More questions

thank you, Leelah, for answers.

there are couple of places that you could clarify:
“there is much murkiness and heaviness rising to surface. I have learned to thank it and allow it to leave.”….
Question: Who/What /Where is the “I” that thanks and gives permission to leave?

Thank you for helping me see this: the I is a thought in the mind that placed itself on top of noticing/experiencing a sensation that was given the label murkiness. The I grabbed it and told itself that it didn’t like it, it was wrong,,it should not be there, it was scary, unknownish. Then there was an impulse to not take it seriously and just allow it to release. This impulse did not come from “me” – it just happened.

“It certainly often draws me back inside the familiar me-package” What is the ‘me’ that is drawn inside the ‘me-package’?. is there a me to draw in?

how would you answer these questions?

It feels liberating to bring this up – there seems to be a bunch of beliefs held on to by a strongly dissociated part. When I look at this, I see something like a confined space/enclosing capsule with a baby/toddler inside it. Tremendous anger,grief and fear is seen inside that space, and an identification with it is sensed. I recognize years and years where this bunch of torture was believed to be who I am – the feeling is so very known. There is a clear knowing that it is NOT me – me is the label put on top of all those terror-feelings. And what we think is “me” we protect. So as I see through this, and it is all recognized to be thoughts,sensations,images,memories and feelings which adds up to a felt-sense-me-in-danger – but not REAL – there is a relaxing. This is a healing process, and it is experienced that me-grabbing/adding is not so frequent any more.

I read your “deep looking-session” on your website, and have used this way of inquiry frequently to relate to this kind of blocks/repressions. When it is just welcomed and allowed to be, much tensions release and then there comes feelings of tenderness and love, realizing that what before was seen as dangerous are just gestalts,thought-forms that are in themselves neutral when they are not judged. And they are happening to no-one.
The “me” that seems to still hook “me” is often simply not seen through – but given a little time, the me is recognized and the seriousness slides off.
Maybe this process needs long time – there is no knowing for sure. But there is also willingness to allow stuff to be where it is.


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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