“My job is to make you happy”

The healing that I can share with you, reader, is the importance of finding our old “hidden” recipes for safe behavior”  we learned as children – and allow their inherent beliefs to be corrected. If we don’t, there will be tremendous consequences – illnesses, insanity and violence. If I through my life, however, share the beliefs at the very ground of such dysfunctional patterning, Grace shines through and is available for all.

And it is with that intention I share a bit of my childhood-story.

The beliefs -belonging to the archetype BIRD in “When fear Comes Home to Love” -are:

I must be good and not make waves – or problems – for “them.”

It is my job and my duty to make them feel good – on the expense of my own state of mind. Even after a group rape when I was 4, my job is the same: when they expressed distress at what  I told them and were angry at me, I instantly buried it. When 2 years later another gang of boys did it again – in an even more cruel way, and over time – I knew that I just HAD TO make it nonexistent for myself, and every need and feeling was crushed and pushed away.

I start to realize the tremendous pressure I have exerted on my mind and body to push the needs for a space to exist away.

And I realize that this storm of tensions have been what the nights and the mornings have shown for almost 70 years. How faithful the mind shows me what I have buried, so I at last can allow it to be corrected and replaced by the Miracle.

Look at the big beautiful bird at the book cover. This is Bird – she meshes in with the Tree

She has taken on this “job” – because of it, when worked through, there is less darkness and denial than before. That is the work of the Bodhisattva – and we all have chosen that position in our number of incarnations. In the Bird-chapter you will read case-stories and creative processes where Bird wakes up.

The intense pressure and pain I have felt all these years – so extremely toxic!- has to do with the conviction that I am guilty if I step out of this role of “savior” and drop the belief that others pain is because of ME – because I failed my duty of making them happy.

I am lying here with Christ: “breathe in and breathe out deeply, breathe into that toxic pain and say “Yes! Come Home! I am here!”

I need just to breathe – Holy Spirit does all the clearing. He is the Divine Laundromat.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mona Gustafson Affinito
    Mar 10, 2015 @ 20:34:40

    My heart aches for your little 4-year -old self. It rejoices for the healthy, spiritual you who protects her.

    I hope people are allowing themselves the pleasure and help of your books.

    Reply

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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