Giving and trusting

It is so interesting to discover that the universe is playing with me about giving. Sharing with Kit today, I want to explore what happened after I went back inside my house after I had given away the 130 dollars. The ego thought at least that man should post a hot thankyou- letter in my mailbox – in short, I needed to have something BACK. As I sat with those feelings, we were aware that these were the false thoughts the ego feed us with – that just giving would be very unbalanced – make us vulnerable – we had to be sure that the other felt they owed us something back. WE also talked about Christmas – for me, there has always been a hidden agenda that if I give much. I will be more loved. -The more of these common beliefs we unearthed, the heavier energy we felt – until it felt like deep poisoning in the body and a huge pressure in the head. It grew and grew, until it suddenly spread out from a center in the brain and seemed to leave through both ears. When this happened in me, Kit reported that she felt very relaxed and sleepy.

Whatever seems chaotic and wrong and confused ends up perfect:

In the evening, I was going to a concerto with a favorite group of singers. The entrance light goes out – and I find a fear that I will feel very lonely driving alone. Immediately I spot the false thought and correct it – “I am always with You.” Light immediately on.

I exited at the wrong bus-station- I thought. No concert building. Ran back to the former bus-stop- nope – ran back to the first one and saw the place immediately right at the bus stop. It was invisible the first time. Weird. I was 15 minutes late, and the group had just started with the first song. Perfect seat waited for me. The concert was heaven. Just after the last song, I got an impulse to leave immediately and run for the bus. Complete confusion about which direction we would be going – and there comes the bus, I wave and it stops between two stops. A very smiling bus-driver- teacher welcomes me in, and says “you are a privileged guest.” Oh! We drive to the little town where I shall another bus home. Just as we enter the bus terminal, my bus comes in. The controller departs, laughs at me and says,” I wanted to get you home in time” and laughs. I enter the bus and the driver whiffs me away when I want to pay. I play with a Sudoku while we are driving – and discover that it seems I have made numerous mistakes. Still I fill in all the places, and it all turns out all is perfect there too –

“don’t’ believe in appearances” I hear –

what a weird and wonderful day

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Dec 12, 2014 @ 17:46:07



  2. Monica G. M
    Dec 14, 2014 @ 11:34:21

    it really is about being open to other possibilities other than what we tell ourselves.


  3. Annemarie
    Dec 20, 2014 @ 16:40:03

    Dear Leelotchka,

    Have you ever been aware of the difference between a fear of your own personal mind and the fear of the collective unconscious, which fear is beyond any rational understanding?

    Have you ever been aware of the fastness with which you project our collective fear onto something or someone in your own mind, repress that and then project it onto the world?

    I wonder if you are able to decide otherwise when you can manage to stretch the time between the moment you become aware of our collective fear in our collective unconscious and the moment you project it onto your own mind?
    And if you cannot catch that first moment of projection, if you can catch it when you project it out into the world?

    I have reached the understanding that it is more helpful to deal with the fear which is part of our collective unconscious WITHOUT projecting it. Somewhat like:
    “Fear is and then we cease to speak”, for it is as much beyond our personal understanding as God IS.

    Making fear less abstract by projecting it onto something non abstract, because we believe it is more easy to deal with then, is perhaps not the best way?

    I wish you a Very Merry Christmas.



    • leelotchka44
      Dec 21, 2014 @ 10:21:22

      Hi Annemarie,

      Thank you for wanting to be helpful. I truly appreciate it

      My practice is simply to listen to inner Guidance.It tells me to BE with whatever is, including it,embracing it.When I don’t resist it, it melts -like yesterday

      And if there is resistance, I soften around it, as best I can – and always WITH Holy Spirit –

      I love the way the body informs me of what I still haven’t forgiven and let go of

      I trust the process, and send you warm wishes for a Christmas filled with joy



  4. Annemarie
    Dec 23, 2014 @ 13:47:41

    Dear Leelah,

    I was not wanting to be helpful to you, although I too thought I was.
    I was teaching what I – not you – had to learn at this moment of my journey.

    It was helpful to be able to write to you, for it was the only way I could become aware of other things as well.

    Now I do not have to bother others anymore with my “teaching”, for I can “teach others in thought”, knowing that “the other” is part of me and that that part of me needs to learn something which will make my journey easier.

    In this case, among other things, I chose to learn – on some unconscious level still at that moment – the direct way through “the fear that is” to “the Love that IS”.
    At least I know now what I have to practice.

    Life IS a wonderful miracle and eaternally creative in finding ways to teach me.



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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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