This moment in time -17th of August =3:28am -I realize that I do not any longer need to – and want to – find the specific reasons for my sleeplessness,aches and pains. The ego has had a ball with this idea: the challenge of finding the specific thoughts that create the specific pain or fear in the nervous system it so intellectually satisfying – when I have found the cause, the symptoms most often disappear – which gives the ego a great boost.
I don’t need to leaf through all these variations of fear any longer – through all incarnations – oh vey is mir – I have dutifully looked for them
I see that it is completely unnecessary
Big fear:” Being a detective gave you control. Now you have no control any longer.”
No: All appearances are the same – they have already been healed eons ago, you are ever only reviewing what has already happened.
An earlier chronic pain in the throat -gone for years – appears.
NO: I don’t allow this pattern any longer. I am not willing to listen to this fear and control voice any longer. I do not value it any longer.
Enough
How sweet: this enough comes from a vastly deeper level that the former ones
I see an inner image: it is a graphic print I love of a person standing before a mirror – and it is called “the Dreamer”. I have another print by the same artist: an angel stands on the end of a cliff. It looks down, there is a white bird floating there – and the angel just stands there, frozen – in lack of trust of its wings
I just jumped
Who is jumping is who is receiving the jumper – softly gently welcoming her home
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After this, a dream: I have lost the key to my last apartment before this house where I live now. This is where I lived with my husband before we separated – my life as Wife. I still pay rent for that apartment – I must get my belongings –
No – I have left it. There is no rent to pay
Aug 18, 2014 @ 02:49:23
Great! Nothing more is owed …