Conditioning breaking off

Yesterday a spiritual teacher sent a very high and loving energy. It felt so wonderful and uplifting that I listened to her tape twice.

The night was one of the worst. I prayed for help and insight, and in the morning it was suddenly clear:

The split off girl – that I have mentioned some times, particularly in the bio – has the last days come more forth. I was shown this morning that the harsh defense against love that comes each time I have a breakthrough, is nothing else than a habitual reflection to a very traumatizing split that happened again and again with her father: first, there was a loving union of minds and hearts – and then, from Heaven right into the darkest hell: something took him over and the abuse started.

Of course a child will learn to split these experiences off – but what was most awful about it was that I/she learned to see love as a signal to horror – she conditioned herself to immediately go into dissociation.

And the miracle now is that I this morning see the possibility for beauty  and healing in this: instead of the habitual conditioned disgust and hatred of  the part that defends itself so strongly and create all these pains for so many years, I can be with “her” and hold her need for defense in the heart – and in that way, stop all the judgment that makes it stay.

Twice this day did I experience “her” crying in release, when “she” was met.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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