actually, in real life, there really isn’t. So investigate that first and foremost.
Life is. You aren’t.
Do the math.
Garsius: There is a feeling of apathy here. It’s like “yeah, yeah, that is true, but—whatever”. Sometimes moments of strange happiness come, then everything’s the same again.
Ilona: Good, good, it’s all happening. There is no “you” to see but seeing is happening. Is this true?
Garsius: Yes, it’s true—there is no “me” seeing, just a feeling that it is “I” who sees, seeing happening by itself.
Ilona: The feeling that it is “I” that sees—look there. There is a feeling of seeing + labelling. = “I see”. Look at that feeling again. Get on it, don’t be shy. Climb inside it, look at the world from that perspective.
Seeing is happening….

Ilona: How is everything looking today?
Garsius: Peaceful, quiet and no one cares even about such nice things. Today there is no apathy. Today is… nothing.
Ilona: How does it feel to be liberated?
Garsius: Like a beginning, or something like that. There is a strong need to show this to others also. There is silent gratitude with no target for it. And mind becomes like this: “oh, I should be very happy” and disappears. And there is love—silent warmth towards all: you, Elena, table, rain…
Ilona: Awesome! Thank you. Much appreciation here.
There are some questions left that we need to go through just to clarify, but I see you’ve made it.
Answer when ready.
Is there a “you”, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Garsius: Nope, there is no “me” at all.
Ilona: Explain in detail what the self is and how it works.
Garsius: I don’t know how it works. Somehow “I” is connected to every thought that comes. That is how “I am that, I am this, I feel this, I don’t feel that” is here. Somehow there is a belief about that—that you are this every statement “I am…”.
Like you are inside thought. You are content of that thought and acting with no questioning. If a question arises, it becomes an “I” immediately. So that, Ilona, the nonsense of self goes on forever.
Ilona: How does it feel to be liberated?
Garsius: It’s just perceiving all happening, looking at the “I” thought without being touched by it. Actually, you are not touched by anything. There is no “you”. Nothing. Everything. But not “I”. Even “I” is in that everything.
Ilona: How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about “no you”?
Garsius: Spontaneously.
There is no “you”. Look and see that there is the body, thoughts, feelings etc., same as other things around in the world. Perception of those things happens,but there is no perceiver. The “I” thought is everywhere, but it is not you. Try and find that out yourself.Anything you can identify yourself with while trying will be false. You can’t be the thing you’re looking at. Look and take off layer after layer of that false “I” until nothing is left of “you”.
Ilona: Brilliant!
The last bit: is there any doubt at all?
Garsius: Nope, there is no doubt. “I” can return, but it is always clear that it is not me.
Ilona: Perfect. Can you tell me what pushed you over? What was most instrumental, what made you actually look? Can you look back and see if you can pinpoint that shift?
Garsius: Cannot say. Maybe that will come later. You and Elena just chopped, chopped and chopped. And somehow, at some point some resistance fall apart and nothing was left… Hah, now tears come. Much Love here.
This morning, when I opened my eyes, there was full clarity. Later I slipped and again did not understand what and how. (There was understanding, but also a thought that I don’t understand anything.)
There was nothing left to identify with, not even with emptiness. After this apathy started, like “oh well, it does not matter” and later something gave up. There was nowhere to retreat. Seeing happened.
Thank you.

The tale of the snail that did not fail ( follow the trail)

 Looking out through the veranda-door this morning – something was shining so brightly out there, placed on of the boards of my veranda.

How did it get there? what was it? I went out: a little translucent snail.

I followed my first impulse (from fear:) flip it down at once! I will not be barraged from snails!

Having done that, I immediately regretted it. That little one had used tremendous of energy and  clear direction and climbing and climbing – i n all directions: vertical, then horizontal, glueing itself to the bottom of a plank, (snailhead down) than upwards again.

I went downstairs and found it, and brought it up with me again.

Sweet, yes?

I went down again wih my cellphonecamera, watching the front of the house. How did the snail of strong direction do it?








It was on the fourth plank from below.

I started thinking – how I do that, as a nasty habit of fear: I climb and climb through 67 years, in all kind of directions, and when I at last have found a sweet platform to rest on and enjoy the view, I flip myself down again and tell myself fear-stories.






I f you look at the first photo, you’ll see how far up it has climbed  – about  20 feet –

This gentle light

As the usual strong tensions around the eyes start playing up in the night, a thought arises: “What is behind this? What does it defend against?”

A vast sea of Light.

There is a surrender to it, a relaxing into it. The “protection” is seen through: just a wisp of illusion. How powerful is the Son of God’s belief: when the “defence” was seen as necessary, it seemed to block out the truth.

Here is truth now.

I can’t stop saying “you are so beautiful. I love you.”

Long silence.The Light is gently penetrating into my cells. Muscles are twitching,tears are flowing. Deep yawning and releases as the light moves into the tissue of the sinus, the mouth, the teeth even. I am being healed. Who is being healed? Healing happens. Body accepts and surrenders to Truth. A feeling of unquestionable safety arises.

The Love is seen as a streaming life-force, penetrating into old and hidden chambers, windows open, century-old dust blows out. Strange dark creatures crouching in the corners rises, bow and become air. Everything melts. This old hymn from the 16th century hymn sings in my mind:


The time for flowers arrives
with great joy and rapture
the dear,light summer
when grass and yield grows

Now the arms of the sun touches
everything that before was dead.
the gentle rays warms
and everything is born anew

You dear Lord Christ
you sun with clearest shine
let the heart-ice break
and melt in our mind!

A voice: Christ is arising


“I” am being taken over. Thank God! Light is allowed to stream everywhere now – some places hurt – it is a good hurt: the frozen areas are thawing, the buds are opening after centuries of winter.

“The Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of your wrong-minded decisions if you let Him.” Could this be what is happening?  Allowing what is not-true to melt. Hearing the thoughts, not taking them for my own. Letting them come, letting them go.

The Light is gently penetrating places I have insisted of being a me: “me” meaning something/someone who needs protection from a “you.” Feelings of simplicity,ordinariness.No drama here.No fear of death – death is seen as impossible.Just a strange thought in the mind. A strong sense of irritation arises, is recognized as just another neutral thought, and allowed to be.

The release flows so sweetly.Nothing to defend.

My left hand is starting to dance, slowly, delicately.Just looking at the exquisite movements, the mind goes blank. Existence is dancing.

“And then my heart with rapture fills

and dances with the daffodils”

I am being thunk:-)

An image comes forth: the face of Cherubino, confessing his Love to the Contessa in ‘Figaro’s Wedding by Mozart. Look at his face – this fear of love surrendering to love – and look at the Contessa’s expression, receiving it.

I have thought that this scene is THE most beautiful expression of surrendering to Love.

Now it is seen that this confession of love is being expressed everywhere  by everything NOW

The dreamed-up me’s

Warning: graphic descriptions of violence

 Only the imaginary self can be hurt, by imaginary hurts

I asked Blue yesterday what was behind all that fear in the body. I dreamt about an evil witch, living on a farm. She pretended to be a wise healer, the epitome of wisdom, but I immediately recognized the witch-energy and knew she was after my soul. – I sneaked into her buildings and found a huge concrete-room. The souls were stored in small niches – some were small children whose power she fed herself on.

When I wake up, I sense this “evil” energy that I grew up with ,filling my energy field, and I am being  reminded of a  true story I read yesterday in the newspaper. It presented a young North Korean, born in a Prison labour camp by parents who were “given to each other”to produce children/slave-workers.

By a miracle’ this guy managed to fly: He fled with a another guy who broke through the electric fence first and absorbed the electricity, and this guy succeeded in getting through it unharmed.

Now he was interviewed and the interview was filled with his own illustrations.The prisoners were always starving, and everyone – including family – spied on all others. This guy told on his mother and brother – he found his mother cooking an extra portion rice to his brother, and was wild by jealousy. His mother was hanged in front of him, his brother was shot. He heard that this was fair and believed it.

Small offenses were rewarded with death: a small girl stole 5 corn grains and was whipped to death. He himself was stripped naked and hung over fire until his skin took fire. He was six then.

Now he lives in South Korea and tries to survive.


This is also a story in the mind of the ego which comes into existence when we believe that separation really happened – and that we exists as separate “me”s. “Me” separate from “you, “me” separate from my spirit and Being. We deep down believe these atrocious things happen  because we are sinful and guilty.

I see now the connection between the story I read yesterday and the “witch” dream: being tortured in a prison camp by evil, and the fear of being tortured by the evil witch with her prison of souls. The effect of false beliefs are the same: both the “witch” and the prison-guards have closed off their hearts and connection to Love, and perceive their only way of living a life without torture is to subject others to it – taking the power-roles. Beneath their acts sits terror, repressed and denied – and repressed terror and hurt is a most favorable milieu for terrorists.

And all of this is, as the Course sees it, one of the consequences of believing in the tiny mad idea of separation.

My mind- which is really the One Mind -spins out endless variations of this theme, which the readers of this blog  the last year will have noticed.

Holy Spirit, I allow you to take this perception away from me and correct it.

Right now I am being with the sensations of evil with Jesus. Again I am reminded of a dream some 20 years ago: I was in hell, witnessing abominable atrocities. In that moment, I remembered that a couple of days earlier, I had had a sacred experience of holding the Christ Child in my arms – it was vivid an lifelike. Now, within the dream, I prayed to see with His eyes – and all the horror melted.

I pray that Christ’s true perception stays with me always, so that whenever these fields may present themselves, I will instantly remember that behind the mask of evil is a huge cry for love and safety – and re-connection with the Heart we all share. That witch is just as much “me” as the Leelah-me – just at different places  within the predator/victim-scale. And both dreamed up and believed in.

There is no me

Are you a tail wagged by the dog?

Depressed = deep rest

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: