Cramps – healing

In the night, a toe is bending over its neighbor, strong cramp-pain. To this pain, an automatic response: I love you I love you I love you! I bend forward, holding the toe – and recognizing that there was just a choice for love and not going into frenzy.

It abates.Whatever caused that cramp, received the love and responded with relaxation. It happens without being labeled, or having to figure out what caused it and have it fixed. Love was called for and answered.

Two well-known pain-containers in the body – the place of attachment of the legs to the torso, and the neck – are filled up with   heavy pain. I am filled with gratefulness for the process – I know this is pain leaving. The “me” is insisting: “I did this. I healed this. I am so proud and special!” Witnessing the voice and smiling. There is a distinction between controlling the process and pain by “understanding” it -and  just noticing, being aware of a healing process. Allowing.Allowing.Allowing. With the allowing comes gratefulness – for being part of a movement of healing…of something so old – so held – in the mind – and so judged – now let out of prison –

and now, a wave of sick fear, a belief: “Ohmygod I am setting the devil free” -waves of sickness…and the knowing that this is Grace and not devil:  devil-cast is made to look like that by judgment

Now: images of hanged bodies…allowing them to pass through, forgiving the images … effortless gratefulness for choices to explore archetypes in this life…the image of The Hanged Man, one of the Great Arcana of the Tarot: he hangs also – but with the head down, and his one foot touching the other knee’s inside – just as my position  in bed  has been the last year…new thoughts about specialness and pride –

new image: a skeleton crouching underground in the cold winter – standing above him, a poor couple of peasants- for me, this drawing by Th.Kittelsen is a symbol of spiritual poverty and fear –

I am being with this intense cold pain that seems to fill out the whole of my physical body – and it just feels like a gift of Grace to welcome it and allow it to leave. Nothing to fix – nothing to do  – just be – and now, a barrage of shoulds and oughttos  – just thoughts connected to this archetype flowing through the mind

Blessings…and the knowing that all this happens to no-one – that makes all the difference –

the belief in the value of repressing and denying our connection to Love is allowed to be seen as just a thought of no value –


forgiveness of old cherished beliefs as part of the me-structure –

“When I lay myself to rest

14 angels stand around me

2  smiling by my left side

2 at my right side

2 guarding at my pillow

2 at my feet

2 cover me

2 wake me up

and one shows me all the paradises  of Heaven*

a strong AMEN reverberates through me

this is done


*Freely translated from H.Wergeland

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jacalyn
    Nov 18, 2012 @ 19:55:39

    Yea! What wonderful progress you are making!
    I love this…”caused by the value of repressing and denying Love”.
    I have come to see that in addition to my having an ongoing self-attack inner voice, I also have elicited many others to attack me, to prove that I am right. How bizarre!


  2. leelotchka44
    Nov 18, 2012 @ 20:58:30

    Trust the ego to mis-quote 🙂 this is what I wrote:
    “the belief in the value of repressing and denying our connection to Love is allowed to be seen as just a thought of no value -”
    And Jacalyn – the ones of us who this life have experienced lots of attacks, will always perpetuate the pattern subconsciously – we tell ourself that this is our identity, and so of course we protect it as “true” – and for me, it is important to own that pain lodged in the body as part of embodying our healing. Stacy Sully demonstrates this in the workshops held by Nouk,Carrie and herself –
    And then.spiritually, we can easier accept our choice for self-attack.
    But don’t throw the baby out with the water:-)


  3. anil
    Nov 19, 2012 @ 00:58:40

    Nina – loved reading this entry. Experienced those images flowing through you (and in a way, me) and the relief that emerges as I kept reading…thanks for this blog (:


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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