Thank you opens the door to Love

Michael Brown   writes in the Presence Process how the very process will bring to us wishes for contact from people from long time ago. Yesterday I met my first real friend in this life – Corinne: she phoned me and asked that we met. Her children had asked her to write about her life, and she remembered that she and I used to write stories together. These were stories about ghosts and skeletons! We started with this when we were 3 years old, and went on for a while, until we drifted apart because I moved away.

I still had that book, we met and  she saw it again – and pointed out that we had exactly the same handwriting.

Corinne is the daughter of an Anglican Pastor. Her home was my safe haven -and heaven -when I was small. Her parents were predictable, safe, loving, honest, straight – and her mother baked the bestest bread in the world, and was always available. Once, I was caught in a crazy wind right outside the Pastors house, 3-4 years old and alone.The pastor spotted me from the window, ran out, scooped me up into his arms and ran back into the house with me. It felt exactly as God’s arms. And of course it was.

Now Corinne and I reminisced about how real and alive those stories felt when we made them. And we made them exactly the way I work with stories with patients in my therapist practice today: the story sits in the air and enters us and we both take turns in seeing what happens next.

Corinne told me about her marriage with a wonderful man – happy in his work, with his children, always joyful. She showed me a photo, and thinking about it makes my hair stand up: this is somebody who completely embodies JOY. She tells me that they have been married for 45 years, have 3 children and 5 grandchildren, she likes – and loves – them all. She does not lie: there is a peace emanating from her when she speaks.

In this moment, I think: maybe it IS possible for me to receive love from a man who will NOT turn into a devil when I last expect it. She has done that – and she was my first and best friend – may there be a mirror here?

In the evening I had a Skype session with dear Caren. There was a cramp like pain in the abdomen, and she asked “Could you say thank you to it?”

In the same second I said yes – recognizing that I  do want to befriend what is, not hate it. There was a silent and radiant expansion, like a closed door opening – there was radiant light and joy around me, and I heard a “thank you” from inside – like from a prisoner being let out in the light, realizing that he may have done heinous acts, but they were done from fear and belief in separation, and he sees that in reality, his spirit is free and has always been.

My own belief in the value of self-punishment is once again seen as meaningless and silly –  I also deeply recognize that everything that has happened to this one through incarnations, I have brought upon myself by bringing my beliefs into the ego thought system of sin, guilt and fear. Now I have a deep intention of recognizing the thoughts, and immediately bringing them to the correction of Spirit in my mind, before I attach a belief and an “I” to them.

Today, I received this wondrous video in my mailbox. What a great synchronicity













6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Apr 25, 2013 @ 16:57:35

    Thank you! Thank you!


  2. Anna
    Apr 25, 2013 @ 19:59:32

    Dear Leelah,

    I started reading The Presence Process and the part which is called The Messenger is like a light where only was darkness before.
    Thank you for mentioning it Leelah.



  3. andrew13dertien
    Apr 26, 2013 @ 05:41:19

    I relate. I remember being 4 or 5 and spilling a cup of milk at a friend’s house. I was thinking oh no, the mom is going to scream and yell at me. And she didn’t. She just smiled and said something like dont worry sweetie and cleaned it up. I was amazed. I was in love. No yelling? No screaming? It’s okay?

    I have been in contact with a girl from high school I was deeply in love with. She just wanted to be friends. I was devastated. Now, I see it as a gift. The love I felt and still feel was always in my mind. My teenage body didn’t get some physical needs met- so what?

    She has breast cancer. Only 37. Doing chemo and will have surgery. Has a very thoughtful, well written Caring Bridge page.

    Nice to be in touch again


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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