Begging at the Bridge

I had a Skype session yesterday with a healer who saw a part of me that felt not worthy and not deserving of all the help I have from angels and guides and masters. I set an intention to find it and I did: I was seeing the image of a Rumanian woman who begs in our little town. There are four “beggars” there – the three others just sit there with their papercups, but this woman stretches her arms out after us, speaks in Rumanian, rubs her fingers together and my stomach crawls. Last time she did it, I indulged in showing her my disgust, turned back at her and frowned, and her face was contorting in disgust at me.

The energetic response in the body was hatred, anger and a huge feeling of toxicity. Now I lay in bed in the morning and felt literally sick to my stomach at the thought of having to pass this woman next time on my way to the Mall – when I heard Blue say the word “ not worthy.”

Ah! Freedom: she is a mirror. She does something I have judged tremendously: beg for help to live, to be seen and acknowledged as somebody who needs help. Completely dependent on peoples’ willingness to give her money – or care.

In this moment, gratitude flows through me: all judgment melts. I take my little inner child in my arms and allow her to scream for help. There is a big need to be seen in her worth – not because of any talents she has, just as she IS. I watch the tremendous meaning I have given to my talents – and the need to feel valuable and worthy by being a “good girl” who sees others as deserving, but who pales at the idea to acknowledge her own God given value.

I speak to the begging woman inside and ask for help to see her innocence. Michael is helping me, asking me to bless her in her true Self. Again I sense the strong waves of disgust and toxicity, the strong self-hatred, and also hatred at the “rich” people around her who seems to hate her – and I so own my own hatred at the people I saw around me who I believed all knew what was happening to me but couldn’t care less because I really was not worth caring about.

At this point, I realized that I was inside an archetype, and the cause of this was a thought in the One Mind that it was a good experiment to separate from God.

No wonder the “no worth” -identity is one of ego’s most cherished corner stones.

I prayed to Holy Spirit to replace my false perception of myself – and the “ beggar” – with His perception: all Love and Loved forever.

Now I see the sweet mirror: the Mall may symbolize abundance and Self . There is a bridge between me and Self – and to truly cross it, I must learn to not judge my response to the two beggars there : there is my classroom. Forgiving the idea of man of no value, and the ego’s contempt of this.

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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