Allowing and including joy and praise

Ahh the joys and and griefs of self publishing…

Joys when somebody buy this paperback and I GET REVIEWS♥♥♥

and then the griefs when the electronic Kindle versions are corrupted and I un-publish them, and they are still there to be bought- in my name – oo, SO unpleasant –

But I am noticing a very interesting thing:

I have been in a vicious circle which I now see how I have made. Which is a good thing to see!

The mechanism is very simple: looking at errors and accepting them as real make it so. I have looked at everything seemly going wrong with the books – editing, corruptions in the ebook-process -endless misunderstandings – and reacting at these faults and glitches  has made more and more of them: I am a Course student, and the Course really hammers this in that what we put our belief in, becomes real for us.

Concentrating on errors make more errors.And in my case, it has made me identify -again and again -with the childhood-girl in fear and pain

I talked to Kit today and described the feeling of deep frustration and depression about all the seeming obstacles to the books being published – and Kit helped me see that what was missing here, was my own support for myself, and the joy I felt I have put into them. She made me see this by insisting of giving time for herself to really sense the joy she felt when I talked about the books and the work.

I sat there and just felt my nervous system calm down and starting to glow in joy. I had not given space to this before – just for short glimpses. Now I sat and let it envelope me – the feeling of having done a great work, and how grateful I am for myself really hanging in there for 22 years in spite of the troubles and darkness that followed the process.

It is not the scared child-identity who needs to be involved in this books and “get them published”: I have done that, in spite of  the fear and the scares.

I am going to rest in this true I today.

And allowing myself to print here the 2 reviews and Kit’s comment to “When fear comes home to Love” on its forum-site for writers.

The little Leelah squirms and sweats now and tells me that this is very very bad to do – showing off like this –

and I smile to her, knowing it is just an old belief she has held on to –

and here are the 2 reviews, which made me cry –

and then Kit’s

“Please please you don’t have to read them” little Leelah cries now, and I tell her “the readers of the blog know this, sweetie, they do it only if they want to – they can choose –

and little Leelah goes blank: choose? what is that?


I am going to explain that to her now –

and here are the reviews then:

This review is from: Healing Crisis: 108 ways to turn crises into possibilities (Paperback)

5.0 out of 5 stars An Amazing Little Book, July 3, 2013

Due to its unusual title, I began this little book not really knowing what to expect. What I found is exactly what the title claims.

108 highly unusual methods, any of which could be practiced at home, with no outside assistance, to aid us in difficult times,and enrich us at other times.
Exercise One is simply called LOVE: “It is not what happens to us that decides your state of being–but how we respond to it, and ourselves. When we truly master this one, we are home.”
This book is packed full of marvelous, beautiful, almost magical wisdom. I highly recommend it

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful (me LOL)

5.0 out of 5 stars PRACTICAL, SPIRITUAL, HONEST, AND DO-ABLE, July 1, 2013
This review is from: Healing Crisis: 108 ways to turn crises into possibilities (Paperback)

I just recommended this book to a client. Unlike any book I’ve seen, it contains a series of practical and do-able -even potentially fun – modes of accessing our Selves with an eye to healing. So often suggestions for self-help exercises seem too complicated or time-demanding to fit into our daily lives. Not so with these, with possibilities including the use of photography, enjoying nature, verbalizing — as in creative journaling — dance — body movement, and more.

As I read these, I knew they would have helped me back in the days of my own therapy when I could hardly avoid moving into myself when I wasn’t busy doing my daily work, and even sometimes as I was working. What’s clear is that each of these 108 Proposals has been helpful to the author herself.

I’m looking forward to hearing stories from my own clients about ways this book has helped.


Kit wrote:

Dear Leelah,

Your book is a most precious gift to me as a reader!

What an adventure into the dark corners of us humans – and the wonderful thing is that by you seeing the needs behind your own and other peoples painful feelings and destructive behaviors – you are actually able to set yourself free – and I as a reader join the ride by melting into a very loving and forgiving place in myself! So I actually get at taste of freedom, too – that is what I call a powerful read!!! I LOVE books that touches me deeply and in a transformative way, like your book does to me. That is actually the kind of books I am searching for – and I find them quite rare!

And another thing – even though your book covers very painful issues of abuse etc – it is sprinkled with so much humor, playfulness and curiosity, that the heaviness evaporates into something light and peaceful, filled with insights and love.

I love the way you use stories from real life – either your own or case studies from your clients – it makes it so convincing. I find it so much more interesting to read about somebody that have been struggling with existential issues in life and found a way to handle them – than books only telling me in a normative way how I “should live my life”.

I actually think that your book is a wonderful answer to the so-called “problem of evil” in the world – through your story you show in a truthful, wise and loving way that there is actually no evil person, just a lot of very destructive behavior, covering up for a persons deepest fears! I love this way of seeing the world 🙂

On my iPhone, I write down quotes which inspire me – and I keep reading them again and again as a way of reminding me of what I value in life. And your book has been a wonderful source for such quotes – here are a few of them:

“All addicts are pieces of God, forgetting Who they are. Look upon them with this knowing, and you look upon you.”

“In our everyday life, we experience that what we avoid doing something with, certainly does something to us, and pursue us – until we stop, turn around and bless it.”

“We are the very arena where the primal forces of life and death meet and dance – and as the Divine sparks we are, we have the freedom to play with it.”

“What determines your experience is where you place your belief.”

“What if we see perpetrators not as being evil – but as being trapped and captured by their own denial and ignorance – which breed evil.”

“When we want to bring the characters in The Sacred Tree of Horrors out of their trappedness and their deadly blind repetition, we play with it and invite it into the clear room of nonjudgemental awareness. In Expressive Arts Therapy, there are myriads of ways to play with this. And what a relief: we don’t have to figure things out with our mind – but letting it reveal itself to s and surprise us!”

“Inner demons are demons because they are hungry for something they are not getting. […] We create them by ignoring and judging our painful feelings.”



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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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