Seeing through the abuse-archetype

Some days ago I had a strong healing session with Kelle. The same night,Lisa Natoli told me in a group-call that I need to stop telling myself the story that I am sleepless through the last 26 years and that nothing has changed that. She pointed to our Godgiven power that what we say is true becomes true for us. And I DO believe that!

So I listened to our taped conversation in bed and stated my willingness to tell a new story. I told myself I slept like a baby and awoke fresh and vibrant. That night and next morning felt like before – but I still stated to myself that I slept like a baby, and in the night I got the clear impulse to just disregard all fear-and-gloom-thoughts. When they came, I chose to just resting in what felt GOOD in the body – or an inner beautiful image. This went very well for hours. And the next night – this last one – I was aware that I really was willing to drop the thought that “nothing helps for good.” I looked at it and it had lost its charge.

It all came out of my CHOICE to tell myself another story

And this night I slept better – and I had a dream which turned out to have immense healing properties.

My daughter – in the dream a child about 9-10 – told me that her cousin had a man visiting, and he was scary and disgusting. Dream-Leelah told her with flat denial-voice that she should not occupy herself with such things – “it will be all right” – and my daughter looked at me with utter hopelessness.

Awake, I realized that my reaction was an internalization of how MY mother had reacted when I told her similar stories. I sensed the disgust in my body now– how horrible this man’s energy was – and I sensed my inner child’s belief that this energy was impossible to get rid of. In a lightening I realized, here is the reason for the sleeplessness: I have an experience of this kind of energy in my body – and that I can’t get rid of it. That is too horrible to live with. I can deny and suppress it in the day – but when I sleep and am unconscious, it comes back as something that I identify as MINE.

I was right in my insistence that nothing until now would ever help this: the only thing that will help is my full acknowledge  and forgiveness of this energy. I am the source of it, by choosing the ego-thought system of separation, and I can forgive my choice and choose again: now to just REST with the energy – dropping any labels of me and mine and horrible and disgusting – the whole false identification – habit.

I do a Jungian method of returning to the dream with my daughter in a new and loving version: we look together at the man with the disgusting aura: it is clear to me that this is a person who only feels alive when he can troll little children to him and abuse them and make THEM feel small and guilty and disgusting, so he does not have to – for a little while at least. He is clearly projecting his misery outside of himself – and he is doomed to repeat it forever until somebody sees his true Self and mirrors it back to him.

I remember what happened with the out-stressed bus driver – and the instant peace and joy my seeing his essence created in him.

This creation happened in the mind and there is where the healing exists too: looking beyond the disgusting appearances of his acts and looks, wanting only to see Christ in him.

I KNOW it is there – and it is. His mask of “disgusting child molester” slides off – underneath is a devastated little boy who has been seen in love. My daughter sees this too, and all fear disappears as appearances melt. There is a clear connection between his mind and our mind: TRUTH.

The melting of tensions in this body is indescribably beautiful. This energy is not seen as “mine” anymore – and neither are the tensions “mine.” Just a story believed in – and now released in Love

 

 

 

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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