This is the kind of therapy I love to take part in: I love to be present and demonstrate who I am. The I here pointing to Self:) The depth – the honesty – the joy of exploration and inquiry – not to fix or have results, but for the sheer  joy of sharing that space. And it is through this honest presence that I acquire the very essential trust from my patients, which makes healing possible – and often miraculously so. I am not somebody who knows what they have to do to free themselves  – my sheer presence to what they are bringing in to the session is transformational, in the simple way that it draws out of the “patient” her/his own knowing. And this is my deepest wish: to allow the patients to find this ever-present kind and loving Place in their own heart – and help them receive their Self.

I am here in this world to meet you- not fix you.

What I love most is the quality of that Space which opens and embraces us both: all that we need is available NOW.

All kind of false believes are seen and dropped into that Space. Smiled at and seen dissolved.

The old poisonous story

This night, I saw through the pattern of being “unjustly treated,” “disrespected.”

I saw how I have projected this pattern  –  this part of “my story” – on clients and others (included rapists and insane people from childhood): No – Leelah has not done that – egomind has, in order to secure its status as separate, special, master of its own destiny. It’s not that I attract them – its that I immediately project this story on them and myself, in order to keep my separated self intact. The story is of such magnetic/vibrational magnitude because it is the main story of the world: the innocent victim and the guilty violator.

The projector is me: what a relief to see  that I am “dreaming” this whole story up and making it real, believing in its very realistic appearances and pains.

It is not real: God has never thought these thoughts. It has never happened in reality – in Heaven.

How can I not be respected? I am a reflection of God’s perfection, created in his Image.

I forgive myself for dreaming this impossible dream and for taking the innocent role-part.

I am done fighting Love in this way – how beautiful to just relax into the knowing that I am innocent, and so are the role-players of perpetrators. The degree of perversion and “evil” means nothing: the original pain and fear in the mind came from the Son of God’s belief that the Tiny Mad Idea was real.

I forgive myself for making you act out, so that I can keep my story of “me.”Keep the specialness going.

Holy Spirit, thank you for showing me the complete insanity of the egomind. I don’t want to do it any more.



This is the 40th day of  The 40 day in the desert-process with Lisa Natoli.

I woke up at 5am with the usual poisonous pains in the body, asked for help and remembered Lisa’s theory that when we do not extend the Love that we are – because we forget Who we are – then that energy is turned inward and turns poisonous. It is just energy that is not used the way it is supposed to.

Love wants to be shared – and right now, I was subconsciously  blocking it. I instantly offer to share this love – with whom?

I instantly see images from Congo. Joshua French, the Norwegian man who at first was accused of murdering a Congolese driver together with his friend Tjostolf Moland. Recently Moland died in prison, and French was accused of having murdered him too.

I extend Love to the whole situation and everyone involved, It feels indescribably good, and all poison is gone. While I am extending the Love, there are no thought of judgments, no wondering what this is for, no trying to fix – just allowing unconditional Love into the whole situation.

Then the ego sneaks in an claims the forgiveness as its own: a “me” being the good and saintly one and the Congolese authorities as the baddies – and I asked for help to see this differently. I was shown that what was needed was just a change of my perception of the whole situation – orchestrated as the good and innocent ones and the bad overpowering ones .I remembered Ken Wapnick’s incessant  reminders to his students: The Course is not about changing the world – there is no world – it is about healing the thoughts in the mind that are projected into this world and seemingly creating wars, disasters and evil – and also so-called “good.”

How sobering! All I need to forgive is my perception of the situation – which included distributing character traits, guilt, and blame, as the ego loves it.  The world is a play, as Shakespeare realized. What I see with my physical eyes are only projections of thoughts in the mind – seeming so very real and alive – but still only a projection we humans get caught in.

A beautiful peace ascends on me as I am taken back to Truth – and I pray for help to see the Congo-play differently, and to have my vision of it corrected. As I do this, it feels like looking at figures in an old black-and-white movie, they are flickering shadows. I ask to see clearly, and the figures turn out to be actors distributing roles between them. This scene plays out on the plane before incarnation: “Oh what a great play! So much to learn! You will play the poor Joshua French, and I will play the mean and ugly prosecutor – and then you get to be the innocent one and I will seem to be the villain –  yes, and the Congolese will have bald shiny heads and black suits and they will scream as they prosecute…” and I see them laughing and shaking hands as they distribute the roles in the drama –

– and then I see the “actors” DE-ROLING – now all the “actors” are standing there before me – everybody has “donned” their roles and have acquired important experiences and life-lessons that their souls have wanted. They all have got what they wanted, as the Course teaches – not on the level of the human, but on the level of soul. Now I see only light-beings – and after a little while, I see only One. And It is looking back at me, and saying:

This is all a dream – and you are dreaming it. Forgive yourself: you are the Holy Son of God* who fell asleep and dreamed up a world where there seemed to exist something else than God’s Love and God’s Will. Come Home to your Sacred Self



To any new reader of this blog and unfamiliar with A Course in Miracles:

The “Son of God” referred to is NOT the character Leelah – the human personality – but God’s Holy Son, created in His image – and that creation is Spirit – our true Identity. It is only from Spirit I could see that play unraveling













Healing the PC

My printer acted up yesterday, and I got my PC-distant-fixer to look at it today – he takes control over my machine.

I have this theory that my hard-disk mirrors my mind. They are both electromagnetic, right 🙂 and today, when Charles removed a certain program from the PC  – It was called shadow-program LOL – I felt WONDERFUL! I yawned for several minutes as tensions disappeared, then I felt drunk for some minutes, and very giggling. SO good to get unnecessary programs cleaned, isn’t it 😉 Then Charles met with very unexpected problems. This was very very strange, he told me.I denied its importance and  started to giggle, and he started to laugh, and before our eyes the problems just vanished.
So if your PC fights you, just practice forgiveness ala Course in Miracles.

The ugly crying

I love finding out in the morning how I want the day to go. I have noticed that each day I want a wonderful surprise. I always get one. I also intend to go around surprising myself with being a vehicle for my Self and what It wants to say through me.

So I was standing in the queue  to the cashier at the Mall, and a little boy started to scream in the really ugly mean hateful way. The man in front of me turned around and looked at the boy – and me – and I felt we were 1/2 a second away from the usual reaction: rolling our eyes. And then I heard myself say ” You and I NEVER screamed like that.” He laughed, I laughed, and in 5 seconds the boy stopped screaming.

Good morning!

Found this on facebook. I share his discovery: the more I open to the Love that I am and share it, the more other people meet me with love and smiles even before I smile at them. It’s all one delicious roll. Good morning, everyone! I love you!

Black Panther and old patterns

Last night and today was intensely filled with strong identification with suffering. As soon as I denied that identity and reclaimed my identity as Spirit, all tiredness and confusion fell away – for about 40 seconds. I was starting to go down the habitual mental spiral of “oh there is something that is stronger than Spirit in me that drags me down” when a clear impulse made me open wise -words notebook nr 13 ( I have filled 15:))  and realized, oh I am doing it again.

The fact that I was led to this exact quote was the sign that I needed to see that I was not straying from the path at all – I just needed a gentle reminder from my Self

The bus driver was the Nigerian man who never smiled, and who spoke in a very non-understandable way. I started sending Love, and gradually he thawed a little. The break -through came a little later when some passengers did not understand him and were stressed, and he rose from his seat at the next station and went down the aisle to them and I heard them laughing together. Miracle.

By John, the healing was just HEAVEN. There were no symbols, just a feeling of being in Heaven. At some time, unexpectedly Shiloh the panther started a ferocious fight: I looked down to her in the Lower World, and boy did she fight darkness and eat it.  Then all was Heaven again.

At the bus home, the same driver was there. Same angry energy –  not one smile. I set a strong intention of seeing him differently – and wanting him to speak to me in a friendly way. I did not have to wait long: he held the bus for a man who took the swat next to me, we started to talk about the book I was reading about autism. We both enjoyed our talk a lot. Then he left, a distracted snow truck almost collided with our bus and the bus driver SMILED at it and turned to me and we talked together.

The energy felt like a shower of spring rain.

At home I logged on this blog, and wanted to find the first blog post about Shiloh. I searched “Black panther” – you might do it too:) and found another post about this panther that I had completely forgotten.

All of a sudden she got a lot more real to me!



The paralysed man in Bethesda

In the 40 days – course Lisa  Natoli wrote about the story in the Bible about the paralyzed man at the pool of Bethesda – how Jesus heard his story about his life long paralysis, and (probably) said “Your story does not impress me.” – I once – some 15-20 years ago – participated in a Bibliodrama-course with the great Doris Immich, where this story was played out. I volunteered to explore the role of the paralysed man, and boy did that role feel close to “me.” I don’t remember how the healing took place – I guess I could not accept that at that time – but I do remember the woman who played Jesus, and how the energy around “her” was unlike anything I ever have experienced. I could hardly breathe, and knew I was in the Presence of Christ. The tears were flowing and did not stop.
Now I am much more willing to not be impressed by my own story of suffering.

The mind that serves the Holy Spirit is unlimited forever, in all ways, beyond the laws of time and space, unbound by any preconceptions and with strength and power to do whatever it is asked. Attack thoughts cannot enter such a mind because it has been given to the source of Love and fear can never enter a mind that has attached itself to Love. It rests in God –  and who can be afraid who lives in innocence and only loves. 


In today’s Skype-sharing with Kit, we explored the place in the mind where the little child for the first time discovers that mom/dad is ” another.” Suddenly they are different: the all encompassing Love we felt has been withdrawn, and here is somebody else who uses a new and scary angry voice – they look quite different – their energy is different.

We felt the shock in the system – the shock that our parent could be “somebody alien”, and the terror of that – and we made a decision: “I will lock it off.”

We massacred our brain: neurons, do NOT go the usual direction. We are in great danger: reroute,reroute! Lock that shock into the system for good.

And next time our parent is “different”, we are trained to circumvent the old shock-reaction: we are trained to deal with it with anger, force and control. We overpower the other.

And what we have locked into our systems, we now subconsciously project into our children – as Kit described today had happened when her little son refused to dress and go to Kindergarten.

Our headaches disappear as we allow the old locks to be unlocked. The grief flows out,then the peace – and the clear insight that the “changed” parent did not came from evil or hatred – they came from their own indoctrination – just ignorance, just an error.

Stop – breathe when you feel these patterns. Stop the automatic repetition: sense what goes on in the body, be willing to open what you closed of, be willing to forgive it, to have your beliefs about what this all meant, to be corrected.

Seen down to the core -there are no guilty ones

All that ever happened is that (very few) people have been raised – and trained – to deal with anger in a child in a healthy way: “I see that you are angry now. I will sit here with you, and I’d love to hear what is going on.”


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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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