I have been wrong

I have believed deeply this life that the voice who says “You MUST” is my salvation.

It is not truth that this voice of force is my savior

it is not true that the fear that calls for this force and control is my savior

It is not right and good to say yes to these voices, allowing them to be my teachers and use them as authorities to be trusted.

These voices have no value

They are empty

Whenever I have opposed these voices – or the “persons” that have embodied them – I have proven that they are real and have power

Only my belief in them gave them that power and made me cower and react with fear

I allowed them to control me,make me a victim –

that proved that Jesus was wrong and the separation was real

how relieving to see how wrong I have been



False Evidence Appearing Real

Today I asked Holy Spirit to show me that I live in a dream.

I saw a play:

It was and indescribable experience. We shouted bravos for 5 minutes. The link takes you to the page of the director and his ensemble, who has traveled the world with this. It truly allows us to see the dreamlike quality of our existence.

Here’s a short video from the play:

The 2.example came just now – a few moments ago – my heart is still racing.While I was looking at the video below – “False Evidence Appearing Real = FEAR” – a spider the size about 2×2 inches crept over my wall from under the PC, which I see as a symbol of my mind. It appeared very very very real and I snatched the nearest little book and smashed it. The book was one I note wise-word-quotes from the Course in.

I flushed it down the toilet

Heres the video:


Primal fear

This has never happened before

There must have been a shift in the energy system/belief system – yesterday I realized that stories I have believed was “my” thinking were clearly seen as just stories and that  did not need to hold on to them. They were all very dreamlike and silly-like.

And i did not fall asleep before 4-5 in the morning – when that happens, I know there is some old fear beneath the surface. This morning I found the attention going to the central “wound” in the chest, and it felt like a tiny door opened for 1 second, and out pured the most primal pure fear-energy I ever felt

Writing that sentence brings up lots of yawns

I’d better go and sit with it and whatever it brings up –

it also feels like a good idea to be open about it

untitled – silk banner

Opening to Love

I go deep down inside the lung/heart area where the chronic cough comes from. Dark.Dense.Sensation of cave.Nausea.

“Do you want to leave?”

Murky.Nausea.Slight movement. G U I L T

We “talk” for a while – gradually it sees that the guilt is just a thought, believed in -and it is ready to leave this nervous system

As is does, what it was protecting/hiding is becoming clear -a vast unending space of calm sunshined peace

I bathe in it, while the cells are gradually opening to love. The skeleton is releasing toxins

So much nausea is here – but it is not serious:)

This morning I am taken down there again – more pockets of guilt are visited: this identity believes it killed off God – but it is not quite certain, and in that case, God is surely after it

It is amazing to experience the Course metaphysics playing out in my mind –

I am willing to be wrong about this belief – that it could be possible for God to separate out a piece of Itself that wants to kill Its Source off –

I give the thoughts and ideas and beliefs to the Holy Spirit, and  I trust that it is done

There are strong heart palpitations and nausea, and it is seen that it is not serious

And “Aint  I special!” says the spiritualized ego, “to have seen all of this..aint I good!”

Listening, a giggling a bit

At last – When fear comes home to Love is published as paperback today

22 years of constant explorations – well worth it – oh can’t wait to at last have it in my hands


The taboo-thing

When Kit and I explore through Skype, we experience that any disturbances in our communication  are immediately reflected in the quality of the Skype-connection. The places where we just don’t click – where we really  are not in touch with ourselves /the other ( same thing really) are faithfully shown to us.

Today we were taking about taboos – the places in our lives where we have decided to stop talking about certain themes in our families of origin, because of the signals we have received when doing so – everything from threats to violence to looks of fear,disgust,contempt,ridicule. We all have these isolated islands in side where the weed grow thick and the underwater wells are polluted and give out a strong stench when we may step too close to its guarded borders.Lets say it is guarded with a circle of crocodiles.

Two times when we were sharing about taboos the electronic connection became weird, once we got the sign that the Internet-connection was very unstable. As soon as we found what was true and was connected to it, it was also felt energetically, and Skype immediately worked great again.

We both shared an example where we had felt responsible for others’ feelings and had felt guilty: Oh I shouldn’t have said that/done that etc ad nauseam.

Exactly when I felt this in my body, a sign popped up on my desktop:

“How to clean out junk on the PC. Without regular cleaning, you PC accumulates junk files that slow down your system.It is easy to get rid of the junk with System Mechanic.”

May I present to you – my system mechanic: forgiveness the Course way.

The main thing to know in this process is to acknowledge that what happens to us, we choose. Before you start to scream and protest, I’ll mention that the part that chooses to be punished and suffer is the ego. Which we identify with, by choosing to believe in the ego-thought system which is separated from Truth – and Truth is here meant as our Self, our true identity as God’s Child.

When we are immersed in the ego thought-system, we find ourselves plagued with guilt, fear and sin.

When the sign popped up, Kit and I wondered what junk it was referring too – and it took just a minute to find that it was guilt – ego’s main building block in its convincing appearance/dream – the WORLD.

We both had a recent experience where we found ourself in a situation where we told ourselves that we “should” have responded different. We thought we “owed it” to the other person – a clear sign of guilt. There were strong voices inside us both that told us that to NOT “help” the other would make us cold, mean,cruel and egoistic.

But is was shown as junk-thoughts – just the kind that ego needs us to think to maintain its hold on our mind and separate it from Love.

There is so much junk in this kind of “helping:” We say inside “Oh you poor thing, you don’t have the wisdom and superiority that I have, and not the potential either. I’d better help you”(meaning “preach to” you.)

What a seducing role that is – “the helper.” S/he helps to feel better. Now Kit and I were shown how in both cases we had been involved in – what had happened  was perfect as it was – and that we can not possibly know what anything is good for.

And – now with Fred Astaire

And now it’s even more fantastic

Via con me

Just because I love this piece so much – and HOW he sings it – ahhhhhhhhhhhh

The red spot

Going to bed last night, I noticed a clear round red spot on my left cheek. It was big too – 0,6 inch.That set off a strong alarm in the body  – my face would be disfigured,I would not look pretty anymore. i would look disgusting, disfigured, sickening, abominable. It took some seconds before i recognized split-off feelings from very young: verbal abuse from the men who also sexually abused me. I felt U G L Y and D I S G U S T I N G  and there was a strong identification with all the labels.

I have looked at photos of myself as young. Pretty is a weak word for it. Thing is – I did not see that before I was in the sixties. The old image of BAD and DISGUSTING was a veil that i saw myself through, whatever others told me.

In bed, I went into the TAT-pose  and went through the 8 sentences/”attitudes” while holding the pose. One can incorporate TAT with Course-teachings, so this is a great healing procedure for me. TAT works with putting our attention on what the attitudes say while touching certain energy-medicine points, and then just paying attention to what happens in the body and mind, letting it be, trusting the process.

What happened was strong pains like lightening bolts, nausea and despair. While i was going through the process, I knew that when something manifests in the skin like this, it means that it has come to be seen and forgiven and released. So I forgave my perception of myself as disgusting etc – forgave the ones who gave me the words ( by choosing ego as my teacher I had unconsciously wanted somebody to punish guilty old me.)

Looking into the mirror this morning, there was no trace of the red spot. I said thank you very loud – and heard: “it is your perception of yourself that is healed.”

Of course! The red spot was nothing else than a projection of my “ugly disgusting” perception of myself.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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