More LU process

Nice, thank you Leelah. Yes, seeing is just the beginning to a new way of being. There will be challenges and stickiness, but any time you look, it’s clear- there is no me.Can you look at childhood memory and tell me, was there a me in that image? Were there others?
Then look at a image of future- a year from now, and see if there is a me in there?

Also, what is here, that needs to heal? Examine this closely.

And last question- how decisions happen? Is there a decider, decision maker?

Much love.
*
Also, what is here, that needs to heal? Examine this closely.

I will deal with this first.
Looking, there are memories,sensations,thoughts,HABITS of reacting from the old child-me-victim identity. Is there a me in those images and stories? There are images of this baby and girl in pain and numbness/dissociated. The felt sense of me in the baby and toddler is tremendous – Am I a felt sense? No.But the presence of the felt sense is believed to point to the reality of the me that HAS these feelings. why would these cramps/pains/fears/sensation of being dominated still be here? it asks.
Ilona, this is the very center from where delusions have spun. While I on the one hand have seen so clearly that there is no me – it still feels and seems that this “part” of me has experienced no insights at all: “she” is convinced it happened to her.

Yesterday I had a dream where I looked at a photo someone had taken of me. There were 2 me’s there – superimposed – two me-forms. One large, one smaller. They were blurred and mixing into each other. Before I went to sleep I set an intention to look closer at the reason the me seems so real.

Was there ever a me?
There were physical acts, threats, scarying,violence, lies told, stories told about “me”. This was believed as true – so one believed oneself to be this horrible one who deserved this, and the one who had all the conflicted feelings and thoughts and emotions. There are also memories of dark beings present – seeming very powerful and threatening, presenting themselves as protectors. This has been seen through – and still, when looking into it, it seems that one of them still is present, using “my” energy.

It is completely possible that all of the lies and images and pains and beliefs did not happen to a me at all – and that is such a comforting thought. But when I look honestly, I still see “me” and “others”.

It is also true that when I look into “their” souls,/energyfields, I find terror and repressed stuff there too,and the need to see it on someone outside of themselves.In other words, I find innocence. I see an urge to be free of inner stress and tensions, and afflicting/projecting violence on a child is one way of making it seem that the pain and fear exists outside of one self.
I see that doing violent acts comes from a belief that one is separate, a self that is unjustly treated – without this belief it seems that there would be no violence at all. People who are violent act out of identity with hurt selves -when animals are seen to be violent, they are of course not – there is no malice involved in their killing.

So what I see is images/BELIEFS/ of violent and “innocent” selves crashing – and there’s no-one there doing anything to anybody in reality. It’s like a movie.The other part of “Leelah” has no idea what that means, and feels betrayed and all of that chalabang. It also tells me that I am just trying to write the correct things, and that I am just pretending in order to get through the gate. Good ol ego

So this is what I mean with the feeling of one part of me being locked into identification with the victim-me. The one who is writing this sees that it is a story.

Can you look at childhood memory and tell me, was there a me in that image? Were there others?

Hope I covered that in the above.

Then look at a image of future- a year from now, and see if there is a me in there?

Looking into one year from now:
I see a smile at the non-seriousness of it all. “ME” will visit, but is seen as a construct, not believable, and there is gratitude when looking back at the struggle that seemed to go on in this one.
The other part feels hatred when I write this – and it is accepted without any need to change it or fix it.

And last question- how decisions happen?

Is there a decider, decision maker?

Seeing that the separated self can NEVER take decisions was my first clear looking that “worked” for me. Same with control -nobody is in control. I can think that I will plan something and prepare that plan and follow it meticulously and maybe the result will be as “I” planned it to be. But that does not mean that “I” decided and controlled – just that it happened that way, and the I grabbed it and told itself ( and maybe others) that IT had done it.

Yes, and let me tell you that ego wants SOO much to be allowed to go through the Gate, it will make it special and different and more and all that. Ha. If that had been the case, I would have been enlightened thousands of years ago. So thank you for helping me to see that ego grabbed that first question “was it ever?” and just ignored it and hid it.

I still think that there is something that needs to be corrected / seen as absolutely false about the old me-identity in order to be liberated. The old story is still taken personally. Not meaning-wise so much – but certainly energy wise, with all its cramps and sleeplessness and insane thoughts and chaos.
Who would I be without it?
Free.Grateful.Ordinary. Not locked into beliefs.
And the other me says, ”and what about me? Are you going to abandon me now as the others did?”
And there is still an irritation connected to that.
Much love!
Leelah

More questions

thank you, Leelah, for answers.

there are couple of places that you could clarify:
“there is much murkiness and heaviness rising to surface. I have learned to thank it and allow it to leave.”….
Question: Who/What /Where is the “I” that thanks and gives permission to leave?

Thank you for helping me see this: the I is a thought in the mind that placed itself on top of noticing/experiencing a sensation that was given the label murkiness. The I grabbed it and told itself that it didn’t like it, it was wrong,,it should not be there, it was scary, unknownish. Then there was an impulse to not take it seriously and just allow it to release. This impulse did not come from “me” – it just happened.

“It certainly often draws me back inside the familiar me-package” What is the ‘me’ that is drawn inside the ‘me-package’?. is there a me to draw in?

how would you answer these questions?


It feels liberating to bring this up – there seems to be a bunch of beliefs held on to by a strongly dissociated part. When I look at this, I see something like a confined space/enclosing capsule with a baby/toddler inside it. Tremendous anger,grief and fear is seen inside that space, and an identification with it is sensed. I recognize years and years where this bunch of torture was believed to be who I am – the feeling is so very known. There is a clear knowing that it is NOT me – me is the label put on top of all those terror-feelings. And what we think is “me” we protect. So as I see through this, and it is all recognized to be thoughts,sensations,images,memories and feelings which adds up to a felt-sense-me-in-danger – but not REAL – there is a relaxing. This is a healing process, and it is experienced that me-grabbing/adding is not so frequent any more.

I read your “deep looking-session” on your website, and have used this way of inquiry frequently to relate to this kind of blocks/repressions. When it is just welcomed and allowed to be, much tensions release and then there comes feelings of tenderness and love, realizing that what before was seen as dangerous are just gestalts,thought-forms that are in themselves neutral when they are not judged. And they are happening to no-one.
The “me” that seems to still hook “me” is often simply not seen through – but given a little time, the me is recognized and the seriousness slides off.
Maybe this process needs long time – there is no knowing for sure. But there is also willingness to allow stuff to be where it is.

Love
Leelah

The final questions on LU

Answer when ready in full.
1) Is there a ‘me’, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there isn’t. There is no need for a me to live this life. How liberating is that knowing!
What I find is sensations that are connected to the sense of self. I find images. And the me-label comes on top of that, like a grabber. That’s the play of it – and in reality, it can never be. It certainly often draws me back”inside” the familiar me-package – and then, after a while, there is a realization:” oh there I go again – smiles – and there is a rush of energy freed up and a yawn of release: although there exist all kinds of stories about me, stories is all there is.

2) In the experience, is there an experiencer? Is it body that experiences or body is the experienced?
.
I remember 40 years ago doing shamanic work, and experienced how it was to go into non-human life-forms. Remember the excitement of it now. I always saw it as the me having all these exciting experiences.That made “me” very “real” and special. Now I have seen that there is just experiencing – verb -and that experiences are different from a leaf of grass and from a sheep. Nobody HAS the experiences .Experiences happen to no one. “leaf of grass” and “sheep” are also labels, given by humans and their labeling-practice.
It is a great and wonderful experience each time I remember that the world is NOT centered around a ME.

3) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

I see a tiny baby, exploring body and sensations, movement, experiences, consequences when growing older – conditioning and NO!s and YES!, and I see baby learning to adapt to expectations very fast, learning which behavior attracts love and soft voices and smiles and what creates anger, furred brows, scary faces, violent acts. And on top of this it learns that it is a name – this name belongs to it and makes it different from others, say siblings or the cat. As it grows, it learns to adapt to expectations and hears that it is good or bad – and both is strengthening the belief that it is a someone, a doer, who can do right or wrong things. I see that all the feelings in baby/child as it grows and learns the rules for surviving strengthens the sense of I /specialness/separation – and also its parents and surroundings’ praise or blame/anger/disappointment seems always to be directed to the I/name – so it must be real! I see there is NO openings for doubt in this indoctrination. It is never questioned from authorities that the I is a construct – until we start to study psychology, and learn the basics for constructing a me – but still, nobody tells us that we really don’t exist at all as a separate person – and that this is not OUR body.

Much of this has to do with language of course – of mutual consent of what is real and what is not.

4) How does it feel to see this?
That changes often! Feelings of deep release, simplicity,joy – or right now, where I seem to be caught in a state of dense headache and tiredness, and just accepting it – knowing that it also just an experience, and it can be welcomed or resisted. Sometimes it feels like remembering Home, whatever that may be – like a curtain/veil being removed, and reality exists and is seen as everpresent/everhappening

5)How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

First I would tell them that they could get the best info on Liberation Unleashed – and if they insisted, I would say something like:
I have found that “my” separated self is a fiction.( I would have called it separated self, because so many of us my age has been searching for decades, and many have had experiences of Self /Atman/amness/being, and would not have listened at all if I told them self does not exist.)I would say” I have been guided in a marvelous method and helped to see that dropping the belief that I am this self, life is vastly richer, colorful and peaceful.
And then I would have met them with questions: if they said:”that seems scary to me”, I could ask questions – like “can you find this me somewhere?” If they said yes and pointed to their chest or head, I could ask them to describe the sense of me in the body – and have them check if they are those sensations? And so on.
And noticing the labeling-process could be good and also have them look at how life would be without that me-label – just for a minute – that was a really powerful one for me.

6) a)What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Nov 25th, after you (Ilona)asked me to look at an inner voice and check if it was TRUE. I did see that the voice came from denying truth, something inside reacted with wild anger, I felt afraid – and then that was OK too.
So this last night was filled with a feeling of melting, gentleness, cradling, care, no-time. It felt like “my” whole world shifted – and still it was very subtle. At one point something happened in my brain -and a thought came: “before / after. “Quite a shift. It has brought a slight dizziness today.
Today Nov.27th, there is much murkiness and heaviness rising to surface. I have learned to thank it and allow it to leave.
People’s smiles to me these days are heavenly
Today Nov.28th there is much energy being processed, but also a deep trust in the process – and the process of looking/investigating comes more often than before, and is really enjoyed.

7)Can you describe the moment when seeing happened?

There are many of them. Here are some:

The first came when we (Ilona and I)worked together on August 30th – I think it was our first day – you told me that I was a label and invited me to look for myself – and there was a complete turnaround of my world: of course the I was just a label. The me was like a paperdoll, a puppet, something unanimated. Suddenly all doubt was gone: The I is just a label and a thought .I am not a label. A label is NOT real. This is crystal clear. What would I lose if that was gone – meaning my belief that those I- thoughts were important?
Nothing at all. There would be no more drama.There would be clear perception. The world looked completely different in this view – my life looked different. I would be lived. What was needed to be done would be done. No doer. No shoulder and oughter! I rested peacefully and joyfully in this clear perception until I fell asleep – and when I woke up, the old view of a me was back with a vengeance.

Then there was a moment in the first night after the first day on the forum/thread with Chris7 where I had a dream:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1466 October 5th

The dream was pretty much showing how the process was going to be, and helped me trust it and commit to it.

A recent one is 14 days ago, Skyping with Kit from LU – Suddenly a deep and fully resounding laughing happened , and I was so aware that it was not “me” who laughed. There was a seeing that there was someone wise and loving laughing – like an angel – and then that was recognized as a someone/separation too. When the laughing happened, I was looking out on a field from my window -“I” was mesmerized in joy, looking at shadows and colors and skies – it was SO alive and interesting ( don’t find good words in English.)

The last I will mention was reading CosmiK’s suggestion (I think it was him): When you look at that which is looking, what is there?
And there was just this sinking sinking sinking into a vast space – nobody there for sure – and I don’t know if it is called awareness or what it is, but it is neutral and completely devoid of identities and separation

8) anything to add?
Quote:I rested peacefully and joyfully in this clear perception until I fell asleep – and when I woke up, the old view of a me was back with a vengeance.

Chris7 asked me 2-3-times if I was ready for the final questions. I said yes – and then the ego jumped in and drove me into terror, anxiety, depression or paralysis. Each time I was able to have presence enough to be with it and allow it to express itself, and it moved. And each time after I saw that it was all part of a process of allowing old beliefs to surface and seeing through them. It also helped that Ilona corrected my belief that after awakening all would be peaches once and for all – how soothing to know that all that is needed, is saying yes, or witnessing what happens when saying no/resisting. Writing this, there is a sense of clarity coming on, from 40 hours inside murkiness. I notice a strong sense of me inside that murkiness – but I do not believe in a separate me any longer. So not a problem.

I am grateful for Ilona’s start with me – and when my resistance became too heavy,then Chris7’s gentle and patient guidance did wonders – until his internet-connection became too bad to go on – and so I asked Ilona to do the last part with me. Its like a symphony with a strong first movement, the usual mellow 2 movement, and a dance into the 3 movement where light and dark can co-exist and dance until a harmonious climax has been reached.

Thank you from all of my heart
Leelah

Leaving the womb – etering life fully

Photo taken by me from Eleanor Coppola’s exhibition “Circle of Memories”

Today, this blog changes its name for the 3. time, reflecting the stages in my awakening process. It started with “Little sister in hiding” , then, as my courage and willingness to be open and present grew, I discovered that I was no longer in hiding, and the title changed to “Dreams and awakening” –

and now, this night and morning, there is a clear felt shift: an inner commitment was taken to go all the way and allow this last step  (for now :-)to be taken.

Since dear Chris, my guide at LU,has had some difficulties with the internet lately, I asked Ilona – whom I started this guiding with – to take over as my guide. I did that pr mail, and I have placed it here below.
Ilona:  What do you expect that seeing no self will fix for you?
Leelah: the moments I see no-self are clear – fearfree – joyful  – peaceful – strong feelings of aliveness – simplicity – all that is needed is being where I seem to be, aware.  Thoughts come, they don’t stick Pains come, they do not stick. Gratefulness abounds. So seeing no-self as a constant – not vacillating – will just allow me to see what is real on a   much more permanent basis – and allow me to rest there for longer periods.
Ilona: Yes, this sounds that seeing happened and the line was crossed.
You seem to have some expectations that cloud the clarity. As if seeing it once would change your life and that there is a permanent basis. Nothing is permanent. Everything is a constant flux. To see no self constantly you would need to keep looking constantly till mind recognises this as unshakable truth and stops checking. Seeing is available any moment. Yet it does not mean that you will not get sucked in to the story and identify with character. This is also part of what is.  It’s not bad or wrong. It just is. And saying no to that, creates a whole lot of tension and resistance.
Freedom is not from experiences. Freedom is within experiences as seeing and recognising that THIS is all there is.  Stories can be enjoyed. When they are not taken personally. And if they are, that too is ok.
Everything that is happening is ok. And it can be welcomed. It does not mean that there is no more work to do.
Can you confirm, that it’s clear that self/ I/ me/ Leelah is an illusion?
Much love.
Leelah:Without doubt I have seen through it many times – AND still there comes periods where the voice who says ” the self that I feel IS the me. I could not feel it as strongly if it weren’t there.” I get what you are saying that accepting what is what makes peace. So when you present it like this, YES it has been seen through.
Ilona: Oh great.
Now if you look at that voice, what is behind it? Is this thought that arises “the self that I feel IS the me” truth?
Is there anything wrong that the feeling arises? Should it not? What is true- the label or the feeling? And if the feeling is not labeled ‘self’ can it be seen just as raw sensation of energy?
Leelah: It is seen as not truth. That took a while. I felt at first anxious, then calm.Just asked for truth to be known and seen. Then there was a calm knowing that the voice came from lies/ego. The moment I saw that, there was an intense angry reaction – maybe from something that was seen through – and first I felt scared, and then it was OK too.
Ilona: Is there anything wrong that the feeling arises?
Leelah :Nothing at all.
Ilona:Should it not?
Leelah:Yes – because it does arise
Ilona: What is true- the label or the feeling?
Leelah: The feeling. The raw energy just IS. The label is the interpretation that is put on it
Ilona:And if the feeling is not labeled ‘self’ can it be seen just as raw sensation of energy?
Leelah: Yes it can. And sometimes this comes quite naturally, and some times I get lost in the habit of it, and then I notice, and I either get irritated or very calmly notice “Oh there i go again. Not serious.”
Ilona: Thank you for answers Leelah. 🙂 Are you ready for the final questions?
Leelah:wow. that was fast. But yes! Now i really surprised myself 🙂
warm hug
26.11.2012
Ilona: Here they are 🙂 Answer when ready in full. 1) Is there a ‘me’, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) in the experience, is there an experiencer? Is it body that experiences or body is the experienced?
3) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
4) How does it feel to see this?
5)How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
6) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? Can you describe the moment when seeing happened?
7) anything to add?
Big hug.
*
And the answers will be posted here  –
 

Love

I went to bed about 12 pm, woke up at 2am, answered dear Chris’s question on the LU. Suddenly 4 hours was gone. I mean – yes. I was aware that 2 opposite views were fighting for supremacy inside – and writing kept me somehow anchored in this moment. The “me” and “I” was – and still is – seen as a construct, a ball of conditioning, memories,habits, emotions, opinions, likes and dislikes – and specialness.

Yesterday an electrician told me that the oven in my healing room/workingout-room was dangerous, so I had to turn it off. While waiting for the new safe oven down there, I took my mattress and started my Pilates at 6 :30 upstairs.

It felt magical. Candles and Frankincense – the real raisin-thing – soft classical music. All was peace. And in this workout an idea came to cup each chakra tenderly and tell them all is well – and to invite them to ask a question. They did, and were answered by a Voice who knew nothing about me’s and separation at all

Afterwards, I was just sitting on the mat and looked at the floor – it was dimly lightened by the morning light, so beautiful. Shadows were little wonders, there was full awareness of senses and mind, all allowed, all projections of the One mind, stories witnessed and released, nothing being personal but full awareness and gratitude for being alive

No experiencer

This  is reblogged with consent from CosmIK

*

The most important catalyst for triggering Awakening to no-self is to investigate our Direct Experience. Direct Experience is what is noticed, here and now.
We can skilfully divide d.E., for the purposes of investigation, in to 3 main aspects:

1) thought
2) sensations
seeing
hearing
smelling
tasting
feeling [tactile + kinesthetic)
3) an unmistakable sense of Aliveness
(presence, being)

The illusion of separation is maintained by a stream of self referencing thoughts that are based on past conditioning. The most common reference point is a thought-created center referred to as “I” / “me” / “self”. There is no such center, and those self-labels refer only to other thoughts, or to some aspect of Experience.

By referring to d.E., one is able to deconstruct any assumptions of separation or self, and see that there is just an Experience. There may be thoughts about Experience that conceptually divide certain aspects of Experience into a “me” and other aspects into “the outside world”, yet those thoughts are also just a part of Experience, and as such there is ONLY Experience.

There is an assumption that there is an experience-er that experiences. This is propagated by a belief, as expressed by a thought such as “I experience”. We investigate this in d.E. by looking for this “I”. Is there a separate “I”, or is there just an Experience that thought conceptually divides as such: “I” + “what is experienced”?

There is an assumption that there is a perceive-er that perceives. This is propagated by a belief, as expressed by a thought such as “I am the perceiver”. We investigate this in d.E. by looking for this perceiver. We can see that there is no such thing as a perceiver, just a perception and thought dividing it in to an “I” + “body” + “perception through the senses”.

A sound is heard, then there is a thought “I hear a sound”. We can investigate and see that there is no hearer of sounds, just sound. If there is something felt and assumed to be the hearer, or self, is it anything more than some other sensations? or that sense of Aliveness? or another thought?

“I feel my body against the chair” a thought says. So, we investigate d.E. and see that there are sensations that are habitually labelled “body” and other sensations we refer to as “feeling of chair against body”. When we investigate where this “I” is that claims these sensations, it cannot be found, as there is either another self-referencing thought, some sensations or another aspect of Experience.

We can pick up an object, and look at it. We might say “I am looking at the object”. We then test this conclusion to see if it correlates with d.E., and what we find is that there is a sensation of seeing, and maybe some sensations that we usually label ‘head’ or ‘eyes’, or even other feeling-sensations labelled “body”. A thought may arise with the conclusion that these are inherently separate, and that one is “self” and the other is “what is observed”. When we test this out we see that there is never an “I” looking, never a watcher, never a seer. There is only seeing, only feeling, only Experiencing. We can say that it is simply Experience experiencing itself.

We look deeply in to Experience, and see that the assumptions of separation, self, “I”, perceive-er or an experience-er are just references to Experience. There is never an actual separate object, just the perception of such, and thoughts labeling it. We deconstruct all these assumptions of there being a watcher, or a looker, or a hearer, and find that there is only Experience, never an actual separate self.

Is it possible there is just Experience, with no separate experience-er?

All is lessons

This moment is such a sweet release from a tough night where I seem to be obsessed  and controlled with “you shall” and “you must” thoughts.

Then I go to beloved Myron’s group – and she reminds us to find the thought that leads to the belief that creates this agony.

Instantly I remember a very very unpleasant forgiveness-lesson this morning.

I had ordered a health-care product from a web-firm – and they had sent the package to a post office 3 hours away, instead of the closest which is 20 minutes away. I pointed  out in  2 mails that that was not reasonable – and this morning I was called up and told to pay 20 pounds in “punishment” for not having picked up the parcel.

I tried the polite way of reasoning for a while – the  heard myself saying “I will never never never never never pay that fee. This error is on your side.”

Immediately – so strange – she shifts and becomes friendly and polite: “Then you shall not have to. We will note that you from now on shall use x postoffice.”

And that was that!

Then – directly after – I open my mail, and the Library tells me that I am overdue with 2 DVDs and HAVE TO deliver them at once. I mail them back and tell me that since our library next to me is under repair, this means that I have to travel 1 hour, and that I will wait one week until I am close to that library – and that I of course will pay the fee.

The willingness to pay is completely different form the first example – the energy is clear. But after reading Myron’s blog I know that I have to find that thought behind this “You MUST” – thoughts going on – and I see it:

“I am guilty and have sinned and I must pay the consequences.”

Finding the thought, seeing that it is an error in perception, makes it easy to give it over to H.S and ask him to correct it for me. The calm and peace is instantaeous.

Again it is seen how every unpleasantness is just a help to see and find these old outdated thoughts.

And I laugh when I realize how, when I very clearly stated that I did not intend to pay – because i did not see myself as guilty, or responsible for the error – she instantly changed her mind.

Cramps – healing

In the night, a toe is bending over its neighbor, strong cramp-pain. To this pain, an automatic response: I love you I love you I love you! I bend forward, holding the toe – and recognizing that there was just a choice for love and not going into frenzy.

It abates.Whatever caused that cramp, received the love and responded with relaxation. It happens without being labeled, or having to figure out what caused it and have it fixed. Love was called for and answered.

Two well-known pain-containers in the body – the place of attachment of the legs to the torso, and the neck – are filled up with   heavy pain. I am filled with gratefulness for the process – I know this is pain leaving. The “me” is insisting: “I did this. I healed this. I am so proud and special!” Witnessing the voice and smiling. There is a distinction between controlling the process and pain by “understanding” it -and  just noticing, being aware of a healing process. Allowing.Allowing.Allowing. With the allowing comes gratefulness – for being part of a movement of healing…of something so old – so held – in the mind – and so judged – now let out of prison –

and now, a wave of sick fear, a belief: “Ohmygod I am setting the devil free” -waves of sickness…and the knowing that this is Grace and not devil:  devil-cast is made to look like that by judgment

Now: images of hanged bodies…allowing them to pass through, forgiving the images … effortless gratefulness for choices to explore archetypes in this life…the image of The Hanged Man, one of the Great Arcana of the Tarot: he hangs also – but with the head down, and his one foot touching the other knee’s inside – just as my position  in bed  has been the last year…new thoughts about specialness and pride –

new image: a skeleton crouching underground in the cold winter – standing above him, a poor couple of peasants- for me, this drawing by Th.Kittelsen is a symbol of spiritual poverty and fear –

I am being with this intense cold pain that seems to fill out the whole of my physical body – and it just feels like a gift of Grace to welcome it and allow it to leave. Nothing to fix – nothing to do  – just be – and now, a barrage of shoulds and oughttos  – just thoughts connected to this archetype flowing through the mind

Blessings…and the knowing that all this happens to no-one – that makes all the difference –

the belief in the value of repressing and denying our connection to Love is allowed to be seen as just a thought of no value –

simplicity

forgiveness of old cherished beliefs as part of the me-structure –

“When I lay myself to rest

14 angels stand around me

2  smiling by my left side

2 at my right side

2 guarding at my pillow

2 at my feet

2 cover me

2 wake me up

and one shows me all the paradises  of Heaven*

a strong AMEN reverberates through me

this is done

*

*Freely translated from H.Wergeland

Commentators

Today there is a clear insight that “I” am not doing anything. Things happen by themselves. There is a running commentary in my head, but that is just that – a commentary from somebody thinking they are separate.

The commentator can not be real. So all is going on is my commentator argumenting/talking to your commentator – a complete unreal communication.

And now I start to realize what the Course says: “Only Love is real.” So often I meet “somebody” and feel an instant “recognition” a loving connection, a smile that makes me remember Home. Everything else is dreamed up
very enjoyable, this – 🙂

Cul de sac

I just had a Skype-sharing with a friend at Liberation Unleashed.She helped me see that the questions my guide has given me are used by the “me”-structure as means for feeling better – because it has not the faintest idea that what it is looking for, is available always. Right here. So questions are good – what has not been good is that I have believed in the should/ought-to/have-to-insistings of the “saving-voice”/storyteller/commentator/. In other words: strong pressure/force/stress.

It is now seen as a cul de sac.

Right now I am reminded of this poem by Portia Nelson ( I am not permitted to quote it here – but you may remember the person walking down the street and falling into a hole. He does it again the next day – and it is not his fault…it happens again 4 more times, until he gradually chooses to  walk another street)

So . I hear this shoulda-must commentator/storyteller: it is seen as the me-structure/”identity”speaking loudly – and I walk down another street.

This moment – and maybe forever – I see that I DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE IT ANY LONGER TO BE SAVED FROM DEATH. It is also seen how this has been an integral part of the I-identity/label, as a saving-voice – and that in the years 0-18 it probably helped me survive.

What is fun to see is that intuition/being has good hints to me all the time – and then the I-structure quick as lightening jumps on top of it and adds shoulds and musts and has to’s and NOW!!!!or else all hope is out – or else you are moron – but what I also see, is that it does only what it has learned to do by humanity: FEAR does it. FEAR will make you understand and learn.

It is seen as a wrong street to take, and nothing more.

In the process of seeing how the I threw itself on top of a perfectly sane and wise suggestion, big laughter came.

And how sweet to see that “I” did not laugh.

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: