40 days in the desert

I am currently going through a process called “40 days” created by Lisa Natoli. It refers to Jesus’ 40 days in the desert, where he committed to sit until he knew the Truth. And all kind of temptations arose around him – manifestations  of the false mind, the ego thought system  -and he did not budge.

When we sign up for this process – guided with daily audios/videos and blog from Lisa, and a Facebook-group to share experiences in – our soul’s hidden unwanted stuff arises too. And if it does not arise as thoughts in the mind, it manifests outside of us. The process is total commitment to hang in there, whatever seem to happen, inside or outside. Accept everything as it shows itself, know that all is good even though it does not seem like it – know that you rest in Spirit/Self/Christ, and allow IT to do the healing and purification of the mind that is creating these manifestations.

Since I started, the energies in the night have been horrendous. Today, from a liberated view, I see that I have been trapped in false identification with fear-stories.

Today, I am almost finished with the Quan Yin book. It feels like I wrote it myself – so intimate, so absorbed in me is her story. I listened to the CD inside the book with the meditation again and again – and suddenly I got the idea to change my usual bed to another bed in an adjacent room. I even changed my direction in the bed: now my head is in the North.

I slept ca 80 % better

In the morning, the intensely charged fear energies returned -and the usual feelings of hopelessness – and then the idea/inner knowing: “since you notice these false ideas/voices, you cannot be them.”

Gradually the false identification slipped off – I was seen to be the awareness of it all. Deep peace and restfulness.

Then I listened to Lisa Natoli’s audio for today. The following is a mix of my own experiences and Lisa’s story to us on the 5th day.

We are reminded to allow everything to be just like it is – “You need do nothing”, ACIM.

Today the exercise is “Telling the true story.” It points to the fact that a human being identifies with the appearances of things – fear and pain and confusion become “my” fear and pain and confusion = “I am therefore a victim.” Since only Love/Spirit is true and real – deny the appearances of anything else. My belief that the crazy energies each night are “mine” makes it my experience – but true it is not.

Lisa shares how when something happens to us, like these crazy energies/pains to me, we immediately start to tell stories about/interpretations about it; “Oh I am not healed yet. I must be stupid who has not got this already” etc. She helps us see how we beat up on ourselves with shoulding and self-hating. “Oh there is more work to do. Sigh, how overwhelming.” No, it isn’t. I am awake, I was always awake, dreaming about separation. Where I lapse, is where I identify with the false voices and thoughts: like “there is something in me that MUST be fixed before I am free.”

The relief of realizing that the shoulding hating voices can just be there – just noticed, “there I go again, no biggie” is a vast relief.

Lisa shares a true story about Myrtle Fillmore – the following paragraph is from the website:

Myrtle was afflicted with tuberculosis at a young age and spent many years believing she was incurably weak and sickly. While attending a lecture by metaphysician Dr. E.B. Weeks in 1886, Myrtle learned of her innate potential for divine healing through the use of affirmative prayer. She began regularly affirming, “I am a child of God, and therefore I do not inherit sickness.” Over time,(2 years) she was healed of the tuberculosis that had threatened her life.

She knew that the appearance of malaria and tuberculosis was not who she was. And in the same way, I am noticing as true that the appearances of raging pain/darkness is not who I am – just the play of Mara, as the Buddha realized under the Bodhi Tree.

“You are LOVE

That is the only story you should tell”

*

And today this was in my mail: I love the smile in the desert –

http://www.dailygood.org/ ( see “Painter of the Desert)

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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