Time and violence

Kit and I today had one of our jewel-sharings – today about “personal” time. Here is some of what  stood out for us as helpful to recognize.

To believe  the idea:“It is not time for what want” leads to violence.  Kit used an example of feeling she needed HER time when putting her little boy to bed. He asked for water 3 times, and she noticed she was afraid that if she “gave in”, she would be eaten up – “give somebody a little finger, and he takes the whole hand.”

The belief in the need for personal time – MY time – makes the time feel very solid, dense, real, and very separating. “When I am believing this thought, I feel more separate from my children.”

The presence of violence grows.

When I believe there is not enough time, I suffer – I have to fight for this time, and that makes others separate and somebody I have to fight – while  as we allow ourselves to recognize that accepting whatever happens, shows us that THAT is our opportunity to tend to -letting life be, listening to what would benefit us both.

When life is lifeing, and we accept our child’s cry for attention, it is like accepting our inner child’s cry for attention – all that is needed is a genuine interest in meeting the other’s need:

Maybe it isn’t water you need? What are you really trying to tell me? Maybe you just need a hug before you go to sleep?

And if we do that, we may recognize that giving this time to our child is really filling our need – while if we believe the thought that somebody (me) loses, violence arises.

There is a palpable difference in adhering to the child’s needs from the knowing that the situation offers peace for both of us, and our trust in that (which we then bring to the situation) and the situation where we think we have to sacrifice our own needs for the child, which leeds to resentment/violence.

It becomes obvious that it is  not the situation that is the problem – but how we meet them. We can choose: peace – or violence/separation – “my” needs contra “your” needs. I create my own pain, by holding on to the thought that I must have “my” time.

But it is just a thought – believed in.

As soon as I stop believing the thought, something inside relaxes, and the child instantly picks that up and stop being “needy”. Now there is just a meeting, a joining: the one does not lose and the other does not win – here is just another opportunity for being present to what is NOW – trusting that if it is met without resistance/hatred/violence, only good comes out of it.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara
    Feb 06, 2013 @ 15:34:42

    Beautiful Leelah~


  2. Anil
    Feb 08, 2013 @ 20:43:36

    So true, Leelah –
    In my two+ years of Lucas in my life (that’s his picture in my gravatar btw ! (: — I have experienced this too. He is a great teacher for me !
    Never thought fatherhood could be so fulfillingly frustratingly fulfilling (:


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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