Grace

These have been very difficult days.  A sense of “something” that is devoid of love and  alien to my energy system, and has power to manipulate my mind with images and ideas. When these “attacks” go on, it feels like my body and being is filled with toxic waste.

There is something in me that accepts this and trusts the process – an I know that ac. to the Course, all that really happens is that I, as mind beyond space and time, am choosing to listen to ego’s thought system of sin,guilt and fear and believes its thoughts as “mine.”

I see through that and forgive, and there are beautiful moments of peace – and then the psychic attacks continues.

I had a session with Stacy Sully.In a mail after we ended, she tells me that Sri Aurobindo‘s spirit came to her and told her that he is there for me.I immediately was drawn to his book “The Mother” which described her teaching.  I bought it years ago.I opened the book, expecting to  see what he wants me to see – and find it at once:

” The only way the fight against hostile forces is lost, is not to have full trust in divine help. The sincerity in your quest will always bring the required rescue. A quiet calling, the conviction that in this  journey toward realization you are never alone.”

Yes – this is it. Do I really trust my connection with Holy Spirit – Love – The Divine?

And as I contemplate this connection, shown to me in overwhelming strength,clarity and humor in this life, there is no doubt: I trust it fully.

I sit with this knowing and allow the trust to fill me. Yes, there are hostile forces in my mind, they’re presence is felt in my nervous system, and that presence starts off all the stories  and memories and identification going in the fearful ego mind. But as I truly sense the power of this awesome connection – and its eternal presence of NOW – something deep inside the mind shifts.

That night I have a dream of standing before a nearby food market – called “COOP” – “for co-operation.” A young boy stands in front of it and prays. Waking up, I realize that from now on, at all times, I must be in co-operation with Holy Spirit: do everything with him.

The last day, after this dream, the sensations of hostile forces in my body were intensified. Remembering that when we are close to Home, ego goes crazy and will put up all kind of attacks and threats, I can – well, as good as I can – receive it and pray for help to let it go.

And at about 7 pm, looking at “So you think you can dance” I am aware that something feels different. Nigel Lithgoe is allowing a whole family to dance at the stage – and their child is 4 years old, a little girl. The love between them is palpable, and the dance is mesmerizing. The audience is wild, and Nigel gives the whole family tickets to Vegas! And I smile and my heart expands  and something is different.

What is missing is the constant feeling of being possessed – “the hostile forces” have evaporated. The aches and pains are here – but there is no resistance to it now: it’s just stuff, not “mine”, just stuff. Not personal, no guilt involved. Simple.

The only thing I have to do – ever – is allow the love that is available as my true Self to embrace me and enfold me. I rested in that loving space inside the central column of light, re-affirming the strength in my connection with my Creator

I am in the very last days in the process of having my main book “When fear comes home to Love” formatted. I have changed to a new and excellent formatter, and this time it seems that all is well. He tells me this has been a big challenge for him – very complicated to format for Kindle. I have had to learn a lot about the technicalities in self-publishing too – and am now in the process of uploading all the color illustrations to my other blog, where I have descriptions of the manuscripts. Lots of new stuff to learn virtually!

I have learned through the years that there can be short pauses from the hostile forces. But this time I have this new absolute certainty: my connection to the Divine can never be broken. And then –  forces or not –  I have this unchanging place of Home where I always can rest  and allow Love to surround me.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Jun 17, 2013 @ 02:29:41

    Thanks for this.

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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