Ticket Home


I am with a group of 2 women, it is night, we are stumbling into a group of “derelicts.” I lose sight of the other 2, and manage my way through this group. They are bone tired, most of them drugged. – I remember that I saw a short interview yesterday with a definitely drugged person, and because of NOT reminding myself that I was seeing a dream, (in Course-meaning,) I got this night-dream. And that was for good:) By noticing how I was maneuvering through the night – with kindness and very little fear – I now realize how much of this “dangerous men on outlook for rape victims” – theme  is now healed.

One of the young men told me he wanted to kiss me, but Dream-Leelah said ” I just want to do this” and stroked his cheek ever so gently.

Oh – his face melted 🙂

Then I was on the train back home – Home – and did not find my paper-ticket. The Conductor told me they had to have it – and I told them to look it up on their computer – there they would find that they had sold it to me.

Oh that was some ticket, boys and girls: In Technicolor, standing diagonally and large on the screen, slowly and majestically revolving around itself in all its majesty.

They bowed and smiled


Working through an old story

Uncanny how we are able to direct the electronics around us to play on team with the lessons we need. My pattern is to have people treat me disrespectfully, come late to appointments, or “forget them.” This gives the old story a chance to insert itself on anybody I am communicating with in my surroundings. “This ALWAYS happen to me.” This time 2 plumbers acted it out perfectly for me.-I knew I was stuck in an old story, and had worked for a whole day with praying to see it differently, being willing to forgive myself for my creation etc. It was exhausting, and it felt like doomsday – death, almost.

What I truly need to take in, is that my phone also played along with my unconscious need to be unjustly treated. So when he came – ½ hour after he had set the appointment, after having moved it 3,5hours later, I was livid. My story was affirmed, other people were NOT to be trusted. I was NOT being respected. He could at least phoned and let me know! And this time I was not willing to pretend that all was well, so I confronted him with 3 breaks of promises, not meeting to appointed times. No more meek sheep.

He told me he had got no messages on his voice-mail and no sms’s – that was strange since I had sent 1 of each. I told him I had given him my cellphone nr, he said he had not got it. He said he had sent messages on my answering machine, I said it had not made a sound, and I was in the same room as the phone.

The communication was 1) at first a tie – both defended their status as unjustly treated and innocent accused – then 2) we started to listen to each other 3) then, as he told how a plumber’s day is very unpredictable – like suddenly encountering a leak in the wall and the work taking 3 more hours – ahhh that killed a lot of paranoia – and I could tell him “I made up a lot of stories there” and he smiled and told me not to do that – and his boss had 2 days ago got a little girl, so that’s probably why he did not answer my mails – jeesh I could get that – and suddenly I stood in a shower of light: that old vortex of hatred , guilt slinging and blame just dissolved.

And we smiled and smiled, and when he left he shook my hand firmly and looked straight into my eyes.

And now comes the clou: although I had sat near the phone when he called and left 2 messages that he was going to be late, I had not heard a sound. And that phone gives a loud sound. I found the messages after he left LOL

It shows me how much push it was inside me to KEEP the story and be RIGHT – but he was right, and it felt just delicious. I guess all that praying and practicing for hours had an effect LOL

It reminds me of a similar happening  last Saturday: I was in town, and a brand new schedule – shining white – announced the tram departures to the address to a workshop. A man at the station pointed out that that train had stopped going to my destination 3 years ago! Now it went only one station.Still, that schedule was brand new I tell you. THIS story was another old one: “I am always tricked.” And this time, the miracle was there on the station as this young man – how could he know I was not taking the tram for only one station? I asked him that, he just smiled and took that one-stop-train to the end station “ The Castle-garden.”

Nice symbol, don’t you think?

So I took another train and allowed HS to direct me. When I finally reached the destination of the Workshop, even the map I had showed a wrong placement  in the road.

All this shows me the power of the mind to project the exact illusions that mirror what we have chosen as our “reality.” And as shown here – we easily bend physical laws to prove that we are right.

Now I thank God for the force of that unpleasantness: if there comes a next time where I want to be unjustly treated, I will shudder and say “No thank you. I choose love instead-”

PS: That plumber was dressed completely in red. Only when I saw this image just now on Facebook did I understand the deeper meaning of the  lesson to day


A small gray messenger

This Sunday morning I had the most amazing satori in bed. ALL IS CLEAR, and I saw the beauty and perfection of absolutely everything in all of my lives – or more clear: in the human life – including massacres, abuse, the whole enchilada. Then I fell into sleep and had a REALLY bloody dream about jealousy – and when I woke up, the image of the Tarot card the Devil came up. Ooops! Well – Holy Spirit, thank you for letting me know that I still need to forgive this creation of mind – or maybe, stop reacting to it as if it is real. My nervous system now really did.

As I some minutes later sat beside the window and the image of “the Devil” came into my mind, the energy of this belief and image sprang forth inside, and also instantly the human fear and agony and resistance of this concept – the very essence of denial of Love inside us all. I immediately felt a judgment – “I shouldn’t feel this after the satori, I can’t trust the satori” and THERE is a little gray sparrow flying down from the roof and flying in one space right in front of my nose, as if it is trying to find an opening to get in to me.

It did 🙂

Thank you Holy Spirit

Thrice, as I remember it, I have experienced in this life the absolute denial of Love as energy inside me and seemingly around me – and each time, Love has taken care of it by saying YES to it. That YES certainly did NOT come from Leelah! There was a “Yes – also this can be included in Me” and the transformation from black horror to Heaven was instantaneous. Oh my God, THE LIGHT! – On the last occasion,in my mailbox next day, there was a child’s drawing of a big sun


This is described in my book “When fear comes home to Love”*


Now I can sit down with the energy and say: ( this is from “Way of the Heart” by Jeshua/Jayem)

I am the source of this

I judge it not

I extend forgiveness to myself for this creation

I love you – I embrace you – I set you free to be your Self

I bless you with the blessing of Christ

I allow Holy Spirit to replace my perception with Truth

And I realize – that transformation has already happened 3 times – I just PICKED THE IMAGE UP AGAIN





I am following a free 7-video-course by Rikka Zimmerman – and want to share how she works with it: to me, they are very helpful tools. Link to her fb site below This is someone who truly walks her talk and has embraced limitlessness to the full. She even allows herself to be bubbling happy in public!

She says:

“-It is not true that I am judging other people: I am reading THEIR judgments.So when i notice a judgment, I immediately hold a space of Love for both of us – for them and for me – and they can let go of it! And now it’s time to let go of judging me! This judging memememe. Here’s a tool that retrains us not to resonate with judgment.

Make a commitment: I am no longer judging me.And even if i find myself in judgment of myself or another,I am not even judging that. I am picturing a stop sign –  S T O P and immediately choose another expansive fun thought about them/me. When you do this, you re-wire your brain. Sooner or later, you will not resonate with judgment any more at all. – If judgments are really heavy and coming back, you say “you know what – I am not going to judge myself any more.” Do that about everything 🙂

Make the commitment: I am no longer judging! And even if i find myself in judgment of myself or another, I am no longer judging that. Just picking up the stop sign and choose something generative.And if that doesn’t work, say “hey! I am NOt judging myself here. And I don’t have to be perfect:)”


I choose to be happy


My entrance-light has the last 2 years been operated by Jesus:) It has sensors and turns itself on when daylight vanes. When the light turns off when it is dark outside, I know it signals that something in me has lost the connection to light. Then I stand in front of it and ask, what do I need to see/hear here? Yesterday what came up was “I choose to be happy.” And there was a definitive shift inside: before I have had a belief that my choice for love and happiness has no effect – “I am doomed” was the litany in my mind – but yesterday, the light went on immediately.

It was quite dark outside, and I took a walk in the summer night. I noticed that my energy was vastly different: – everything IS perfect. I am NOT separate. Oh my God – my choice DOES have an effect!

There was Oneness with all. The apple trees were blooming, I went to the flowers and sucked their scent into me – the Deva of the Apple Tree flowed into me and blessed me. I walked a little round around the block. There was a newly planted bed of white daffodils, and I picked one. There was a strange sky; on the one side it was dark and ominous – on the other side it was kind and light and summery. I was being with these two variations of sky and included them, looking at the dark variety with wonder and innocence, as Jeshua is recommending we do in “Way of the Heart.” Then, suddenly there was a strange-looking very short man walking down the path near my house – his energy was erratic. He had a strange helmet on his head and his walk was jarred. He did not see me at all, even though I was standing in the middle of an open field. I felt an inner warning: “He is unpredictable.” And I was so aware: he did not see me. In earlier days, I was a fly-paper to such characters.

I stood in peace and took in the change. “God – I really choose to be happy.”

I went home and to bed, and had this dream:

I am in a tram with a crowd of passengers, and there is an absolutely relentless man blocking me, with a ton of hatred, contempt and disgust of me and of what I believe in. The energy around him carried the same energy as the two attacks on my house this last year – which are veiled attacks on me.I cried out to the other passengers, “Please help me – take this man away from me!” and immediately woke up.

This archetype of violence is thoroughly described in my book in the right menu: “When Fear Comes Home to Love,” with case-stories and autobiography.

I woke up, and hear myself saying: “I am not moving from this place until you show me your innocence.” Ah. He is my creation – created by unconscious guilt and fear. I went back into the dream, and he disappeared as if he was never there.

In the Course’s view, the ego’s view of God – in its upside-down perception of everything – is this monster who is out to hunt us down. And I am one of the billions who recreate this image in the form of crazy fathers and rapists and torturers in the world, so I can justify “being” the innocent victim and place my unconscious guilt outside on crazy men. In the ego’s perception, you are either innocent or guilty.

As said early in this post – now I was invisible to such a man – and I truly believe it was my choice for happiness that raised my vibrations to a such level that I was invisible to him.

I see the tremendous power God has given His Holy Son: whatever we hold as true becomes real for us in the dream we are dreaming and directing from Mind beyond time and space.

Immediately after this realization, the body started acting up with huge cramps. It felt like acidic balls of brownish hatred passing through my lower legs, and although the pain was remarkably strong, I felt gratitude: “This is my creation; it can never harm Who I am. It is leaving now.”

I am not willing to see this creation as valuable one more second. The creation has been fueled by my unwillingness to be happy.

In this moment I see the dream quality of this creation. My Self can not be harmed. The cramps changes and become electric fireworks.

If there had been no physical attacks on this house, I doubt that I would have found this pattern in the mind and been willing to release it.

Dear God, I am willing to let you take care of me now




I recently talked about this with a friend on Facebook, who noticed herself being pleasing and decided to stop it. I want to add that there is certainly no reason to judge being pleasing – being pleasing saved my life when i grew up, without any doubt. And that makes it a pattern which is connected to survival – no wonder we hold onto it.

Because the energy-pattern is so embedded in me, I notice it instantly in others. It is such an unpleasant energy – as long as we have not forgiven ourselves completely for having chosen being pleasing as a defense-system when we were small- now there is judgment against it, because it is not considered straight and mature to be pleasing. Especially when we are on a spiritual path, pleasing is a nono.

But pleasing masks the intense fear of not being loved – of having “sinned” – in fact of being cast out of Heaven. WE truly believe that the only chance we have to loved is to have it from our family – we have forgotten and repressed that that Love is Who we are.

So if I now judge myself for being pleasing when I notice this in myself, I am holding ego’s hand – it is trying to be spiritual. 🙂

When we were small and filled with joy, we may have heard “Oh you are so full of yourself” – “tone it down, will you” – “you are simply too much for me” – I notice how that lovely life-energy  and Self-expression is squashed and judged – and there is no-one to blame: this is the dance of ego

So how can we relate to this old habit when we spot it?
As soon as we move into more freedom, the old stuff come up to be released – it is a sign of progress. And the thing is that we create judges outside of us to forewarn us of the “real” judgment waiting at home -and in our mind.

Judging ourselves is abusive – and the energetic “reason ” that we re-create” the old story about us as an” abuse-victim” – everything is better, we /ego tell ourself, that attracting God’s wraaathhh.

It is skillful to see this pattern so that next time I catch myself erasing myself in order to be allowed to live, I can choose again
Realize you have made this pattern – or rather, identified with ego’s pattern
Expand – connect with Creator and your Heart – sense this struggling part of you and choose to LOVE it instead of judging it.

One of my sturdiest patterns of behavior is struggling very hard to “get it right” – and describing to others how to heal this pattern LOL – and tell it:


Now the Holy Spirit can take over: I am not longer trying to fix the “pleaser” – and I am demonstrating that it is not dangerous to receive LOVE – which is the trap we fell into when we believed in the Tiny Mad Idea of Separation.


I am the Source of everything I experience

In “Way on Mastery”, Jeshua suggests that we become aware that we/the one Mind – are the source of absolutely everything we experience. So today I first had the thought that Columbo – the adorable detective – actually is played by Christ.

1) He never judges.

2) He is kind and utterly gentle toward everyone – including the murderer. He even sees something to admire in him/her, most of the times.

3) He exudes genuine innocence

Then I went to town, found two great art-books – and when I stood waiting for the bus, a very big car passed me, and with large white letters all over its side:

F O L L O W   T H E   L I G H T

It stopped right in front of me for a long time.

When I came home, I looked at the movie “Fearless” with Jeff Bridges – and someone said: “Follow My Light.”




Massacre in the mind

The last three days I have had dreams about massacres, stalkers and such – dreams from the collective unconscious. The entrance-light helped me find the reason for the fear: it (the lamp) went out and I asked to find the root of the fear. Instantly I knew: massacres. And instantly the light went on.

What a help this was: now I was prepared for massacre-dreams.

This morning I was inside a massacre with machetes in Africa, saw, smelled, watched and listened. There was a huge naked African in front of me, his body was scarred, he was naked and hairless , and I felt and sensed both his energy and my fear of being discovered and hacked and slaughtered. We shared FEAR itself as energy.

I was also threated by the size of his erected penis. To me, who has a pattern of identifying with the (rape-)victim, it says only one thing: I WANT AND I TAKE WHAT I WANT

Later in the session Kit helps me see another vital aspect of this strong masculine limb and desire: I WANT TO CREATE AND EXPRESS!

How much I – and all rape victims – have denied that healthy masculine push within ourselves – seeing only the crushing dominating part. A great balance has happened within my mind.

Although I identified with the victim in the dream, when I woke up it was clear that this is far from personal. I might have participated in massacres – I think we all have, at some time – but what started the massacre is a thought in the mind that believes that the separation has happened and that we are on our own – without God.The Course metaphysics states that it in fact we /the Son of God as One -believed we had killed off God. Then, in the mind, an experience is created – kill and be killed – killer and victim – guilt and sin – duality. And since we are as God created us – pure creativity with unlimited power to create whatever we believe in – the massacres manifest in this world, where everything are projections of images in the One mind – believed in.

Jeshua – Jesus – and other masters constantly remind us that the world is illusion – and what we seem to see and experience is a hologram, powered by our belief and our wish to experience all kind of stuff.

So today, in a sharing session with Kit, I re-enter the machete-killing-dream – I sit with the energy of the massacre – knowing that there is nothing to fear, it is an image, and only in my mind can it be healed.

I choose to use the forgiveness-structure that Jeshua taught Jayem in The Way of the Heart.

Where in myself can I find this lust for violence? Oh, no need to look far. I have wanted to mutilate and slaughter “the guilty ones” for sure.

“I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created. I embrace you, and I love you. And I free you to be yourself. And I bless you with the blessing of Christ.”

I forgive myself for wanting to murder and mutilate and kill. I forgive my judgment of myself, and for identifying with this terror-energy

“What is the attack masking? What are they really crying out for?”

Love – to embrace them and comfort them and make them feel safe and autonomous – free to live without hatred.

I ask to see the innocence of his soul. The light envelopes him. Now his eyes are alive with awareness.


In the next dream, I am being stalked by a western variation of a killer. I flee for a long while until I think about stopping and facing him and loving him. Instantly he turns into a child, who adores me.


Jeshua’s forgiveness practice

  • I am reading through “The way of the Heart”  – Jeshua’s channeling to Jayem – and he gives us a great forgiveness-practice, where whenever we feel that our buttons are pushed, we are (inwardly)thanking that person for allowing us to see what needs healing inside ourself. We then ask to see where we have acted just like the button-pusher – and with great sincerity and honesty saying (inwardly)”Thank you – I judge you  ( person/situation/event) not – I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created ( it is OUR projection:)) – I love you – I embrace you – I set you free to be yourself ( meaning we surrender our perception of the other) -I bless you with the blessing of Christ” – and then look at that image in your mind dissolving into light AND BE DONE WITH IT –
    I have done this a lot this last month. More and more dark stuff has come up – massacres, insanity, what have you – and I have been shown and told that it is all dross from the collective unconscious/the one mind – and the minute I stop taking it personal and don’t identify with it, and surrender my perception of it, the Light is felt – and this really is a practice: today,for the first time since I started practicing, I just had to think about an insane person in my dream this morning for the image with its corresponding energy to be melted away by a great wave of light and Love

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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