Ground Floor

A wondrous awakening is happening. After the nightly session on Skype with Barbara, a knowing established itself: that whatever seemed to happen in thoughts,feelings and sensations/fantasies/pain etc DOES NOT MATTER – it is a dream, it is not real, and I – True Self -is untouched.

I sense an underlying state of consciousness – or level of mind – words are not good here -where I AM with God, as One. I see and experience it NOW as NOW. Sinking into it there is deep rest – and also there is awareness of much resistance in “the upper floors.” That does not matter – whatever goes on there is like a movie, a shadow-play in Plato’s Cave.

What this does for me is removing guilt effortlessly: guilt is from this “level” now seen to belong to the identity of the shadow-players – and extra layer of guilt is placed on most thoughts of the shadow-players. But from the ground floor these thoughts are seen as meaningless – belonging to a script.

The last night was fear-free. Oh the bliss of that! I had a dream that I was surrendering my body to float in a wonderful sea – and in that moment of surrender I received a kiss! I opened my eyes, and looked at my Godfather.

Now, the ego intervened very quickly and the dream turned into a fantasy of my this-life-Godfather fancying me, which was very disconcerting – but when  I awoke, the symbolism was not lost.

Today I was blessed again: seeing the movie Monsieur Lazhar. 

Both the teacher and the class had PTSD – and now,having a “ground-floor” – experience, I saw them all acting out the shock and denial that is part of the PTSD – and it was possible to see all those feelings AND feel them – without getting identified with them. I was crying with release, and was blessed with an experience of complete and utter beauty and truth.

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. notesofashamanstudent
    Jan 15, 2013 @ 20:52:41

    Thank you so much for sharing. I have had hard nights recently; nightmares, terror, heaviness, guilt, and waking up depressed. It is mostly at night. Then, waves of peace and bliss during the day. There are realizations of how the Spirit is a Sweetness that is beyond all of good and evil. There is a gentle reminder that I am none of this burden. It seems to be a rapid expansion and contraction period. Perhaps a final birthing process with the labor intensifying. Much Love to you Beautiful Leelah


    • leelotchka44
      Jan 15, 2013 @ 21:39:25

      This is valuable information and great metaphors. Birth process – wonderful. As someone said: FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. I have been advised to ask the question: “Is this true?” to ALL bothersome thoughts. If the inner answer is no, then the disturbance comes from contracted mind, from fantasy – and then all we need to do is remember that we are created One with Spirit.
      I so enjoy your company, dear Misha


  2. Mara
    Jan 17, 2013 @ 01:30:52

    For you both, Leelah and notes…so resonate with you both, Same here with difficult nights, and peace at day…all part of conditioning falling away and knowing to feel fully all that is present. Yes, expansion and contraction..natural movement and flow. That is what we are experiencing with this see-saw, ‘in and out’, of awareness or whatever you want to call it. We feel that quality of clarity in awakening is ‘lost’, or the clarity deepens and in between this it feels lost. Of course there is nothing to ‘do’…the ‘I’ that ‘got it’ was never there, and can do nothing (it wasn’t really lost.)
    You are that awareness, and this is the grounding, you (we) start living it as spontaneous happening(s) occur. :))) Relaxation and tranquility increases spontaneously….much love, Mara (some of this said in email to you Leelah 🙂
    nice to meet you notesofashaman 🙂


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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