I am determined to see things differently.

This is today’s lesson in the Course, nr 55:
7 I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me, rather than those which show me an illusion of myself.

 It is helpful for me to see the witnesses for the illusions that I still hold on to – and yesterday a beloved friend messaged me on Facebook. His descriptions of the chaos in his mind, – and his loss of a beloved dog- set off the old “ false savior”-pattern in me: “BIRD*” – this old pattern of believing that my only value lies in helping others (at the expense of myself.)

The “Bird”-part of me immediately started to enter Chris’ story and make it real – I wrote that I sympathized with his loss and poof, all the texting disappeared. I tried again, and as long as I was “personal” it just didn’t work 🙂

I logged out of Facebook and into my heart, listening to Blue.

“That dog’s death is the sign that he now has stated his willingness to receive this love from within. That loving Spirit is always with him – just as you are willing to accept and receive the Love that you are, and that you see so abundantly from outside these days

I am becoming aware that a deep shift is happening in me. I sense it in my body.

I went to bed and read “Sara Crewe,” (Later published as “The Little Princess”) by Frances Hodgson Burnett – –one of my favorite children books. She lost everything and had it all restored on all levels – her miserable moldy ice cold attic was transformed into a cozy parlor by … -no, I will not ruin the reading experience for you: click the link if you want to read the short story

The transformation of her misery starts when she decides to pretend how her life could be – in vivid detail. She pretends she finds a sixpence in the street ( this is a book from 1888) and that she will buy six hot buns for them and eat them all herself. She finds a four pence – and she buys 4 buns, and the baker’s wife gives her 6 – and at the door, Sara finds a little beggar girl who is even hungrier than her, and ends up giving her 5 of the buns –and now, when she returns to her room, her miserable moldy ice cold attic has been transformed into a cozy parlor..

As I was reading, I became her. I was crying deeply and was overwhelmed with gratitude for all my gifts: pension from the state, enough money to eat well and even go to the movie and theater and buy books and warm clothes and an occasional meal out…and the faucet leaks and a plumber will take care of it and I do have to money to pay him…

In front of me on the bed is a super soft red woolen shawl given me by somebody who truly loves me. I start to stroke it and an enormous sense of wellbeing overtakes me. How lucky am I – how RICH am I, to have this experience whenever I want! A huge space of happiness opens -in this space I just savor and enjoy the safety and love of my senses: just laying down in my warm bed and soft pillow is an ecstatic experience.IT IS AVAILABLE ALWAYS.

I am well aware of this great shift – that this comes from my decision “to see the witnesses to the truth in me, rather than those which show me an illusion of myself. “

Then I have a dream that I have a shiny new car – and that I need to find a parking space for it – and the old identity parks it in a dangerous neighborhood where it of course disappears LOL

I see that instead of leaving the old identity, I have put the new way of driving this gorgeous vehicle into the old painful landscapes – and of course it should be the other way around: I will have to choose to completely leave the old landscapes and move into the Self fully where all cars belong to everyone

I wake up and hear: You don’t need to create, project or experience all that mental disturbance anymore.”

The  words go like a purifying shower through me: just like me, Chris is not aware that on some level he chooses to hold on to that chaos as real and as something he is a victim of. And the solution to this lies in a new decision: I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me, rather than those which show me an illusion of myself.

And in this moment I see his Self – smiling, radiant, powerful beyond measure – and we bow to each other in gratitude of our service to each other in this life – serving as mirrors, and also as loving healers.

I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me, rather than those which show me an illusion of myself.

I am going to start “Jewels of The Christ Mind” that starts the first of March – Jayem’s/Jeshua’s Course. Maybe Chris would like to do it to. I love that doing these processes, we need to share our experiences with our friends who have entered the same process – we truly need to do this together. Not a “me” helping a “you” any longer.

 *you can read about the BIRD-pattern in us all in “When Fear Comes Home to Love.”









God speaks in daisies

This morning I was taken by an enormous rage at nothing – and asking what that was about, I heard that it came from the belief in or egomind about worthlessness – and because of that transparent belief, we find any sign of disarray outside – like this time for me, garbage cans not collected in time.  I had projected this ” not pretty and OK -girl” on the landscape and was furious about what “they” were doing to my feelings.

If I had known who I was, the garbage could have piled up and I would not have taken it personal 🙂

After this the anger slid off, and I did todays lesson of sinking down beyond the ego thoughts to find God talking to me.

Peace was there – deep, everlasting in that place – and I asked to hear His voice – and realized in the same moment that I would probably distrust it…and I asked, can You speak to me in another way?

And there was a image of me was standing in the middle of  a great field, and from all directions came people/beings with daisies in their arms for me, until all I could see was beaming laughing loving faces and daisies in all directions as far as I could see



Free Play

This may save you lots of agony

– and time 🙂


Yesterday the source of the hatred welling up in me so violently  was revealed to me:I saw the tortured child’s refuge to self-hatred as – in her thinking – the only way to keep her safe and under control in the circumstances she lived under. She obviously had to be sinful and deserving of the horrors, so hating herself felt like a step in the right direction: to change into what the others wanting her to be.She was under intense threats of death if she used her voice to speak about what happened – and with the loss of her voice, a great part of her energy field and soul disappeared/ was dissociated.
When this was made clear to me, a great wave of love and tenderness arose for my soul- and anybody trapped in that kind of  hopeless situation. I felt it like a sun warming me from inside, and something old let go and crying came in buckets.
I am sharing it here – since a lot of people have similar subconscious memories – and it is good that it comes out in the open, no more hidden and judged.
I love the delicious feeling of being unburdened as these old judgments and taboos are opened and allowed into the smile of Christ: “Thank God it is not serious – thank God it never happened in Reality.”

Lisa Natoli’s guide to the 365 Course-lessons

for anybody who wants to follow Lisa Natoli’s journey through the 365 lessons of A Course in Miracles – and especially for Anil 🙂



“The ego is your thoughts about yourself” says the Course.

This night I listened to a tape where my friend Anne – a kindred artist spirit and friend – guided me through an inner journey. When I felt stuck in the process I sensed the energy I operated from acutely in my nervous system – and I started to listen for the procedures I used: the old loved ones of interpreting, finding what symbols pointed to – and I sensed Anne’s loving energetic response to it. She allowed it without interfering – but steadfastly repeated “There is no need to rush. Jesus is there. His manner is not changed by whatever you do – he loves you unconditionally.”

What I sensed when listening to “me” on this inner journey was a strong constriction, around the heart and lungs, tensing in muscles, efforting to do it right – the one who efforts is surely not free and resting in this moment. I was graced with the ability to truly see how convulsed and controlled that way of maneuvering through the mind is – it is like that, because I am doing it on my “own” – without Christ.

This has been my survival mode all life.

To recognizing and acutely sensing its energetic imprint – and the unpleasantness of it – is so helpful!

Anne said: “Jesus is holding his hands on your head. You are sitting down with him. He says that you are rushing all the time.”

Just being still with Him now

Handing over this old pattern of being clever and doing in on my “self” – including the doubt that it can be done – asking to notice  “oh there I go again” and smile at it:)

Thy will be done, Beloved

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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