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Above all, I want to see differently

This is todays lesson 28. Looking at  – whatever – and allowing it to show its essence to you. The table and the pen and the hand…free from preconceived concepts  –

 

-and my Yogi Teabag, as always, is in sync:to see

The Holy Child

 

 

Today I want to share a true story from “When fear Comes Home to Love.”

As the birth of The Holy Child threatened the kingdom of Herod,the Christ within us all threatens the reign of our inner “Herod”, the ego.

At Winter Solstice 1994, I gathered a group of students to celebrate the newborn light. In my healing-room, I had created an altar on the floor: a deep blue rectangular cloth sprinkled with small golden foil-stars. An angel guards each corner. In the center, a tall altar-candle, surrounded by a wreath of stars in silver and violet. When the group-members take their places, only three figures are present on the cloth: a Shepherd with his long staff and a little lamb – and an angel who has called him to follow the star leading to the Child.

I present the Shepherd as an image of man in harmony with nature and animals – man living and acting from instinct and heart, from a deeply felt interdependence with life. Our authentic Self.

Now I present the rest of the figurines belonging to the Christmas-mystery, one by one: please notice, inside yourself, how these characters live and are part of you – and which qualities they bring to the sacred event: Joseph… protective, fatherly, faithful. Deeply accepting his role as the head of his family and serving God. Never questioning his destiny. Mary…the motherly, nourishing quality… grace… innocence, willingness to serve. Her silent ecstasy by being the Chosen One to carry forth the Child and the new consciousness on earth. Through the Divine Feminine incarnates the Holy Child.

And now the animals… we sense them inside us: the motherly and faithful cows. The sheep, the lambs, the bull and the ass – they are all present when Truth is born. There are no false borders between the true humane and the animals.

Now I place the tiny Jesus-figure in the crib: the pure love, the total trust, the one Heart who embraces all. The joy, the innocence – the Sacred.

We are sitting in the circle in an atmosphere of unfathomable peace and SPACE. A Voice in me asks us to enter meditatively the stable where the Child is lying in the crib, and BE there with all our senses..

When I approach the stable, I am filled by breathless expectation. Time does not exist. The moment is eternal. The stable is so small – and so infinite in extension. There is nowhere in the Universe that this stable is not.

I hear small small sounds. They create a musical image: the creaking of the straw. The smack of tails. A deep sigh. I smell the comforting smell of warm cow-bellies and fresh milk. I AM HERE. THIS HAPPENS NOW.

The Holy Child is lying naked in the crib. The clear brow! His eyes are open, peaceful. I have never in this body met such a look. His eyes are reflecting Heaven – I feel that all these eyes fall upon, must melt in love. I know beyond all doubt that this child is safe in the dragon’s den, he can meet the horror beyond all horrors – and all that is seemingly dark will yield and melt before this look: all disguises fall away, all illusions fade. These eyes can only see truth. See the essence behind the monster-mask and the dragon-hide.

I am filled with a burning wish to learn to see with the Child’s eyes – and I give this wish to the Child.

A couple of nights after this, my wish is fulfilled.

I awake at night, seemingly captured within an insane and destructive energy. I am mortally afraid. “This time I am done for!” says Fear. Further and further inward through the dark hellish caves,, then downwards through yet more abominable depths of horror. The visions are unfathomably gruesome.

Then I remember The Holy Child.

In that very moment I have Him in my arms, and see with His eyes. My heart and lungs expand, all is filled with light, all that is monstrous is melting in light, there exists nothing else but this light. Everything else is unreal, created by our own fear. I AM FREE. I know Who I am. He and I are one – and so are we all.

Unbounded relief and gratefulness fill me to the brim. Warm tears flow warmly and dissolve the fear and agony the muscles have contained. Everything these eyes look upon dissolves and reveals their true essence, which is love.

But living in the world and in the body has a way of letting you forget what you see for real. A couple of years later I sit in meditation in one of Denise Linn’s seminars – about to meet our main inner guiding principle. I am on the shore of a crescent beach, the sand is smooth and golden, the sun is caressing me. I am looking out toward the horizon: a vessel is gliding toward me. I can only glimpse its outline, the sun is so bright. – Now I see it is a shell – like the shell in the painting “Primavera” of Botticelli. The inside is pale pink shimmering mother-of-pearl, with a rim of shining white, like a halo. Sitting inside the shell is my guide: it is the Holy Child! He sits like a little pink Buddha, laughing, holding a shiny, radiant transparent golden ball. It is made of light, but still seems to be material. The shell is sliding softly onto the sand, and he is holding the ball out to me: “This is yours.”

I recall with a stabbing pain in my heart that I so often have failed to receive this Child. I have seen Him often, but told myself it is only imagination – or convinced myself that I am unworthy. The Child is not judging me. He is not reproaching me. I do not have to confess my sins and regret to win his love. “Remember Who you are!” He says. “You and I are One!”

“I will never forget.”

“You will forget again and again. And beyond time and space I am in reality always here and now. There exists nothing else but this now, and only fear takes you out of it. The fear is not real. I am.”

 

please take these offerings

Shining words from my dear friend Miriam Louisa Simmons

this unlit light

They often sneak up on me at this time of the year – a gaggle of words-wanting-shared. Yes, it’s birthday time – not a blog birthday, but another tick in the annual count for she-who-scribbles while her spacecraft steers itself around the sun…

Birthdays are a good time to reflect on one’s blessings, and to offer gratitude to our friends for their kindness and thoughtfulness. I always begin my birthday with a gesture of thanks to my mother, who not only gave me the miraculous opportunity for life, but also fostered, nourished and inspired the flourishing of that life in every way possible.

Now in my eighth decade, and delighting in a life of sweetness and contentment, I feel to share some of the observations that have delivered me to this joy. It’s the best I can offer; may your hands and heart be able to receive.

Image source - https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/BoneStructure/

Life hurts.
But 

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The stone of anger and justified attack

In Pierre Pradervand’s beautiful book, “The Gentle Art of Blessing,” he describes an exercise he gave a group – to find a heavy stone and a steep trail (a simple task in the Swiss Alps) and to carry it up that trail as “your burden” – and then let go of it.

I did that yesterday. It was big and weighed 22 pounds. I put it in my rucksack and  I trudged up the trail in deep snow. What was the burden: my attack-thoughts. The deep old anger, still justified.

It was so heavy! I first thought I could not  manage more than 150 feet – but I made frequent stops and leaned forward, supporting myself on two ski poles.

Suddenly it felt much lighter.

It took some time…the snow was deep, but the weather was magnificent, 23 Fahrenheit, sunlight, and  in 45 minutes I was high up, disposing the stone on a beautiful place with a great view over the Village

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It was sweet to deeply recognize that I was the one who had been hurt, dragging it along all those years – and I am the only one who could choose to set it down. I realized that I actually had believed I kept someone on the hook as long as I kept the rage – like I had power over them –  but it was really me who was poisoned –

It felt sweet to put it down and say enough, and I felt like making an angel in the snow, right at the precipice

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Past

23 January

Wake up at 4am…usual crazy energies in the body. Inner Voice:

“You don’t need to go there anymore.”

Energies instantly gone – like a faucet turned off

Energies pop up around the vaginal opening. Voice:

“Maybe you don’t need to go there either.” Energies gone. Voice:

“Don’t drag the past with you. Let it go.”

I remember Emmanuel’s letter to me – by snail mail, 24 years ago:

“What to do about the nightmares – the times when it seems that darkness is to take your breath and life away? Simply know this: you are living a recall, not a current event. You are projecting out into the void a memory – fraught with terror, and a child’s experience – but a memory in distortion. What to be done? Listen with respect to what the wound is telling you, but never, never again believe it. What is needed now, is what was needed then – a presence of a loving and tender adult who can compassionately embrace the terror and remain in truth.

Dark spirits are simply dark memories projected from past to present. They seem to take form and hold power for exactly as long as you are willing to give them life. You cannot kill them with hatred. You can transform them with love.”

This morning – 24th of January – I also was prompted to flip the Course open, when the craziness was back and it did not disappear.How gracefully the Course always gives me exactly what I need to remember:

T-26.V.10. Would God allow His Son to lose his way along a road long since a memory of time gone by? 2 This course will teach you only what is now. 3 A dreadful instant in a distant past, now perfectly corrected, is of no concern nor value. 4 Let the dead and gone be peacefully forgotten. 5 Resurrection has come to take its place. 6 And now you are a part of resurrection, not of death. 7 No past illusions have the power to keep you in a place of death, a vault God’s Son entered an instant, to be instantly restored unto his Father’s perfect Love. 8 And how can he be kept in chains long since removed and gone forever from his mind?

T-26.V.11. The Son whom God created is as free as God created him. 2 He was reborn the instant that he chose to die instead of live. 3 And will you not forgive him now, because he made an error in the past that God remembers not, and is not there? 4 Now you are shifting back and forth between the past and present. 5 Sometimes the past seems real, as if it were the present. 6 Voices from the past are heard and then are doubted. 7 You are like to one who still hallucinates, but lacks conviction in what he perceives. 8 This is the borderland between the worlds, the bridge between the past and present. 9 Here the shadow of the past remains, but still a present light is dimly recognized. 10 Once it is seen, this light can never be forgotten. 11 It must draw you from the past into the present, where you really are.

T-26.V.12. The shadow voices do not change the laws of time nor of eternity. 2 They come from what is past and gone, and hinder not the true existence of the here and now. 3 The real world is the second part of the hallucination time and death are real, and have existence that can be perceived. 4 This terrible illusion was denied in but the time it took for God to give His Answer to illusion for all time and every circumstance. 5 And then it was no more to be experienced as there.

T-26.V.13. Each day, and every minute in each day, and every instant that each minute holds, you but relive the single instant when the time of terror took the place of love. 2 And so you die each day to live again, until you cross the gap between the past and present, which is not a gap at all. 3 Such is each life; a seeming interval from birth to death and on to life again, a repetition of an instant gone by long ago that cannot be relived. 4 And all of time is but the mad belief that what is over is still here and now.

T-26.V.14. Forgive the past and let it go, for it is gone. 2 You stand no longer on the ground that lies between the worlds. 3 You have gone on, and reached the world that lies at Heaven’s gate. 4 There is no hindrance to the Will of God, nor any need that you repeat again a journey that was over long ago. 5 Look gently on your brother, and behold the world in which perception of your hate has been transformed into a world of love.

 

 

Last review for When Fear Comes Home to Love

…for which I am truly grateful 🙂 *

 

January 10, 2015
This review is from: When Fear Comes Home to Love: The healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness (Paperback)
This beautiful book came to me (as it does) via the Holy Spirit, in answer to some questions I had. Every page is rich in inspiration, a road map to healing, through play, art, and the investigation of archetypes. The dialogues with the Holy Spirit are simply ‘wow” and Leelah’s story of moving from the pain and burden of abuse, from profound fear to love, healing and freedom is a reminder of what is possible for us all. I am only a third of the way through the book, and wish to highly recommend it to A Course in Miracles students, as well as to anyone else who is engaged in the courageous journey of self discovery and healing.

Atonement – med Alice Friend

Dying to be me

Communication

Last week my mind has been massively chaotic. I haven’t been able to get into this blog. It has to do with a belief that I cannot communicate my truth – that the door to being seen and read and communicated with being closed – but only in my mind could that happen.

I remind myself that EVERYTHING happens within my mind: the world – and everything in it – IS in the mind – included this Leelah

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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